Am I being selfish - In law Issue

[amk78]

Ladies
Please help me. Am I being selfish,

I am due at the beginning of August, but as my Husband is in the Army and training for Afghanistan he is going to be away between Baby's arrival and Xmas. This is just life and something I have to get on with no issue there. However this weekend my in-laws (parents and Siblings)announced they wanted to come over for Xmas and stay with us (they live all abroad). So I am left for 4 months on my own with a new born (nothing I can do about that) and now I have 9 people invited themselves for Xmas.

I really feel no one has taken into consideration that I will be exhausted from raising a newborn on my own, and now I feel cornered as they are all asking when they can book flights. Added to which it means I don't get time with Hubbie and baby before he goes away to Afghanistan for 6 months.

My Parents on the other hand are being fab and suggesting we go to them for Xmas so I don't have to do anything, then go home and nest with Hubbie for the remainder of the time off before he leaves.

The trouble is in laws are all planning and discussing the whole event (there is no other location in the UK they can all stay in) and if I turn around now I am the horrible daughter in law that cancelles Christmas.

My Hubbie is away at the moment and so I can't talk to him about it but I am losing sleep over this as I really don't think I could cope with them all. Funny I can cope with him in a War zone and being on my own but the prospect of them all at mine for Xmas fills me with fear, as I will be left to do everything.

What should I do?
Amk
27+2

[fireflyfairy2]

I would say to your IL's that your parents want you at their house, as they don't want you to be having Xmas alone with the baby.

Maybe your ILs are just thinking that you will be alone & want to come & keep you company?

Will they have seen the baby before Xmas?

[PenelopePitstops]

Just say no, say you will be going to your parents and you dont think you will be able to cope. Just be matter of fact about it, 'sorry i cant have you all here this chiristmas, I want to spend it wih my parents'. say you dont mind them coming to stay another time but dont be fooled by the 'you wont have to do anything' line, because you will.

Can the inlaws not have christmas in their country all together?

[RedFraggle]

I would just say that your parents have already invited you to go to them so you will not be alone for Christmas. Don't be badgered into anything - you will be tired having a new baby to cope with!

[KTeePee]

Can they come a couple of days after christmas so they still get to see your dh and baby but you won't have to do all the cooking etc that goes with Christmas?

[Summerfruit]

Message withdrawn

[amk78]

Trouble is Hubbie is really excited at them all coming over and because he is off to Afgahn I don't want to deny him his family time but I know I will just break with them all there, having been on my own 4 months previous

They will all see the baby shortly after its born.

[Daisybump]

Not selfish...just human. It's a bit unfair of them all to invite themselves in this fashion. If you were to tell them that you'll be spending your first Christmas with your parents, I don't think that's unreasonable at all. Maybe you can suggest that you and the bubba can visit them after your DH ha gone off to do his tour of duty in Afghanistan. It's not clear from your post whether or not he will be around at Christmas or not? Surely he will be able to reason with them. In the meantime, can you put them off by saying you'll discuss arrangememts with your DH whenever you next get the chance and let them know at a later date.

Good Luck....other peoples families are a nightmare!!

[bran]

Tell them not to book anything until you have had contact with your dh, then get him to tell them not to come. Christmas is so much hard work, and everything is shut so you can't even get rid of them for the day. Perhaps your dh could suggest that they could come and visit for a short time in smaller groups.

[amk78]

Sorry not to make it clear Hubbie is around at Xmas but deploys for 6 months shortly after

[SweetyDarling]

Just say to them that unfortunately you are going to be away for Christmas.
Could they possibly join you for christmas at your parents?

[MKG]

Tell your inlaws that the best gift they could give you is to help you out with the baby when he/she is born. Your dh will not be there, and you can use all the support you need in the beginning. They sound stupid to be planning Christmas now, and not thinking about how they can help you when the baby's born.

[FiveFingeredFiend]

If you can't say no. Tell them they are welcome, but you won't be cooking or preparing. I am sure they will be fine with that.

[thedogsbollox]

I imagine that they would like to spend time with their child, just as much as your parents would like to spend time with you.

I would suggest they book a holiday rental cottage somewhere close by and you will do Christmas morning with them and the afternoon with your parents or vice versa, or christmas day with them and boxing day with your family. If you do it at the rented cottage, then they will end up with the preparation and not you

[LilyLoo]

i would say my parents have already asked us so i am not home on christams day. I know of lovely hotel send them number detail of local one and maybe book a meal there for boxing day. Very hard but better to say something now before it runs away with itself.