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I really don't want to see HV

(28 Posts)
Andbabymakesthree Mon 14-Nov-16 10:18:16

This is my third baby.

Just had letter through to say hello I'll come to see you on x date at x time from health visitor.

HV assigned to me is irritating and make an extremely patronising comment about breastfeeding to me with Dc2 when doing newborn screening checks. Five years on I'm still annoyed I didn't pull her up on it. Luckily for her DP got rid of her. Her views on raising children are not in line with mine and are largely opinion based rather than evidence informed.

Mainly disengaged from service afterwards although did occasionally see them for reviews when pounced on in GPs waiting rooms.

Don't mind the HV assistant. She's lovely. Down to earth. Not judgemental and does't offer advice that's not needed.

The other two HV in practice are friends which is why I think I'm lumbered with the only other HV.

I really can't be bothered to do all the pleasant chit chat with her to be honest. Don't want her in my house. I'm sure she's got other families who actually need her help and intervention. Unless I have issues with this baby I'm only going to see her for the newborn screen at 10 days.

Am I being unreasonable to leave message saying. Hi Visit in advance of babies arrival not necessary. Please leave red book with reception at surgery for he to collect .......

Anotherdayanotherdollar Mon 14-Nov-16 10:21:50

Sounds fair, you're an experienced mum. However, try and do some research and see if any practices have changed since your last baby was a newborn in case you're missing out on any tests etc

NataliaOsipova Mon 14-Nov-16 10:27:14

I think they have to come and see you at home, though, don't they? It's basically first line social services - they go to absolutely everyone to check the house, the situation etc.

I can sympathise - I got fed up when my DC2 was born and they wouldn't give me a time they were coming, but expected us to sit in for days on end at their convenience. I wanted to be out and about with my older child to keep things as normal as possible. In the end after much to and fro, ("You should be resting"/"That's really up to me and if you wish to come please make an appointment") I got a different, much more pragmatic health visitor and all was fine. It is bloody irritating being treated like some daft schoolgirl, though - so you do have my sympathy.

Andbabymakesthree Mon 14-Nov-16 10:28:42

I'm definitely having newborn screening. Got booklet downloaded on tests to decide which ones to have. Hearing check, heel prick test.

He's due around Christmas/new year. I'm hoping another HV will see me and not her. As a fellow professional I find her practice lacking to be honest..... Think that's the main rub with me.

VeganMama83 Mon 14-Nov-16 11:33:42

It's an optional service and you can opt out. Sounds like you've already done your research on which newborn checks you want.

From your OP I think you're talking about the pre natal visit and I am going to declining that (terrible experience when expecting my second and they questions they asked!)

I'm also going to be declining other HV input after baby number 3 is born. Like you say other people will benefit from their time, we will not.

Trifleorbust Mon 14-Nov-16 11:50:45

Visits are not compulsory. You can decline.

NoCapes Mon 14-Nov-16 11:55:37

I never had a HV come out to see us before the babies were born, just a few times after
My HV now with DC3 is lovely and totally gets that I'm on my third and there isn't much we need to talk about, she comes in, ticks her boxes and she's off again
My last one though was awful I was a young mum and she made it very clear she didn't approve, if I'd known it was optional I'd have told her to get out of my house

I'm waffling but yes what you've suggested sounds totally reasonable, a visit before the birth on your third baby with no previous concerns sounds totally unnecessary to me

Andbabymakesthree Mon 14-Nov-16 12:03:44

It's the fact it's just such a small community here that's stopping me from calling because I'll need to deal with this HV both in personal and professional life.......

I'll ring the number and leave a message.

CatchingBabies Mon 14-Nov-16 12:08:32

It's not compulsory, just say no thank you. I've had mostly good experiences with them. Although there was one that came after after DD3 asked my partners name and then laughed saying isn't that a girls name, poor thing etc. Surely she would have been aware she was going out to a lesbian couple!

Jodie1982 Mon 14-Nov-16 16:19:48

I declined my visit. Haven't been bothered by them since.
I had a DS Feb 2015. Noticed his Testicle was swollen and had a bluish tinge to it, I asked HV on a routine to have a look as I was concerned she said to get it checked by GP, I was in agreement as it was worrying me. The following morning she knocks on door,
8ish am and says to make sure I get a docs appt...yes I already made one for that day, at the gp surgery getting DS checked over and he says I have to take my DS for a baby wellbeing check at hospital to make sure it wasn't abuse!!!! The HV had called the poxy docs to say she noticed the swelling!! I was furious. Baffled. In tears. I had to rush him there within the hour, he was examined all over bless him...only 2wks old, the swelling was due to a Hydrocele, extra fluid coming from the stomach, it went by 6 mths, he would have needed surgery otherwise. It was so upsetting. Even the nurses were shocked when i told them I noticed his swelling and asked HV for advice.
I've met too many that are busy bodies. If I need medical advice or have any concerns I shall take my babies to the doctors, i'm now on baby no.6 and met my fair share.

Dixiechick17 Mon 14-Nov-16 17:57:40

Am sure we were given the red book at the hospital... Could be wrong. I was told that the pre birth visit wasn't compulsory but a way of introducing themselves prior to the post birth visit. It's been five years, she could have changed a lot in that time.

Lules Mon 14-Nov-16 18:02:41

I certainly didn't have a pre birth visit and was given my red book in hospital. She came round soon after we were out of hospital and that was it, apart from going to the baby clinic for the 6 week check.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 14-Nov-16 18:10:27

I think there are recent changes which stipulate a health visitor does a home check before birth to ensure your living conditions are suitable for a baby? My sister has recently had a home visit as procedure. It was very basic check.

I understand you dislike this hv, but could you not put up with a short visit? Perhaps limit the time by saying you have only 20 minutes available for her. As you say you will have very little I interaction with her after this appointment.
I think I would just endure it.

Andbabymakesthree Mon 14-Nov-16 18:42:03

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties

I'm fairly certain there are no changes which stipulate a HV does a home check. I'll check out local child protection procedures though.

Lules Mon 14-Nov-16 18:53:18

If they have they've changed since last year or depend on area

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Mon 14-Nov-16 18:58:10

It all seemed like a waste of time to be honest. My sister has 2 children and didn't feel a need for a home visit prior to the birth. I didn't have home visits with my babies, although that was some time ago..
I wasn't aware these visits were optional these days but you are could be right.

HandbagCrab Mon 14-Nov-16 18:59:49

I had one a few weeks ago, It's a new initiative. I was asked lots of personal questions about drug addiction and abuse and given lots of leaflets about breastfeeding. I smiled and nodded a lot. My letter said I had to have the appointment. Can't say it helped!

Andbabymakesthree Mon 14-Nov-16 19:03:57

Health visitor here give red book at pre birth visit.

Looked at

The National Service Framework for Children, Young People and Maternity Services (2004) and can't find reference to requirements - just rationale and best practice. Nor does my area child protection procedures expand on role.

Working together to safeguard children gives some links to follow up on.

I don't want to come across as difficult or unengaging but I really dont want this HV in my home and I'm sure the other two have said "yep we are friends with her so best she's in your caseload".

ToadsforJustice Mon 14-Nov-16 19:04:29

There is no reason to see the HV. It's not compulsory. I consider the "chatty" letter with the time of an appointment bloody irritating. I would perhaps consider a letter inviting you to make an appointment. To just assume you will drop everything and wait in for the HV to turn up is rude. I certainly wouldn't won't anyone sniffing around my home to see it it is suitable.

Andbabymakesthree Mon 14-Nov-16 19:06:09

Btw not new in this area . Had one nine and five years ago.

Engaged loads with my first child. Shame they missed some developmental stuff which means im now battling to get a diagnosis after waking up and smelling the coffee myself. However that's another story!

SweepTheHalls Mon 14-Nov-16 19:07:37

I said no thank you, and I liked my HV! I just said I didn't need a visit. No one queried it all all.

TribbleTrouble Mon 14-Nov-16 19:10:18

In our area heel prick is done by midwifes and hearing in the hospital not by HV, might be worth asking if it's changed in yours.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 14-Nov-16 19:12:07

It is entirely optional whether you wish to see a health visitor or not pre or post birth. They have no "right" to insist that you have an appointment

The only time it can be insisted upon is when it is part of a child protection room plan. Even then, there is no legal obligation to comply but obviously failing to do so could be used in evidence during court proceedings.

TheTantrumCometh Mon 14-Nov-16 19:22:55

I had a home visit when pg with DD (now nearly 5). I think it's different in every area.

I got on really well with both my hv's and I'd be happy to see one again this time, though lord knows what we'll talk about as I'm on dc3.

But you by no means have to have the appointments. They're not compulsory and if I hadn't seen eye to eye with my hv's then I'd have opted it, too.

123bananas Mon 14-Nov-16 19:23:37

I didn't bother with any of mine after the initial newborn stuff up to 8 weeks. So long as baby is feeding ok and gaining weight there is no issue. Red book was given at the hospital. My last HV was excellent, but I have crossed paths and words with others. You do what is right for you.

I take them to the GP when they are ill. Ds has accessed speech and language input through the childrens centre, the health visitor didnt even know we were attending a class when they phoned recently.

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