Is anyone else struggling with pregnancy and a little one?

[PregnantGrrrl]

I work 4 days a week, and my 12mth old goes to a childminder. Today's my day off with DS, and i'm struggling on my own today (DH is here evenings and weekends, so i'm not on my own then)

Have had some fun today, dancing about, went for a walk with the dog, ate lunch together, tickling etc. But my back aches, my bump aches, (i'm only just 6mths!) and i can't carry him and pick him up properly. What am i going to do in 2/3 mths time?!

Worst of all i'm being horrible with DS. I have no patience with him, i've sworn at him today and shouted at him when he screamed and wriggled when i was trying to change him - poo everywhere!

I'm afraid i'm just a horrid mother, and i'll be even more horrible when i've got the 2 to take care of. It's a good job that this is my last pregnancy, because i'm s**t at this.

[PregnantGrrrl]

anyone?

[Mindles]

I only have one so can't offer any real constructive advice but I feel bad for you and I'm sure you're not horrible at all, just pregnant and stressed.

[wishingfourgotone]

take it easy its tough being pg with no children can you not let ds watch telly or run round garden for bit whenever my 1yo dd gets whingy i sit her in the cot with some fav toys

[Nbg]

I could have written that this time last year when I was pg with my second.

I'll be writing it again soon cos I'm pg with my 3rd!
It isnt easy at all so dont beat yourself up. I find I lose my temper very easily at the children when I'm pg. Its the hormones.

[diplodocus]

No advice, but plenty of sympathy. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with a DD(nearly 2). First time round pregnancy hormones induced a state of cow-like docility for 9 months. This time feel like I have permanent PMT, and feel I'm taking it out on DD at times, who is absolutely lovely, but quite full on. When things get a bit much have taken to lying on the sofa and putting T Rex on the stereo (yes, I know, it's DH's)which she then dances to while I make admiring noises.

[PregnantGrrrl]

thanks guys.

i'm alright when he's happy, but when he starts whinging i just lose it.

i wish i could be more patient with him. and that i could do more physically.

[MotherofZ]

I can relate - am 13 wks and have an 18 mth and as soon as I pick her up after work she wants all my attention (and wants to keep going into the cupbord to eat shredded wheats - which creates a huge mess), even though am mega tired on most days. I've come close to loosing my temper, but just keep it in my head that she's only a little toddler - doesn't know what she is doing. Sometimes it's just best to go with the flow and let her do what she wants and if she starts whinging then I a) take her in the garden, b) put the telly on, c) let her rifle through the cupboards - keep her busy for ages..!

[BetsyBoop]

I could have started this thread....

I'm 22wks & have an 18month old DD & I'm usually fairly patient, but not at the moment....

I have to keep reminding myself she's only a toddler, she isn't doing things deliberately to annoy me.....

goodness knows how I'll cope with two

[Luxmum]

Ohhhh I am Sooooo there right now - 6 months perggers and huge belly on me, combined with a DS who is 19 months and who has teh attention span of a knat. He also wants to be held ALL the time, so I am walking around wiht him on my hip all day long. Going to work is a rest, it's certainly less work than staying at home. I have to bite back so many yells at him, he has no idea, and when I do erupt, he is so confused and upset at me shouting that I hate it. I don't think there are any solutions, you just learn what they like to do and relax and let them trash the house if they want to, so it gives you some peace..

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

I've been there - I had an 18 month age gap!
If it's any consolation, I thought it actually got easier after the birth, because you're a normal size again and have a normal lung capacity so physically it becomes very much easier all of a sudden.
Also the toddler is interested in the baby so that helps with entertaining him/her.

I also think the fact that it was such hard work meant that I was physically fitter than I would have been if I'd been lying on a sofa all pregnancy and hence had an easier birth - hope it works this way for you too

[fillyjonk]

ok am going to say something pos not very helpful

it WILL get harder after the birth, IME. Not right away, but in a month or two, when the help has dried up and everyone expects you back in your old routine-yes, being the parent of two is actually harder than being pg and with a small child. Sorry. I am chronically aware of this as I am pg with no 3 and have a 3 yo and a nearly 2 yo.

In a way this is good preparation. You are tired but you do not actually have to manage two of them, with competing demands.

But also, to have no patience when you have 2 is VERY normal. One big problem is that, at least for a bit, you lose your me-time (even if you get the odd hour here and there you are still interuptable so you can't relax), and IMO you need that to be able to givegivegive to your kids.

sorry thats not constructive-I wanted to be honest.

Also, with 2, you do have a different perspective, you realise that you really are doing your best and to fail at doing something harder isn't such a big deal.

Maybe the thing is to recognise that you are doing something bloody hard now ?

[ThomCat]

Nothing helpful to add but YES!

I'm almost 28 weeks, have an 18month old who is a complete livewire, lovley but mad as anything and so, so active and a 5.5 yr old who has Down's syndrome. I work 3 days a week. They were both off last week with chicken pox and driving each other, and me mad! I hated every second. Was shattered, it was raining and they kept making each other cry. I spent Sunday morning in tears at the prospect of another day at home with them both!

I sympathise, massively!

[Mumpbump]

I don't know how far through your pg you are, but 2-3 months are a long time at this age and the chances are your ds will be completely different by the time your second child arrives. Ds took his first few steps just before he turned 1, but was running around within a couple of months so more independent. Also, his level of comprehension has come on amazingly in the last few weeks alone - he is now 17 months - so I am feeling much happier about being at home with him and no. 2 than I was when I first found out I was pg, 5 months ago.

Patience - well, that's difficult with an active toddler at the best of times, let alone when you're pg. Deep breaths and occasional time-out are all I can suggest...

[skidaddle]

Hi pregant grrrl, yes me too! 4 months pg and dd is 20 months. What I've been doing which seems to help though is - very little indeed. Lots of lying down and cuddling and singing and chatting which means I don't get exhausted and she is happy with lots of cuddles - obviosuly this can;t go on all day but I find the more I rest the better I am able to cope with her when she a bit stroppy. I have also completely stopped doing ANY housework so all I do when I am with her is look after her - don't know if you can do this but again it really helps.

And as fillyjonk says - this is only the beginning - wait till no.2 is born!!

[cupcakesgalore]

It is hard being pg. with little ones. I have 3 others - aged 6, 4 and 2 and I'm 39 wks pg. and I'm ashamed to admit that CBeebies is a godsend right now. More positively, my experience has been that it is easier - once yr. body is over the trauma of labour - to not be pg. and have two little ones. I find pregnancy q. tough physically - I have a huge bump, am v. sick throughout etc. It's hard to run up and down stairs or if they make a huge mess - which LOs do - and I have to try and clean up, because everything is such an enormous physical effort.It is this thought that is keeping me going when faced witht he prospect of all 4 at home in the summer hols!

[Bodkin]

Well, mine's not that little (3 and a half), but I'm 38 weeks and she just threw a huge tantrum on a really narrow pavement next to a busy road (about her sodding sunglasses of all things - it's not even sunny...) which resulted in 2 really bad mother moments - 1) me picking her up in a fireman's lift and throwing her over my shoulder to stop her running in the road (v. dangerous at 38 weeks, and she weighs 2.5 stone) and 2) when I put her down again and she was still going off on one, threatening to smack her in order to stop her running off again (ashamed to say it worked though...) Am mentally beating myself up, but trying to be kind to myself as well. Sorry to hijack your thread, just needed to let off steam! I really hope that a baby and a 3 year old is easier than being pregnant with a 3 year old, but somehow I doubt it.....

[PregnantGrrrl]

thank god i'm not alone! i feel slightly less crap now!

I just keep telling myself that in a couple of years time there'll be no nappies or milk, and i'll have 2 lovely boys, and no bump!

[kerioke]

I can also relate to this! i am 15+6 and have an 18 month old, thouhg to be honest my 7 year old is more trouble! but yes it is hard... when i feel like i need a nap you can guarantee my toddler will be at his most adventurous!

I have also upped the volume when communicating with him. and i have sworn and got sh1tty fingers! i have found that sitting him somewhere safely and leaving the room for a few minutes has helped a lot!

and hey dont be hard on yourself, your only human and things arent easy just now. but it will improve and for all the little bad times.. just think of what you've got to show for it! chin up chick x

[PregnantGrrrl]

Well he's kept me up all night- i've had about 2hrs sleep. I'm taking him to the childminders today and i'm phoning in sick. I need a rest. And a shower. And to clean my filthy kitchen.

[skidaddle]

oh dear, you poor thing! Why was he up all night? Very good idea to take the day off, and never mind the kitchen - put your feet up!

[PregnantGrrrl]

he slept too much yesterday in the day- i couldn't budge him, and TBH i was so knackered physically i gave up and let him sleep. My own fault really.

I'm going to hoover and give the kitchen a quick wipe for my own sanity, then i'm bringing the duvet downstairs for the afternoon.

[jetjets]

Message withdrawn

[Tutter]

oh yes

am 36+5 and have a 2.1yo ds

tis challenging

yday for example he had 5.5 on the richter scale style meltdown in local farm shop. i had to drop bags and carry him kicking and screaming to the car

nightmare

sympathies

[lucy1978]

hiya pregnantgrrl,
i feel the same as u. i have a 2 year old little boy and i am 38 weeks pregnant, finished work back in may and finding being at home real tough more so now as i am really big and can not fit behind the steering wheel of my car so stuck at home with him. find myself shouting more at him now where my patience is crap! i know it will soon all be over but this last part feels longer then the whole pregnancy. x

[Ceolas]

I can totally sympathise. I had 3 children in just over 3 years. I found pregnancy and the first few months after each birth hard but just thought that was what it was all about.

I remember being pregnant with number 3 and being so tired in the afternoons. DD1 at the age of just 3 used to take DD2 (18 months) off to play in their room while I lay on my bed for half an hour. I felt that she was so grown up at such a young age.

This time, my youngest is 4 and I have found this pregnancy a relative breeze (32 weeks today). No pelvic or back pain as I'm not lifting toddlers.

But it will pass. Take any help you are offered and don't worry about the house or anything apart from the essentials.