Pregnant,5 dc's and unemployed...

[Somethingthathasnouse]

I have just found out I am 8 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy and I feel so torn about what to do.
I am 37, SP to 5 children, recently lost my job and have no savings. I live in a 3 bedroom council house and since losing my job and using my house deposit savings to stay afloat, now have no hope of buying my own home. My savings have been completely exhausted and I have had to start claiming Income Support and Child Tax Credits. I am barely managing to scrape by as it is.

My head tells me I CANNOT have this baby.
My heart tells me this is my baby and I CANNOT end this pregnancy.

I keep thinking of my previous pregnancies. I am only 4 weeks away from that wonderful 12 week scan where I would get to see my baby. 32 weeks away from bringing a beautiful new life into the world.
The sensible part of me is telling me I am 32 weeks away from a mouth to feed, a body to clothe, a new little person who would be crushed into our tiny house, who will need love and nurture and time and all I have to give is love. And love isn't all you need, is it? Love doesn't feed a child, or clothe a child or keep a child warm or a give them a chance for a happy,fulfilled life.

I know what I have to do but I am heartbroken by it. And I am so angry at myself for putting myself in this position.

I have a telephone consultation with BPAS booked for Thursday, when I'll be 9 weeks. Then an appointment will be arranged for stage one of a managed miscarriage. So I'll be at last 10 weeks then. 2 weeks away from that first sight of baby.
I KNOW it's the only option for me. But I'm so, so, sad that it is.
I don't know why I'm even posting this except I have no one I can talk to about this in rl and I need to get it out.

[stealthbanana]

Not going to give you advice as it is for you to make your decision.

But please make sure you get the support you need & I wish you luck and the very best of wishes whatever you decide.