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Dad passed away and im pregnant

(11 Posts)
Kaylajade21 Sun 11-Sep-16 23:46:03

Hi everyone, wondered if anyone can help me with any advice? Im desperate.
So my dad has just passed away at the age of 59 and i am 22 and 4 weeks pregnant after having a miscarriage 3 months ago.
Have no idea how i am going to cope and scared somethings going to happen now with me being basically distraught. sad

IAteSomeofthePies Sun 11-Sep-16 23:51:24

I'm so very sorry for your losses. I don't think that grief can cause a miscarriage, but I imagine it will magnify all the anxieties of early pregnancy after a miscarriage. Take care of yourself. I hope you have lots of support in real life.

EreniTheFrog Mon 12-Sep-16 07:48:18

I am so, so sorry. If you do a search on here, you'll find that sadly many women on here have lost a parent whilst pregnant, and that they usually did somehow cope. Do keep posting on here flowers

MrsLilac Mon 12-Sep-16 08:16:47

Hi hun, I'm pregnant and just lost my dad too. It was very very traumatic and emotional of course but baby is fine and I have tried really hard to remain as positive as possible. I think it will hit me more once baby is here as im just not letting myself get too sad for the babies sake. Take each day as it comes and keep telling yourself that your dad would want you to enjoy your pregnancy and be happy! The worst part for me is knowing he won't meet his grandchild. It breaks my heart but there is nothing I can do so I just try not to think about it. Good luck, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Scotmum83 Mon 12-Sep-16 08:43:50

I am so sorry for your loss, my dad passed away when I was 24 when my SIL was pregnant with my nephew. It was a really stressful time for us all but having a baby on the way gave us all something to focus on and look forward too. Try and rest, if you are working get signed off work for a while and ask if there is any grief counselling available to you, you may not be ready for that yet but i would really recommend talking to someone outside our your family when you feel up to it.

Sassypants82 Mon 12-Sep-16 10:44:02

I got pregnant 4 weeks after my brother died, tragically. Actually, although I was utterly devastated, it was a wonderful time of hope & celebration for my entire family. It gave us something to focus on & brought such joy once my DC was born. My pregnancy felt blessed with having my very own Angel watching over me. Get loads of rest & grieve as much as you need to. I'm so sorry for your loss. flowers

LisaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 12-Sep-16 10:52:03

Kaylajade21 I am so sorry for your loss too and just wanted to send you and your baby positive thoughts. What I find helpful with grieving is to allow yourself short periods of time when you think about the person you've lost - at first those periods may just be seconds, but over time you'll be able to stay with those thoughts for a longer time. Then, when you find it's becoming painful (try to focus on the happy times you've shared with your Dad rather than the ones you won't be sharing), distract yourself by doing something else. In this way you'll get to honour your Dad's memory without it becoming overwhelming. Also do lots of breathing, relaxation practice, yoga and sleeping to give yourself time to heal. Your Dad lives on in you - and will also live on in your beloved baby once he or she is born.

Christmasbaby16 Mon 12-Sep-16 15:46:40

I am so so sorry for your loss. Try and stay positive and keep in your mind that your dad would want you to look after yourself and keep your little one safe. Take comfort in knowing he knew you were expecting. My thoughs are with you and your family.

Sgoinneal Mon 12-Sep-16 16:30:31

This happened to me almost exactly, mc and all.

It is awful and you will find comfort in some things, pain in others. You will have no way of knowing which is which. The baby will give everyone a focus but you can't help but feeling sad that dad isn't there to meet them.

Best thing you can do for yourself and baby is allow yourself to grieve. I am so sorry this has happened to you, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. flowers

Kaylajade21 Mon 12-Sep-16 19:14:03

Thankyou so much everyone for your replies, it really means so much to me. Reading these messages have really helped to know that other people go through this daily and can still be so positive and helpful towards other people. Its my first really close loss so not really knowing what to expect over these next few weeks/months. I think i have every emotion possible, but it can only get easier i suppose. Thankyou again every one, will def be taking all your advice into account. Some lovely people out there xx

Grace1980 Tue 13-Sep-16 21:35:28

Hi kaylajade21,

Just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. My dad died while I was pregnant with my first daughter (his first grandchild). It was a very fast illness, and really unexpected (he was fit and seemingly healthy up until that point) so I was in terrible shock. I asked the hospice staff about the effects of stress on the baby and they reassured me that babies are very tough! My daughter was fine smile look after yourself, though. I put all my energy into caring for my newborn, and it did all catch up with me after a while. I had some counselling which helped enormously. The baby is strong! And you will be there to care for him / her, but make sure you take good care of yourself too. You matter hugely.

It does get easier. Its now 5 years since dad died and although I miss him every day, that terrible grief of the early days does lessen.

Wishing you all the best xx

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