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Tested positive today and feeling a whirlwind of emotions - scared, happy, sad, excited, guilty...

(1 Post)
Mamushka Wed 21-Sep-16 22:06:00

I've got one DS age 2.5 and today tested positive for my second...

Feeling a whirlwind of different emotions this evening.

I feel scared because I'm only 4/5 weeks pregnant and it seems so early, anything could happen and it could all go wrong.

I'm feeling happy because we did want a second baby. But we were only trying for one month, it's happened really quickly and I'm kind of in shock! I'm shitting myself because I remember nights and sleeping being awful with DS. Daytimes were bliss and pure happiness but night times were hell... DS now has wonderful lie-ins, sometimes sleeping until 9am or occasionally even later! Why am I throwing that away for the chaos of a newborn...

I feel like I should be focussing on the positives but at the same time I can't allow myself to get too excited in case something goes wrong at this early stage.

I feel sad that DS will no longer be my only little baby, in fact he'll be a great big boy and I'll have a new little baby.

I feel guilty that I got pregnant so fast (twice!) and I have infertile friends. I feel guilty about telling my mum already even though its so early and I won't be able to tell anyone else for months! I feel guilty that I ate stilton for lunch, drank wine all week, did a strenuous workout yesterday and haven't been taking my vitamins reliably for the last few days.

I do feel happy when I think of two excited little children at Christmas times in the future, or two happy children laughing as they chase eachother round the garden. Or when I imagine DS gazing at his new baby sibling as he holds it in his little chubby arms.

Its so weird feeling so many emotions at once. I can't believe I have to go to work tomorrow and not be utterly distracted. I remember the first pregnancy I pretty much thought about being pregnant every second of the day and I can't imagine having another 9 months like that again!

Happy, sad, scared, excited, guilty, everything all at once confused confusedconfusedconfusedconfused

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