Anxious & terrified. 34 weeks :(

[user1471927379]

Hi everyone. I posted earlier today about having fresh cream which scared me to death. But now i am noticing less movement. I have ctg monitoring three times a week and was just monitored this morning. Yesterday my baby was moving amazingly well, i had a scan on Wednesday so i knew she was okay so I wasn't really worried yesterday but today since ive woken up my worries are back. After the monitoring my little one was moving fine up until about 8pm tonight she has been moving well. I mean she has moved several times since 8 but i just feel like her movements are really spaced out. She is moving now as i type this & i know she sleeps but i cant get out this irrational fear i have in my head. A lot of nights I don't sleep because i will be watching out for her movements and i feel like in the time i'm asleep something could happen to her. They are completely tired of me at the hospital. I just feel like something will happen to my baby, i think about things that can go wrong everyday. & i know its not guranteed she will be fine so i'm not looking for reassurance but i just want to know if anyone else feels like this. Its a cycle of constant worry. How do i cope? I have been referred by my midwife for anxiety but this is going to take a few weeks. I just want these last 6 weeks of my pregnancy to be over asap. Just want to hold my baby girl in my arms then finally i'll know she's fine. Is anyone else going through this or am i going completely bonkers?

[Dixiechick17]

Hi, I had some pregnancy anxiety due to being at risk of pre term labour from 24 weeks and felt a little anxious, howevery anxiety mainly kicked in about six months post pregnancy and 16 months on I have just started counselling for it as it is consuming my life. You are not bonkers, anxiety is a bitch and can really make you over Frey and overthink things. With my anxiety I catastrophise everything. Anyway my point is that it is good that you are getting referred for help now, rather than letting it get worse than it is. I just wanted I say that I understand how you feel. Do you have private healthcare? I self referred through my private health through work and was seen by someone in less than a week.

[DeputyPecksBentBeak]

Anxiety is so hard to live with and manage. I haven't experienced with my dc (at least not to the extent you describe).

I would say please do follow through on the anxiety appointment when it does come through. It can be easy to think that all worries will go when baby arrives, and for the most part they do. However, new sets of worry arise, are they too hot/too cold, if they're ill. And who knows, you may very well be able to manage these much better than at present because you'll feel more able to do something about it.

Not trying to worry at all, just encouraging to have that support

[Apanicaday]

I had absolutely hideous antenatal anxiety - what you have posted sounds incredibly familiar to me. It was truely awful and I am sending a huge amount of sympathy your way. Can you push for a faster anxiety appointment? When mine was at its worst I had to push abd push to be seen in a reasonable time frame. I spent my whole pregnancy not being able to talk about when the baby was here - it was always if - and then I was petrified on top of all my worries about it going wrong that I might be damaging the baby because I was so stressed (my last ds was my worst pregnancy in terms of anxiety, and he's the most chilled out little thing I know!). I also ended up taking fluoxetine for a while whilst pregnant (and sertraline afterwards), which did help a bit. It's a really hideous condition - and one that doesn't ever seem to be mentioned - you are most definitely not the only person who has felt like you do

[user1471927379]

Thanks for replying girls its just one thing after another i guess. Now i feel like i am having pains in my sides when i touch the sides of my belly,on top of the movement not being normal to me. She was moving about five minutes ago,i literally panic if i haven't felt my baby in 20 minutes, i'm constantly on the lookout for movement. My mum has to remind me i have a 5lb baby in there so i am bound to have some aching here. I try not to worry but its so hard.

[flumpybear]

It is such a worry BUT it's far far far more likely your baby is absolutely fine. Also I recall being on monitors and even when I can't feel anything the monitors pick up movements. I had to press a button every movement I felt over x minutes (can't remember how many exactly - maybe 30?!) and my counts were something like 50 (can't recall exactly) but I do remember them telling me the monitor picked up hundreds of movements I hadn't even felt.
Also as your baby gets bigger there's less room to move around so easily so movements can be more subtle

It's an anxious time, but could you perhaps get a kicker app on your phone to keep you a bit more calm!?

[flumpybear]

It is such a worry BUT it's far far far more likely your baby is absolutely fine. Also I recall being on monitors and even when I can't feel anything the monitors pick up movements. I had to press a button every movement I felt over x minutes (can't remember how many exactly - maybe 30?!) and my counts were something like 50 (can't recall exactly) but I do remember them telling me the monitor picked up hundreds of movements I hadn't even felt.
Also as your baby gets bigger there's less room to move around so easily so movements can be more subtle

It's an anxious time, but could you perhaps get a kicker app on your phone to keep you a bit more calm!?

[Quodlibet]

It sounds like you need an urgent referral to address your anxiety. I've also suffered from it and know what a bitch it is. I had CBT which helped a lot. A book my CBT therapist recommended, which I found really helpful, is 'The Worry Cure' by Robert Leahy. You need some bel to identify the worry for what it is - unproductive and useless mental energy - and to change those thought patterns, which are clearly making you really miserable. Can you push with your GP/midwife team for a more urgent mental health referral?

[user1471927379]

Thsnk you girls. Quodlibet i agree i need a quicker referral. I say this as i have woken out of my sleep to count movements and also convinced i have woken up with symptoms of listeria,when will this cycle end. I really hate going to sleep, i just feel anything could happen to my babu during that time. Several times in the night i wake up to count movements. As today is Saturday I can't do much but Monday i am going to be straight on the phone to my GP to see if see can refer me a bit quicker than midwife can. Although i do think my anxiety has got 100 times worst after getting sepsis at 28 weeks which gained me a tiring five day hospital stay,so since then any little thing I perceive to be the worst thing I could possibly get. I think its worse because I know these thoughts are irriational but can't help myself clinging onto them. I am grateful as I don't have it as bad as others meaning some people can have suicidal thoughts & self harm etc,which I have never thought about or done honestly so i feel like me talking about my anxiety is a bit invalid as many other people it worse than me. Sometimes i just think ughh stupid brain lol

[GoofyTheHero]

Hi OP

I haven't had pregnancy related anxiety but I had sepsis when my DD was 9 days old and the sepsis caused postnatal anxiety. I think it was the fact that I thought I just had a simple infection and nearly died... since then (it was just over a year ago) I am so anxious whenever my 2 DD's, DH and I get ill in any way that it's going to lead to sepsis.
Definitely call your midwife on Monday and push for the referral. I really hope you get some help and can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

[Apanicaday]

Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean that you need to feel bad about needing help - think about it in terms of a broken leg - someone might have broken it so that bits of bone are poking through the skin and it requires long stays in hospital, others may have broken it so that it requires treatment and a course of physio - both still require treatment. You wouldnt think that the second person shouldn't get treatment because it's not bad enough - and it's the same with you. (I suffer from health anxiety too - I haven't ever wanted to harm myself and yet I'm still under the community mental health team for it). I agree with the previous poster who says you need to push for more urgent referral - the gp might have alternative ways of getting you access to services - and I know that because you are pregnant you will get some amount of priority (because I did).

[user1471927379]

Apanicaday good way of putting it. Goofythehero sepsis really is a scary thing. I am up now and i just feel like i have developed symptoms of listeria because i have a mild headache, I don't have any other symptoms..its probably from overthinking things. I am trying to think rational but theres always that what if in the back of my head. If someone i ate could hurt my child i woile never forgive myself

[Apanicaday]

The what ifs are the awful thing about anxiety (they are the bane of my life). Your headache will be from disturbed sleep and worrying, but I know how hard it is to keep rational about it all. Do you have any distraction techniques you can use? I taught myself to knit and crochet when I was pregnant - I found that concentrating on that helped to stifle the what ifs. I also now do a lot of colouring whilst listening to audio books - which again takes up a lot of my focus, stopping the nasty thoughts. It's not the best long term strategy for tackling the problem (which is something I'm still working on), but it might give you a bit of respite in the short term xx

[user1471927379]

Today was a good day as i was distracted by shopping so i guess that kinda put me in a good mood although the thoughts are always there. Have definitely been watching out for any fever symptoms but I think i'm fine. Felt like my lil one has been moving well although i'm panicking a little now as since I've got in bed she's been quiet for longer periods, probably sleeping but i keep poking my belly & when i feel her i am reassured but the reassurance doesn't last for long to be fair. Cannot wait till Monday morning so i can try get my GP to speed up my referral. I want to enjoy the remaining 6 weeks or so of my pregnancy but it just seems impossible at the moment!

[user1471927379]

I will 100% get the book, i will order it soon as today as one of those worrying days again. I'm just really concerned about her movements once again,she hasn't really been moving after I've eaten. I had a bath & in there she kicked up a storm but in the last three hours her movements seem very subtle & soft, she has kicked quite a bit but it feels different once again. I'm really worried, if its still like this in an hour i will be making my way to triage, for the 100th time. I'm just worried there's something really wrong this time

[user1471927379]

Also to add to that it feels like she's changed position as i can normally feel her bum on the side of my belly now i can feel something maybe like a limb. I don't know her movements just seem so more reduced compared to yesterday

[Quodlibet]

Hi OP, it's really normal for them to change position and for this to affect the movement pattern that you can feel.

Rubber really glad you are finding the book useful. I've recommended it so many times now because I found reading it was a proper 'Aha!' moment for me.