Advice/Views please - I'm 40 and want a 3rd dc - dp is worried about my age!

[hotmama]

I'm 40 and dp is nearly 43. We have 2 dd's aged 3 years and 20 months - I had them at 37 and 38.

I had fab pregancies but had interesting births (don't we all?)

I did have CVS's with both pregnancies - and would intend again if I got pregnant again.

I would like to consider getting pregnant again - but dp is really worried about my age and there being problems. I have said that although there are increased risks when you get older it is not as dire as often thought.

I got pregnant straight away with my last pregnancies - my worry would be would I get pregnant again so easily?

Has anyone got any experience or views to share?

[juuule]

I had babies 8 and 9 at 40y5m and 43y9m. No problems conceiving. However, I did have 2 m/c before and 2m/c after my last baby. Although I did have 4m/c before no.8 I think that the likelihood of m/c may have increased for me with age.
Apart from the risk of m/c I had no other problems and had straightforward pregnancies and deliveries.
Although there are general risks as you get older I think it's an individual thing and if you have already conceived easily, had normal pregnancies, and are healthy then I can't see why, at your age, you couldn't again.

[sideways]

I'm 40 and pregnant with my second. It took me a year to get pregnant and I have been quite ill but it's not age related.

In moments of madness, I have even been considering a third in a couple of years, but not sure dp would be keen at all.

40 is definitely not too old to have another one, if that's what you want to do.

[hotmama]

Thanks for your messages.

Bizarrely, when I was expecting dd2 - I was adamant she would be the last. Literally, a few weeks later I was thinking I would consider a 3rd dc - that's Mother Nature for you!

Anymore contributions?

[spookykitty]

hi hotmama I think your DDs and my DDs are the same age I remember you from the Due in Aug 2004 and Due in Feb 2006 threads is that right?

Anyway I'm younger than you at 32 but am ttc #3 just now and would say go for it life is too short. I had a mc in August and thats me more determined to have another one I still feel there one more little person I have yet to meet.

Yes there are risks as you get older but life is a risk IMHO, if for instance theres a 1 in 20 risk of something going wrong it means theres 19 people for whom nothing goes wrong at all if that makes any sense?

[hotmama]

Yep, this is me. DD1 was due in Sept 2004 and DD2 in Jan 06 - and turned up in Oct and Feb respectively - hence I always post on 2 antenatal threads!

Sorry about the mc

This is what I think. Yep there is a bit more chance than before but I would be having a CVS anyway - my major concern would be would it take longer to concieve?

I think DP is worried because we have an anquaintance who recently had a baby that has got a few problems as was overdue (only a few days though) and the placenta was failing. I have said this could happen to anyone and isn't necessarily age related. The acquaintance was 37.

[spookykitty]

They never turn up when they are due I had an early one and a very late one.

I have a friend who is 38 and wants another but is scared to (she has one DD aged 2) in case there is anything wrong due to her age. She says she doesn't want her DD to have the legacy of looking after a sibling with SN after she and her DH are gone. I think that's a very negative view to have of it TBH. Something could go wrong whether you are 20 if 40 (although I know there is more risk the older you are) On the other hand she doesn't want to put all her eggs in one basket, I think she is very confused.

Some women have their first baby at 40!

[hotmama]

Bump for the after school crew!

[hotmama]

I would be very grateful for contributions from the evening crowd.

[scarybee]

I had my first DC earlier this year and I'm 42 I know I'm not alone. I conceived very easily but I did have a mc 1st time when I was 40.

Yes, the risks go up but they are still pretty small.

[bambi06]

i m 41 and have just had my third child and loving it more than ever..pregnancy was a breeze and i didnt do the testing as my chances of having a deformity etc were very slim once i had the nuchal and bloods done at kings in london so we didnt bother with anymore..go for it..

[liahgen]

I am 41, my youngest of 5 is 5mths, and we are considering number 6, I'm exclusively bf but if Mother Nature sees fit, we shal have another one whenever it happens.

Go for it honey, life is too short, xx

[franke]

I'm 40 and unexpectedly pg with my third - conception was the easiest of the three. I was initially worried about the risks of complications because of my age, but having gone into it quite rigorously over the last few weeks I've turned my thoughts around to the reality that I am more likely to have no problems (particularly as I've already had 2 healthy pg).

Although this pg is somewhat unexpected, we had been discussing the possibility of a third but couldn't quite bring ourselves to make the decision. Now the decision is out of my hands and I'm happy that a few years down the line I won't be faced with that "what if" scenario. (I'm an optimist - I assume that even at only 9 wks pg, everything will go okay). Good luck .

[midnightexpressmwahaha]

I had my first at 39 and my 2nd 14 months later at 40 (nearly 41). Fell pg really easily with the 2nd (as you can probably tell by the age gap, not exactly planned to be that close in age...but great now we have them both ). And I'm someone who always thought she'd have problems conceiving.

We too did nuchal tests and bloods, but not amnios or CVS, as the probabilities were much lower than the miscarriage risks of invasive tests.

We'd both like three, but have decided to stick with two, mostly because we don't have the energy to have 3 really close in age, and I think I'd feel unhappy about ttc at 43 or 44 (and dp would be 46/47 by then). But that's a personal choice - I say if you have the energy then go for it. the risks are greater, but the odds are that everything will be fine.

[annoyingdevil]

I have exactly the same dilemma and could've started this thread myself. I had DD at 38, then got pregnant the minute I stopped breastfeeding and had DS at 39.

Was adamant that two was enough, but suddenly I'm really broody. It's not the pregnancy that worries me, it's whether I'll have the energy to cope with 3 very young children.

Of course, we have no money, and are trying to set up a business. But if we don't do it now, we never will! I'm almost 41 and DP has just turned 45.

[iloverosycheeks]

I am 39, had DS at 37. pregnancy was not properly planned, well thought it would take about a year to conceive, took couple of months. swore in the months following birth that would never ever do that again but now....!!! I suppose I would want to start trying next year prob after turn 40 and it does worry me but would love to experience it one more time and also for DS to have sibling, DP is not that keen tho', mostly financial concerns. I think you should go for it! i hope I will be able to as well

[RoundTheBend]

My sister had her 4th baby at 40 and her 5th at 43. Both very healthy babies.

[AussieSim]

I am pregnant with DC3 and will be 39 at my EDD. I have DS's 4.5 and 2. I don't fall pregnant that easily. I am still tossing up whether to have the CVS for this one - I haven't had one before - just the 12 week scan for the nuchal thingamyjig. A friend of mine has said with no family history of SN and two healthy boys already that it is probably not necessary to have the CVS. Thing is if the CVS caused a miscarriage of a healthy baby I would be doubly devastated as I see this one as my last chance to fill out my family and I doubt I could get DH over the line again.

My philosophy in life is a bit "lets cross that bridge when we come to it!" - so I would get cracking on seeing if you fall pregnant first and then worry about next steps ...

[iloverosycheeks]

my friend had first at 41 second at 42 - both healthy bonny babies, and she looks great on it - gives me hope!

[Merlin]

I have just turned 45 and my youngest will be 3 next April. I was unlucky to miscarry at 11 weeks but then fell pregnant again within a month or two!

I think I would be more concerned about how tiring babies are - I know my toddler wears me out!!!!

But, if you are healthy I think you should just go for it. Good luck!

[expatinscotland]

You're braver than I am!

I'm naturally a lazy person.

I'm 36 and feel too old for a third.

Pregnancy took a toll on me.

The thought of being pregnancy horrifies me so much, I've been given a referral to have my tubes tied.

Go for it!

[expatinscotland]

FWIW, my dad's mum had her first at 16. She was then widowed at 18 and 30 before she remarried and started having children again.

She had 4 between the ages of 31-39 with no problems at all, AND a 'bonus'/change of life baby at 47 with no complications at all.

There was no CVS or antenatal testing back then, not that it would have made any difference to them, but all were healthy and strong and grew up to be educated professionals.

[WendyWeber]

I had 3rd at 37 and 4th at very nearly 42 - both conceptions took slightly longer than the first 2 but still only a couple of months, and no real problems with either. As long as you are in good health, go for it