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Tips for how to cope with baby and toddler?

(22 Posts)
NewMumSept2014 Tue 22-Nov-16 21:25:29

Just that really. I've a couple of months still to go and DD will be 2.5 when baby arrives. I'm starting to worry already about how hard it'll be on all of us.
DH and I have very little family support so I'm just wondering what hints/ tips/ things to buy everyone has found useful?
(DD was EBF for 5months and I am planning to try to breastfeed again.)

NotSureYet Tue 22-Nov-16 21:28:34

No advice for you, I'm in the same position. DD1 is 3 in January and I'm due with DD2 in 5 days. I'm panicking a little bit too but I figured if my mum managed with four of us with my dad away at sea and no family in the country to help then I can do it too.
Good luck, we'll figure it out. flowers

hopeful31yrs Tue 22-Nov-16 22:01:47

I'm the other side of this (albeit very marginally). Had DS 2 weeks ago and have DD who is three in Dec. Hardest aspect of all this is managing her. Constantly worried about her feeling left out - have tried to keep her nursery routine as normal. Given her time to bond with her brother and have given her lots of reassurance. We spent months preparing her and letting her know what will happen and what she can do to 'help'. I'm pretty sure she's smitten with her brother but we have had "I don't want my brother any more" from her when she's most fed up (rare).

We made time for her - taken her out on her own and tried to include her in baby time. We've done all the tried and tested tips of not letting her see me holding the baby on first meeting, her having lots of cuddles and making sure she has her one on one mummy time. She is a daddy's girl at heart and I wasn't prepared for her to miss me as much - and actually verbalised this over bathtime one night which reduced me to tears.

I'm making this sound like she's having a really tough time. She's not (and she probably won't remember this time of her life) but it's a far bigger adjustment than I realised and emotionally difficult for us as adults.

EsmesBees Tue 22-Nov-16 22:04:55

Just watching with interest. Dc2 due in May when dd will be 2yr3m.

rhuhbarb4 Tue 22-Nov-16 22:07:03

I have a ds3 dd2 and a dd10 months. I don't know how we manage it tbh. My advice is go with the flow and what happens happens don't be too hard on yourself. You and the kids come before anything else and ALWAYS take care of yourself you need to be fit and well to look after the children.

panad317 Tue 22-Nov-16 22:16:58

I was exactly like you before DS arrived 8 weeks ago, DD 2.7. But it's lovely, DD had just started nursery so there were a lot of changes in September for her!
Get her involved now if you can, let her choose an outfit for baby and a teddy, let her keep the nappies, maybe use them on her dollies etc. Tell her how great she will be so you've already set the expectations. "You're going to help me by giving the baby a blanket to keep him warm" instead of "are you going to help me?" Make her feel like you need her help "Oh DD, I'm having a tough time trying to open the baby's vest, come over here to help me"
We've had a strict tea-bath-story-bed routine with DD since she was a baby. Sticking with the routine helps.

ConvincingLiar Tue 22-Nov-16 22:17:38

When have you all told your toddlers you're pregnant? I'm planning on doing it after the 20 week scan, hopefully before people (strangers) notice and point it out.

CocoLoco87 Tue 22-Nov-16 22:20:22

DC1 is 2 and a bit, DC2 is a few weeks old. I think the baby is actually being left out a bit because I'm over compensating and trying to make DC1 feel SO loved and involved etc.

You'll cope. grin

Do you have the option of nursery or play group so you get some one on one time with the baby and your DC is occupied?

allthatnonsense Tue 22-Nov-16 22:28:12

When it gets really tough and you think that your life has turned into Groundhog Day think about how one day this will be a fuzzy rose tinted memory.

If you can't face it - don't leave the house. If you get cabin fever get out.

Some days will go really well. Make a big fuss of yourself - you made that happen!

NewMumSept2014 Wed 23-Nov-16 06:36:19

Thanks so much for all of your replies. It really helps to hear from people who have done/ are going through the same thing. I know in my head that loads of people do it and cope well, it just doesn't stop you worrying does it?!

Elllicam Wed 23-Nov-16 06:48:47

My DS was 18 months when DS2 was born and DS2 will be 2.5 when I have the next one in February smile. The things I found most useful the first time were a sling and finding safe places to take the kids during the day. We did a lot of baby groups and classes. The things I am planning for this time are buying a second freezer and preparing and freezing meals, making up snack boxes for each day for me and the kids that they can open, making small toy boxes for the kids to play with while I'm feeding, they have some educational games they can play on the iPad while I'm feeding. My oldest is in nursery now which does help.

NewMumSept2014 Wed 23-Nov-16 07:02:38

What type of sling is best/ suitable for newborn? I have a (?) Boba wrap thing from last time but TBH she mostly hated it.

StepfauxWife Wed 23-Nov-16 08:47:36

I posted on here about juggling two quite a bit! DD1 was 2.9 when DD2 came along. It was a struggle at times but 8 months on, we seem to have muddled through the early weeks.

I used a boba wrap with both mine and loved it. Your second baby might prefer it.

Initially, DD1 was at nursery full time - for about 2 months. That really helped - it was a gradual introduction to her sister as well as keeping the routine of nursery. Now I have both girls twice a week which is just about manageable.

I find bedtime the biggest struggle - I often have to do it alone as DH is rarely home in time and both girls are exhausted. What worked best for us was sticking to DD1's bedtime routine. I would Bath them together (DD2 in a baby bath inside the big bath),get both dressed in DD1's room and feed DD2 while reading DD1 a story. Or DD2 would just sit in a bouncer. Once DD1 was settled to bed, I'd then focus on DD2. And then collapse on the sofa with a gin. Other days I decide which one is the most tired and put her to bed first. The other just sits and plays or if it's DD2, she watches a CBeebies bedtime story or two.

We have very much focused on DD1, told her what a great sister she was, how helpful she was, etc. If I need her to be quiet while I try to get DD2 down for a nap, she watches tv or I set her up with a game in her room and duck out for a while. During the time I do have with DD1 alone, I make sure I'm fully focused on her. Washing, cleaning, other life admin has taken a bit of a back step but I think we're happier for it!

On reflection, we have spoiled her a little with treats and small gifts but I have found she has taken well to her sister. It might help that they are the same sex.

It hasn't always been easy and there are times that I still get frustrated when DD1 wakes DD2 or DD2 is having a meltdown during an activity for DD1. Sometimes things just get too difficult to manage and I wonder what on Earth we've done. I have found it more difficult to get DD2 into a consistent routine with napping and I put this down to not really having the time and headspace to focus on it.

Bit of a ramble but I hope that helps!

thecatsarecrazy Wed 23-Nov-16 09:06:42

I had a 2 year old and a baby. It was hard at first but we soon settled into a routine. I thought it would be a lot harder but honestly it was fine. Tbh I'm more worried about getting my 2 boys ready for school run with a baby next year.

icklekid Wed 23-Nov-16 15:52:20

Ds is 2 and dd is nearly 4.months old. A douple pushchair has saved my sanity. Strap them in and getting out has been great. Thankfully dd is much calmer than ds was so can put her down for sleep/playing and give ds attention when he needs it. Dd tags along to whatever ds does but to be honest the routine helps me and makes days go quickly. The days I get them to nap at same time are the best!

Elllicam Thu 24-Nov-16 18:11:31

We are going for an ergo with a newborn insert this time. We had a caboo last time but I much prefer buckles.

Hobbitch Fri 25-Nov-16 12:33:57

<b>newmum</b> my favourite carrier for a newborn is either a stretchy wrap (Moby or jpmbb) as you can pretie them and take baby out as required, or a ribg sling (great for breastfeeding). Congrats on your new baby and good luck!

Hobbitch Fri 25-Nov-16 12:35:11

I meant ring sling!

icklekid Fri 25-Nov-16 14:12:02

We also had caboo for newborn (first few months) then ergo with newborn insert- great for playgroups!

Beth2511 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:09:49

I have a 7 week old son and a daughter who was two 10 days ago.

definitely found being pregnant with a toddler far harder than actually parenting both so far..

my biggest tip is to have a little lunchbox with you at all times with a drink and snack in for toddler. as well as a little story book or some stickers.

also try and involve toddler as much as possible

Heatherbell1978 Fri 25-Nov-16 20:58:04

OP I'm also due in a few months when DS will be 2.5! I'm so tired I'm not really thinking about it much....but DS will stay in nursery so to be honest I'm not too worried about things during the day as we've agreed that DH will sort out DS in the morning and take him to nursery while I recover from inevitable 2 hours sleep...no idea how bath time/ bed time will work which is my biggest concern. Thankfully DS is in a good routine and goes down easily.
I'll probably need a double buggy as DS is a bolter but will wait until baby is here to double check.

MyBreadIsEggy Fri 25-Nov-16 21:07:33

I have a 17 month old and a high needs 5 week old (CMPA, severe acid reflux, and just a generally unhappy baby). I won't lie to you...at this moment in time, it's horrendous sad
Seems like DD is going through her terrible 2's a bit prematurely i.e. Tantrums over every tiny thing and DS is apparently a very delicate wee snowflake who screams his head off at the drop of a hat hmm so my life at the moment revolves around feeding one or the other, changing one nappy or the other, dealing with one or the other crying.....its very very difficult.

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