Dealing with the in laws whilst pregnant

[Princesspinkgirl]

Just that really I'm 37+2 and expecting dps first baby not my first his just to make that clear and DP mum is driving me nuts already planning on taking the baby lots for sleep overs days out etc which is quite annoying and I told dp I'm not happy with the idea that she thinks baby will be with her most of the time he agrees so really I'm just moaning here and wondering if anyone else has to deal with similar and what's your approach to it 🎄🎄

[Crumbs1]

No but I wish either of our parents had provided even the odd afternoon or evening babysitting for us.

[Grace1980]

I do understand :( I had similar feelings when pregnant with my first. MIL felt so overbearing. She had very high expectations of when and how often she wanted to see the baby. For various reasons, I was struggling with eveeyrhing involved with having a baby and I was terrified of messing things up / not bonding etc. Not to say this is how you're feeling, but I do understand the need for other adult family members to back off for a while.

I'm not sure how well I handled it really, so can't really advise - just offering sympathy. I did take control and didn't offer the weekly babysitting / 'helpful' visits she pushed for. I made it clear I wanted my husband to 'enjoy' her visits too - so stuck to weekends. And of course not every single weekend as we also have my family / friends to see!!

Sending hugs and understanding xx

Ps my MIL does have alcohol issues so that was another reason for steering clear of her without hubby's support

[Whatsername17]

Just say no politely. Mil: I thought I'd take baby on Friday. You: thanks for the offer but I'm not ready to be apart from baby yet. Mil: I'll give baby the bottle, pass it here. You: no thanks I'd prefer to do it myself. Mil: I'd like to have baby on my own for a few hours. You: that's a lovely offer. Maybe when he/she is older. And repeat.

[Thinkingblonde]

Don't be afraid to say no to her. Be polite but firm. I think you need to be setting boundaries now, make it clear before baby is born that there will be no sleepovers, days out, until YOU are ready. You are mum, not her.
If she ever takes baby from you and won't give it back, be assertive.
If she's got any sense she'll realise that she'll be shooting herself in the foot if she carries on wanting sleepovers etc.
Make sure dh backs you up, he should be reminding her who the babies mother is.

[Macauley]

Not mil she's the opposite and so worried about overstepping the mark. But my own mum is driving me mad with her expectations of what's going to happen when baby is here!!!

[Princesspinkgirl]

Grace1980 thank you for the reply it is difficult isent it I'm glad you managed it with them that is the thing we do have other family and friends who want to see baby to so saying no is necessary I just thought oh God she's going to not like it at all xx

[Princesspinkgirl]

Ah Macauley I wish you luck

[Princesspinkgirl]

Thinkingblonde thank you I think that's what I'm going to have to do at the moment I'm spending my time hiding from her constant messages 😨 luckily my DP does agree with me and we have chatted and said we will be having a chat with her about it because neither of us are comfortable with her thinking she can have baby when she wants to

[ConvincingLiar]

I think I'd say to her that it's lovely that she's so excited but she needs to calm down a bit. You will offer visits etc when you can. Her pushing for them is making you feel stressed, not supported.

[thecatsarecrazy]

Tell her, sorry but midwifes advice these days is that its very important for mum and dad to spend as much time with a new baby so they bond, so it will be a long time before anything like that happens!
My mil had my eldest off me at every available opportunity I think she realised she overstepped a bit because she's been the total opposite with any future grandchildren.

[LaundryQueenHatesIroning]

My mil was the same, when DS was about 2 weeks ok she expressed her disappointment saying 'I thought I was going to be able to take the baby out in his pram and look after the baby while you did some house work' yeah, please cuddle my tiny baby while I get on with the important business of dusting the fucking skirting boards she also pulled DS back from me when I tried to take him back

When it became clear her expectations were way off she became an absolute monster and said somethings i will never forgive her for. As a result she has barely held DS and certainly hasn't had him alone ( he's 12 mo).

So I would definitely advise nipping it in the bud before she does irreparable damage to your relationship

[thecatsarecrazy]

My midwife told me its a no no now to pass baby to people and let them give a bottle. Its very important for baby to bond with mum and dad for the first few weeks.