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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

for all expendant mums, do you know the sex of your baby?

68 replies

misdee · 11/10/2004 19:24

i dont. part of me wants to find out so i can prepare, but part of me doesnt want to know.

For all of you that do know, why did you choose to find out, and was your partner ok with finding out?

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popsycal · 11/10/2004 19:29

my 20 week scan is next week....we are considering finding out...but are weighing up the pros and cons too

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misdee · 11/10/2004 19:30

mine son weds. they dont tell u here, but i know some people have paid for private sexing scans.

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fufmum · 11/10/2004 19:46

Hi misdee, i payed for a private scan at home to find out and it was the best thing i ever did. I decided i wanted to know very early on when i was still with my partner, he didn't have a choice i'm afraid. Might sound harsh but it was my first and his 3rd so he just went along with what i wanted. Before i had the test we split up anyway so i found out with my family around me and it was wonderful. My reasons for finding out are simply because i wanted to know instead of being set on one sex or the other, everyone says they aren't bothered but i don't believe that totally. Everyday i would change my mind and drive myself mad about what i thought the sex was, i needed to know asap, everyone is different i guess. People say about spoiling the surprise but that's a load of rubbish you still get a surprise but you get it earlier! Also helped me more than i can say to bond and get ready for my sons arrival

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logic · 11/10/2004 20:02

misdee, last time round, dh really wanted to know and I wasn't bothered so we asked to be told. I don't think it spoiled the experience in any way. It just meant that we could plan better and choose a name

I am pregnant again and we will definately ask this time too.

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poppyseed · 11/10/2004 20:10

We knew both times with ours. A bit of a different case though I suppose as DH is a Dr and could see - so I wanted to know too! With No2 I really wanted to know to be practical so that I could sort out all the rubbish that we'd been saving. Turns out it was a good idea as we have DD and DS!!
I have no regrets really, although as somebody who never opens their Christmas presents early I wish I could have had the anticipation of knowing a bit longer iyswim.

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nutcracker · 11/10/2004 20:15

Misdee i knew the sex of all mine.

With the first i was just curious and too impatient and with dd2 i just wanted to know if i needed to buy any clothes suitable for the other sex.
With Ds though i was pretty convinced i was having a boy and after having two girls it did worry me a bit so i decided to find out so that i could get used to the idea.
I was right and it did help me alot to bond with him before hew was born.

If i ever had another i would have a surprise though.

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aloha · 11/10/2004 20:26

I'm expecting a girl in February. I chose to find out because I really enjoyed knowing with ds. It seemed to make it more real, I bought lots of blue things for him, and chose his name. Dh felt just the same as me, he enjoyed the anticipation. We were even keener this time around as we wanted to prepare ds and felt it might make the baby more real for him if we could refer to the baby as 'her' and 'your sister'. I have also bought a huge bag of beautiful clothes for next to nothing at an NCT sale and spent about the same amount on one single outfit of pink cashmere leggings and sweater from Baby Gap... whoops! I have felt much more excited about the baby since knowing she was a girl and spend ages talking names with my friends and dh. But it's a very personal decision and I know some people couldn't bear to know and want a suprise. I hate surprises

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misdee · 11/10/2004 20:27

i do want to find out. but cant afford the private scan, and dh doesnt want to know.

Aloha, i keep forgetting you're expecting too.

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Angeliz · 11/10/2004 20:36

I found out last week that i'm expecting a girl too
With dd , they didn't tell you but my hospital have recently changed their policy on this and you now have to sign to say that you know they can't be 100% sure and they have very important things to check at that scan but IF they see the sex and you want to know, they'll tell you.
We talked LOADS about whether or not to find out. Part of me didn't want to but another part knew that i'd be TOO curious not to now they tell you! DP wanted whatever made me happy!
DD REALLY wanted a sisiter so i thought it would be good to prepare her either way and as Nutty said, i thought it would help me bond (as i worried that i wouldn't bond as well with a boy- purely as i don't know them!! The MOST important thing was for everything to be healthy though obviously).

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Uwila · 11/10/2004 20:40

I definitely want to know. I wanted to know with DD (now 18 months as well). As far as DH wanting to know, he didn't care (or I don't recall any objection). BUT, I figure that we do most of the work, so these choices are our priviledge. Besides, if he doesn't want to know, he can leave the room.

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eidsvold · 11/10/2004 22:37

misdee - we found out with dd - mainly cause we had had all the upsetting news about her heart defect and ds and figured it might be nice to know something positive. Having said that dd was rther shy and I think it was one of the last scans we had she finally lifter her bum up and the obstetrician did not promise us 100% ( jsut in case she/he was holding anything in his hands ) iykwim. we both wanted to know.

This time - again the babe was not in a position to tell us at the 20 week scan but am going for a scan today and thought I might ask if they can see anything or not... this time dh and I don't care either way... you know we've even stopped saying as long as the babe is healthy ( after dd!!) One of each would be nice but hey two girls is just as good!!!!

Did tease dh, who can't be at this scan, that I was not going to tell him if I found out and he got all whingy and said we are partners and I have to tell him ... so we shall see what happens ....

On the flip side - was convinced dd was a girl - this pregnancy has been so different - so kind of leaning towards a boy - but it could be different due to dd's heart defect and ds....

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zaphod · 11/10/2004 22:42

I found out with my last son, and REALLY regretted it. It somehow takes a lot of the excitement out of the birth. I can't really explain it, but my advice is don't find out. Both of my friends were pregnant at around the same time, and they found out also, and said they felt the same.

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motherinferior · 11/10/2004 22:48

I really really didn't want to know with either of mine.

Am dippy hippy at heart.

And then I got two girls, which is what I secretly wanted!

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artyjoe · 11/10/2004 22:50

Knowing that I am carrying a little girl called Faith is what is getting me through this atrocious pregnancy.

I paid to have a private scan but she had her legs crossed and eventually found out at my NHS 23 week scan. I am very prepared, nursery sorted, and am sooo excited to meet her, it has definitely ADDED excitement to my pregnancy and knowing I am going to have a daughter makes the really bad days bearable. I have a real bond now which I just couldn't feel until I knew the sex. My DP is the same, he is over the moon and talks to Faith every night now rather than 'the bump'.

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libb · 11/10/2004 22:54

We asked as we are nosy buggers. Although I had a gut feeling DS was coming along, I even got the hair colour right!

Although it did take the whole pregnancy and two weeks after his birth to agree on a name! I guess we had to get the character right . . . (?)

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OzJo · 12/10/2004 01:50

I didn't find out first time, but will next time round...I had a horrendous labour last time so spoiling the surprise wasn't an issue, I just wanted to have the damn thing! Our daughter is gorgeous, hope to do it again soon...I'd like to be able to tell Dd it's her baby brother/sister in there.

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beansprout · 12/10/2004 04:25

I would have asked but dp felt v strongly that he didn't to know and I was happy to go along with it. I'm glad we haven't as it would have been like opening our Christmas presents on 1st December or something.

Everyone else wants to know though, it's the question I'm asked more than any other. Saying "he or she" gets a bit tedious and if I use one or the other, people pounce on it, but hey, I can live with it. Only a few more days and I'll know either way....!

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hana · 12/10/2004 08:34

nooooooooo!
Would have loved to found out but dh not interested, and I wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret! We didn't find out for our first either.

but I think it's another girl!!

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misdee · 12/10/2004 08:36

i think i'm having a girl, dh says a boy. with dd1 and 2 i had dreams what they looked like b4 hand. dd2 i knew would have a mop of dark hair as i dreamt it several times.

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Tommy · 12/10/2004 09:08

We didn't know with either of ours and didn't want to. I would do the same if I had another. My friend knew the gender of her 3rd baby from the scan. She was so cross with her DH who had disappeared to watch the cricket in the waiting room that she found out the sex and didn't tell him!

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Yorkiegirl · 12/10/2004 09:11

Message withdrawn

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Pidge · 12/10/2004 09:14

We definitely don't want to know - didn't find out last time with dd either. I loved the surprise at the birth. Perhaps strangely I don't want to settle on a name until the baby arrives and I've seen him or her and decided if the name suits. Also, and this may sound even weirder, but I don't want to really think of the baby as a person until it's born. I can't explain it very well, but I feel differently about it as long as it's inside me. I guess for me the birth is the real beginning point and pregnancy is just a rather surreal journey leading up to it.

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teabelly · 12/10/2004 09:32

With ds we found out. As Fufmum says people usually say they don't mind but you do end up thinking one way or another, and I've had afew friends who secretly wanted girls and didn't find out, then were bitterly disappointed that they had boys only to feel guilty about the feelings of disappointment. I had only had experience of girls in our family so it was nice to know we were going to have a boy. We chose his name and got loads of clothes in the sales just before his birth. We're expecting number two now and I'll try and find out again - I also think it will help ds (2yrs) to talk about a specific brother or sister...may even let him help chose the name although I'm not that keen on Bob,Milo or Florrie

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FionaJT · 12/10/2004 09:54

I had 2 scans and was told both times probably a girl but they couldn't be sure. I asked cos I was convinced it was going to be a boy, and if I was wrong I didn't want to be disapointed, and now I've completely got my head around it being either. Still thinking of it as 'it' though, but at least I've managed to think about girls names! (I'm on my own so it's all my decision)

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bakedpotato · 12/10/2004 10:10

I'm with Pidge on this. Find it easier in some ways not to think too much about specifics until the baby is with us. Also I like having the 2 possibilities.

It was hosp policy not to tell us with DD, which suited us fine. However, this PG has been a bit different and for various frightening reasons I had to have an amnio. Docs asked if we wanted to know the sex when the results were all though, and we just assumed it would be good to 'get something' out of the awful experience, if everything turned out OK. Thankfully, it did, but I have yet to ask about the sex and the longer i leave it the less I want to know. (DH wouldn't mind though.)

However i've heard that now it's in my notes, there's a likelihood someone in the hosp will let it slip anyway, which would drive me mad. And more positively, I'm sure knowing it's a brother or sister would make it even more real for DD.

So I MAY ask my community midwife today, at our apptmt, just for the illusion of having some control over the situation...

I wish in lots of ways that we didn't have the option though.