Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Can't keep on top of things

(20 Posts)
majic8ball Fri 21-Oct-16 18:49:26

Right here goes..
*14 + 5 weeks pregnant.
*
I'm really struggling to come home from work and make dinner and do the 'chores' that need doing.

Other half comes home from work and moans because I haven't done 'chores' for weeks.

Had a really rubbish first trimester. Sick a lot a lot. Second trimester is having it's up and downs but still not amazing.

..just want to sleep all the time. Feeling exhausted all the time.

Eminado Fri 21-Oct-16 18:50:44

Other half comes home from work and moans because I haven't done 'chores' for weeks.

He is aware that you are pregnant, right?
hmm

Whatsername17 Fri 21-Oct-16 18:55:45

Is he doing his chores?

majic8ball Fri 21-Oct-16 18:57:48

Yeah he's the one doing it (we have a cleaner but he has OCD so he comes home and runs the hoover round etc) xx

GlitterKisses Fri 21-Oct-16 19:06:27

No offence but I would tell him to do one. The cheek!!! He should be waiting on you hand and foot!! But trust me you will feel better come the second trimester. People would always say it to me but I was feeling so crappy up until about 20 weeks that I didn't believe them.

Oh and can I just say that if he thinks the house is a shit hole now he is going to get a huge shock when the baby is born.

This is coming from a new mummy who hasn't seen her bedroom floor for a month brewcakesmilesmile

Whatsername17 Fri 21-Oct-16 19:06:40

In that case it is his issue. If you are exhausted you need to rest. If he wants more doing he needs to do it himself. When the baby arrives he will need to relax his expectations a bit.

Christmasbaby16 Sat 22-Oct-16 19:28:14

Eminado being pregnant doesn't been your incapacitated. ...

Suninseptember Sun 23-Oct-16 07:21:12

Christmasbaby, your post really angered me. Do you know what the other person's been through so far?
No you don't but you know what? I can imagine because I am in the same boat.

Pregnancy is not the same for every women and whist you can still run for the bus, some can't.

Pregnancy is not an excuse I agree but you are proving oxygen for another life as well as nutrients. Believe it or not it can be exhausting.

Either log in to your account with knowledge that you are going to provide help and advice that can be possibly followed or don't log in at all because logging in just to give catty responses isn't on.
Especially the three dots at the end.

Suninseptember Sun 23-Oct-16 07:22:37

Sorry for typos. On phone.

amysmummy12345 Sun 23-Oct-16 07:26:40

I couldn't even go into our dining room for six months because even the smell of it would make me heave YANBU op, HG crippled me for months...

DrWhy Sun 23-Oct-16 07:29:26

I had the worlds easiest pregnancy and I was still utterly exhausted in the first trimester. DH made dinner every night as if he hadn't I'd have just gone to bed at 7pm without eating. The first night he didn't get dinner on early I did in fact do just that, he was so worried that he basically fed me for weeks. He is far from perfect but he did understand that growing a new human made me very tired! I also found the tiredness reduced a lot (I was going to the gym at 6 months and still walking up hills at 8!) so it may get better for you but you really need to sit your DP down and make him understand what pregnancy does to your body. As you get further along you won't be able to bend to pick things up off the floor easily or carry heavy things like baskets of wet washing - so if he wants the house to stay in the same state he will have to do more.

angelicjen Sun 23-Oct-16 07:31:04

I was the same for the first 20 weeks, it's exhausting. Both your and your husbands priority needs to be looking after you, not the house. If he doesn't get that you need to spell it out to him. It's nit going to be any easier when you have a small baby to look after so now is a good time for him to start improving his behaviour.

Ebbenmeowgi Sun 23-Oct-16 07:31:22

Actually Christmasbaby I was incapacitated in the first trimester. Felt awful and absolutely exhausted, would fall asleep the moment I got home from work. As sun said, it's very different experiences for each woman.

Op he's being unreasonable,, my partner was happy to do all the cooking, cleaning etc when I felt shit. Had a wonderful burst of energy and happiness in the second trimester though, so hope the same happens for you smile

milkshakeandmonstermunch Sun 23-Oct-16 07:32:15

I agree with PP. Pregnancy can be so different for different women. I know people breeze through them. My first pregnancy was fine after week 14. My second pregnancy I was ill in one way or another pretty much the entire time.

OP your OH needs to either accept that the house will not be to his standards or he needs to pick up the slack. Those are his only options. I have never been as tired as I have been during pregnancy and I say that as someone with a 5-day-old-baby. I have barely slept for a week. My mind and body are knackered but I'm still not as tired as I was when I was pregnant (literally could not lift my head off the pillow at times). Your body is telling you to rest! Hoovering can wait.

Christmasbaby16 Sun 23-Oct-16 09:41:14

Slight exaggeration I'm sure as I'm sure you were actually able to move, whether you felt like it or not.

However, it's about making the right choices to make life a little easier by looking at what must be done, what can be done and what can wait to be done. If somebody has OCDthat bad then perhaps they ought to draw up a list, as above, to manage this.

Any health professional will advice that, actually, if you a take gentle exercise (10/15 min walk will suffice) you will actually feel more energised. It's also about what you are putting into your body to help it to adapt to and support pregnancy.

I have had no choice but to remain active and despite at times not particularly wanting to walk our dog at 6 am of a morning for 45mins, and followed by two other walks throughout the day (whilst working 40+hrs in the nhs) I have no choice due to my husband's work pattern. However what I can say is how much I benefit from this and pleased to say at 34/40 I have had no aches/pains of which I'm sure is as a result of remaining active. Seriously, if you're a struggling, try it - it may work wonders smile

A few lifestyle choices that you've probably not considered would actually go a long way.

I also question if you are that exhausted, but have so much to do, why you would spend time behind a computer/mobile device wasting time rather than doing essential things.. the glare from devices/computers alone enhance the feeling of being tired.

Additionally, nobody has said pregnancy would be easier but chances are you've made a choice to get pregnant therefore you have to expect the Rough with the smooth hmm

FredFlintstonesSister Sun 23-Oct-16 11:34:57

OP, this is my second pregnancy and at 18 weeks I feel truly exhausted. I have a toddler to look after as well as working part time and my DH and I have started thinking about getting a cleaner. I totally feel your pain but would also like to second what others have said about the mess you are likely to generate post-baby. Not to scare you, but I think you need to talk to your DH about lowering his expectations. If he is unable to do this because of OCD he either has to take responsibility for most of the housework or else seek help. CBT might be useful. Looking after a newborn is a full time job and you won't be in a position to run around putting things away. Can I add, while some of christmas' advice might be accurate and even helpful, that was an extremely bitchy and sanctimonious post! Good luck, OP.

Eminado Tue 25-Oct-16 23:36:02

Christmasbaby ......

......

Nope, still no words.

summerskittles91 Wed 26-Oct-16 09:24:47

Christmasbaby16

from 6/7 weeks till 16 weeks I was throwing up at least 10 times a day most days. Having suffered a previous miscarriage I was told not to do any exercise or strenuous work in the first 12 weeks. I have such bad back pain that I can't turn over in bed at night without being agony, which gets worse when I've been on feet or been walking too much.

I'm 17 weeks and now throwing up 2-3 times a day. These last few weeks have been the hardest I've ever been through. I work full time come home to 2 nieces under 4 and still do my bit.

I think it's really insensitive of you to start commenting on what a breeze you've been through because it's really not the same for everyone, and nor does everyone have a great support network around them.

OP is obviously not doing as well as you were and I'm sure they're after some words of support and not your smugness tbh.

majic8ball

I went for a flu jab yesterday and told the nurse how I was feeling, she said it's easy to hear people having a breeze, but if you feel tired, just rest, listen to your body and don't over do it. Not everyone is the same. Explain to your DH you're physically and mentally drained and if he's not happy he can just do the stuff himself. Don't let it get you down. And I totally get the feeling of wanting to sleep all the time, I'm sat at work and could easily wrap up in my scarf and have a nap! x

Kittenrush Wed 26-Oct-16 09:34:29

Christmasbaby what an unpleasant attitude you have. I hope your work in the NHS doesn't involve patient interaction with that 'I'm better than everyone else' vibe you've got going on there. OP I'm sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish, I've been incredibly lucky and been able to function most days but there have been a few where I just cannot, at all. I reckon a sit down and a chat with your chap is needed maybe. Let him know you feel bad enough about not being able to do certain things and him complaining isn't helping! Also, start small. Yes the entire house may need attention but start with cleaning out one cupboard or doing the dishes and then stop. I found that really helpful for me. I clean in intervals lol. Hope you feel better soon xxx

FenellaMaxwell Wed 26-Oct-16 11:45:46

Oh well let's just all queue up to give Christmasbaby a big shiny trophy for being so perfect, shall we? hmm I'm sure it's made the OP feel so much better to hear you're finding the whole thing a breeze.

OP don't worry too much about getting things done at this stage - I'm 25 weeks now, and found the first 18 weeks the most tiring. Have a firm conversation with your DO about managing his expectations and not projecting his OCD, and just rest where you can. flowers for you - it does start to get a bit easier soon.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now