Hi Bumbly
Sorry to hear youre so scared - these birth DVDs really dont give you any great reassurance do they?
As for being scared of labour, fear will make your pain worse and wont let you relax and your body do what its supposed to do, so try to reduce the fear. I would recommend that you speak to the m/w in charge of the labour ward (or the unit manager) and explain what you feel and ask if there is someone you can get to give you a look around a labour room and to have a talk to about these issues. Having a look at the room, the equipment and the environment etc will reduce the fear as it is not so unfamiliar when you go into labour, and if you can speak to an anaesthetist to discuss epidurals, then so much the better.
Most hospitals should be able to accomodate this but the sooner you phone them the better.
Consider using water and relaxation cds in early labour to help you relax and focus and if its not enough, the epidural is your 'get out of jail' card.
Epidurals do not have to be turned down or stopped at pushing, in fact, I often give a small top up to my patients during pushing if they get too much pain, as no one is going to push well if you've gone from completely pain free to agony all of a sudden. Its just cruel otherwise.
Also, some hospitals have mobile epidurals which means you can still be up and about for a good part of your labour, so ask about that. (mobile epi is just a very low dose epi which just about gets rid of your pain but still leaves you with sensation and strength in the legs, but not all hospitals do this.) Remember however that if its your first baby, there is a slightly higher instrumental delivery rate with epi. No such thing as a free lunch
So remember that you dont have to suffer - noone thinks any less of you for having pain relief.
Sorry if this is a bit long and disjointed.......night duty.........
Good luck!