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Is this normal?

(15 Posts)
MrsChrisPratt Sat 29-Oct-16 11:12:49

I am 19 weeks and 3 days with a much wanted, long awaited pregnancy. It took us 4 rounds of IVF to achieve pregnancy, across 3.5 years of trying. During that period of trying I was admitted to hospital twice, once with ovarian torsion and once with pretty bad ohss, both as a result of the ivf.

Since getting pregnant we had scans at 6 weeks (due to bleeding) and 7 weeks (standard for ivf) and saw two heartbeats amd were told basically this is it,twins are on the way, you'd be really unlucky for anything to go wrong now.

At 9 weeks I had some slight bleeding and another scan and found out one of the babies had died. At 11 weeks another scan, second baby fine. Good scan at 12 weeks. Bleeding and pain at 13 weeks and 14 weeks, scanned both times due to history and baby fine. Private scan at 16 weeks, baby fine.

This week have had a huge increase in watery discharge which has been making me paranoid about my waters, then last night more bleeding and referred to a and e by triage midwife as too early for maternity. As you can imagine on a Friday night it was absolute carnage, took over 5.5 hours for someone to stick a doppler on me and confirm baby still has heartbeat, thank God.

At no stage have I been made to feel like I've wasted anyone's time, or shouldn't be seeking help. Without exception all the hcps I've seen and spoken to have been very supportive and understanding of the worries I have due to the history and the symptoms.

But I just feel like I'm going slowly mad. I've never done anything so stressful and everytime I start to relax something happens to worry me-bleeding, pain or discharge sad It's just so hard and not how I imagined or hoped my pregnancy would be. I am very anxious and particularly before scans (20 week scan coming up this week) the anxiety builds up and can literally keep me awake at night the few days before. I can rationalise why I feel this way and I think separate out genuine worrying symptoms which need to be checked/are worth worrying about vs general anxiety which needs to be controlled and to an extent, ignored as unfounded.

Is this normal? Do I sound normal? I just worry that I am being OTT and attention seeking. But on the other side of the coin, I think, unfortunately at every instance (fertility issues, number of IVFs needed to get pregnant, complications from IVF, losing a twin) we have been in the wrong side of the stats so it's not really surprising that I'm worried.

I think it's also hard as in the last year we have friends have a still birth and a loss at 18 weeks so we know that regardless of stage, things can go wrong.

Has anyone else experienced similar? How did you cope? Do I sound OK? I think I am, and the feelings I have are a normal reaction to a very hard situation but an outside perspective might be useful.

MrsChrisPratt Sat 29-Oct-16 11:40:52

I should probably add for context, I was made redundant from a job I loved earlier this year, and my new boss is basically bullying me, taking work off me, circumventing me, trying to stop me attending ante natal appointments and won't sign off my maternity leave, which is definitely increasing my stress levels massively on top of all the above

HairyScaryMonster Sat 29-Oct-16 12:55:43

You're having a really tough time and unfortunate the level of stress and anxiety you're experiencing sounds understandable.

My first pregnancy was relatively complication free and I didn't get much anxiety, but since a miscarriage I'm not able to relax and second guess every symptom. I think the more you know (friends with late losses) the more you worry.

It's easy to say the worrying won't stop anything happening, but try and follow that advice when your hormones are up the swanny already is a challenge!

RobberBride Sat 29-Oct-16 13:49:41

MrsChrisPratt you sound absolutely normal, and as ok as you could possibly be given the circumstances. Given everything you've been going through, I think you sound remarkably together.

I also had fertility treatment (though not as much as you) and had a rough start to the pregnancy (though again not as much as you). I think that feeling of being on the wrong side of the stats haunts every woman pregnancy after infertility. I'm 9+5 and I don't think I have ever spoken to/seen as many health professionals as I have in the last 6 weeks. It is easy to think that you are losing your mind.

Your boss is a twat. Can you try and get evidence in writing? eg emailing him to say 'I'm going to attend an appointment on X, I'll make up the time give details' so that he hopefully has to email you back if he wants to be a dick? Do you have an HR team? Can you contact www.maternityaction.org.uk for advice? I don't know what your financial situation is, but do you really need the job? If he's a twat now, he'll be worse if you try and go back after mat leave. A friend of mine in a similar situation ended up quitting her job and temping (in a managerial position) during her pregnancy; the firm recognised her skills and hired her after her maternity leave.

flowers for you. You're having a really shitty time, but I think you're doing amazingly well.

RobberBride Sat 29-Oct-16 13:50:53

Please excuse my shocking typos. Can I blame nausea and insomnia?!

MrsChrisPratt Sat 29-Oct-16 13:57:20

Thanks and sorry you're having a tough time too. My midwife did offer me some counselling but I said that I felt I was having a normal reaction to a very difficult situation and I wasn't really sure what anyone could say to me to make me feel better. She agreed and said if I wasn't worried she'd be worried about me!

But then I talk to people with no experience of this amd they look at me like I'm a lunatic for being worried after 12 weeks hmm

Vixxfacee Sat 29-Oct-16 14:02:10

Hi Mrs Chris, so sorry that you are going through this. You have had a really stressful time. Did they scan you at all after checking with the doppler to see where the bleeding came from? What kind of bleeding is it?

I think what you are feeling is normal, you have been through so much to get to this point. I had bleeding from 3-7 weeks and that's made me neurotic. I used a doppler from 15 -23 weeks as I was so paranoid and that's without any of the things that's you have experienced so there is no wonder you are feeling as you do flowers

RobberBride Sat 29-Oct-16 14:06:38

I spend too much time on the infertility and pregnancy boards to not worry. I'm so aware of how many women lose their babies after 20 weeks and 30 weeks and at term. And when it takes you years to get pregnant, the fear of losing what you have is so much worse.

I found this memoir oddly comforting. The writer is in a different situation to us - she has a psychiatric illness and was terrified about becoming a mother. But the way she writes about anxiety in pregnancy and about how hormonal changes affect women, I found quite helpful. There's also a nice bit where she says that women who are anxious in pregnancy are sometimes better equipped for the stresses of early motherhood. It might be bollocks but I'm clinging to it! www.amazon.co.uk/Love-Works-Like-This-Pregnant/dp/0747562172

ElliemackB Sat 29-Oct-16 14:10:44

You poor thing. You sound absolutely normal to me and I'm just so sorry to hear you are going through all this stress and uncertainty. Just to let you know I feel in a similar situation with my worry levels (30 weeks with IVF baby). I have been lucky so far with no bleeding or complications but the worry is always there. I am always wondering about movements, if we need more scans and the horrible thoughts that things can go wrong.
I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice or comfort but I think you sound very together and are dealing with all of this incredibly well. Sending hugs and support xx

Naschkatze Sat 29-Oct-16 14:12:17

I think it sounds completely normal and understandable; you've had such a difficult time.

I'm now 23 weeks after a molar pregnancy (the odds of which I was told are about 1:1000) and every symptom or change has me worrying. Like you, I'm in a complete panic before scans and appointments, convinced that "this will be the one where they tell me something is wrong."

I'm not sure I've got much good advice but wanted to say I think you're right that it's a normal response to everything you've been through. I try to take each day as it comes and not worry about 'bothering' the midwives - they are there to offer reassurance and in my experience so far don't seem to mind when you explain!

flowers, congratulations and very best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

MrsChrisPratt Sat 29-Oct-16 14:14:37

Thanks robber, yes, my boss is a total twat. Its actually a woman as well! When I had to go to hospital for an emergency scan as they thought I might miscarry the second baby she told me it was inconvenient and needed to be rearranged angry

I've spoken to hr already and they are generally supportive, it's just a case of working out the least stressful way of getting through to mat leave now. I could just stop now and use savings etc but there is always the underlying worry that something will go wrong with this pregnancy and we'll be back to spending £1000s a month trying to get pregnant again sad

RobberBride Sat 29-Oct-16 14:17:44

Whoops, that will teach me to be sexist and make assumptions! I'm glad HR is being supportive. Next time your boss is being a twat, can you look her in the eye and say 'please can you email me to explain why this is inconvenient? I'd find that useful' so she might realise you're watching her and that she's skating on thin ice legally?

MrsChrisPratt Sat 29-Oct-16 14:21:22

Wow, a flurry of posts there. Thanks everyone, it's nice to hear that people think I'm having a normal reaction rather than losing my mind which is how it can feel.

Luckily the bleeding is not too heavy this time vixx, they didn't scan me as have my 20 week scan booked for this coming Wednesday, bit suggested it could be come from the baby that died but didn't pass from my body.

MrsChrisPratt Sat 29-Oct-16 14:24:10

Yes that's a good idea Robber I think she may have some idea that I won't take things lying down as I've had a few meetings with HR and started communicating far more by email rather than verbally so I have some evidence.

RobberBride Sat 29-Oct-16 14:27:20

Lots of luck. Pregnancy is hard enough without having an awful boss!

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