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Miscarriage - what to do...

(33 Posts)
BestBeastie Sat 10-Sep-16 16:19:36

I'm bleeding. Not a surprise: went to for an early scan after some spotting on Thursday and foetus measuring at just under 6 weeks when it should have been 9.

I'm just concerned as I've no idea what to expect. I remember the doctor mentioned going to A and E under some conditions but I can't remember exactly what he said (I was a bit in shock and on my own) and that's the last thing I want to do now tbh.

At the moment the bleed is relatively light, like the first day of a period, and its strongly red.I'm feeling more cramping and obviously things are starting to go somewhere now.

But I just wanted to know more about what I can expect:

how heavy should the bleeding get?
How long does this last for?
Is there anything I need to look out for - danger signals?
What should I be envisaging in terms of pain?

I know this isn't a comfortable topic but I would really appreciate any help here. It's pretty rubbish enough without the whole unknown thing thrown in.

andadietcoke Sat 10-Sep-16 16:27:14

I'm sorry for your loss.

I managed my mc at home. Pain was on the level of severe period pains. Take painkillers and a water bottle on my tummy helped. I think the heaviest bleeding was only for about 24 hours. I travelled home from Tunisia at the beginning of this time with no San pro and it was manageable with a load of flannels (I know). At home I used heavy flow sanitary towels and just curled up and waited it out. At its worst I sat on the loo for a little while.

Take care of yourself. Talk about it.

FATEdestiny Sat 10-Sep-16 16:28:51

I miscarried at nearly 13 weeks, baby measuring 5 weeks.

There was a lot of blood. I preferred staying at home and I'm glad I did. But if I had been prepared for the level of gore, my BF went thro the same 6m earlier so I had anticipated the shocking amount of blood and gore. If unprepared I can undrstand the shock leading some to seek a&e reassurance.

My recomendation from my friend that I'll pass on:

Get all the towels in the house and like them by the bed
Lie in a towel folded 4 times
Change towel regularly, but just chuck the bloody one on the floor, don't worry about cleaning up yet
Sitting in the toilet will help, gravity makes the blood come out quicker
SO NOT LOOK INTO THE TOILET - just flush

Spindelina Sat 10-Sep-16 16:30:23

Oh no Best.

My 12-week scan in May showed much the same, but I hadn't had any bleeding before that.

I started bleeding the next day. It got heavier and quite painful (crampy) over the first few days, then the pain subsided and the bleeding got more intermittent, but with some largish clots. It lasted about a week.

I started bleeding Friday evening and was in work on Monday, but there were a couple of times where I needed to dash to the loo - I wouldn't have wanted to be standing in front of a load of students at those moments.

I was told to go to A&E if the pain or bleeding was "too much", whatever that means.

bomfunk Sat 10-Sep-16 16:31:32

Be prepared for a lot of blood. Painkillers, stick a box set on to take your mind off it. I miscarried at 13 weeks, but pregnancy had ended at 6 (my body just would it let go). The pain sort of culminated in contraction type pains and I passed a lot of very large clots, then after that the bleeding slowed down. I'm so sorry you're going through this flowers

SloanePeterson Sat 10-Sep-16 16:38:00

I m really sorry you're going through this. I don't want to frighten you but I'm in hospital now having been admitted yesterday. I miscarried at 9 weeks and had a little red bleeding for a few days and yesterday I just flooded everywhere. The bleeding and clotting wouldn't stop and I had to call an ambulance. I've had a pretty bad time of it and I lost half my blood volume yesterday and have had some large transfusions overnight, following an Erpc under general anaesthetic. If you start to feel anything odd or that you can't cope with, get to a hospital immediately. I'm normally a keep calm and carry on kind of girl, but if I'd have stayed at home yesterday, I'd now be dead. I was apparently very close to cardiac arrest last night as my blood pressure dropped dramatically before they realised I needed a transfusion. Ironically I felt very relaxed and far away while all this was happening but today I'm in quite a bit of shock at the whole thing. I have miscarried once before at 6 weeks with no such complications, merely bleeding like a heavy period, so I was in no way prepared for what happened yesterday. I'm sure you'll experience nothing at all like this, all I'm trying to say is please don't try to minimise anything you're going through. If in doubt, get to hospital as soon as you can. They won't ever think you're wasting their time x

Imnotaslimjim Sat 10-Sep-16 16:50:21

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a horrid thing to get through. I had 6 losses before getting my 2 DC.

As to the practicalities, you've been given some fantastic advice here. Try and get everything you'll need close by (drinks, chocolate, films to watch) close to hand so you can just curl up.

You asked when you would know if you needed to go to hospital - the nurse advised that if you were filling a heavy pad in less than an hour this is classed as heavy loss and needs checking.

For me, it was apparent when it was coming to the end and like fate I spent that time on the toilet so it was easier to manage.

Take care and be kind to yourself. flowers

Gallievans Sat 10-Sep-16 16:58:48

Oh you poor darling. I'm sitting here with tears pouring down my face for you. The advice above is all good - get the towels and the painkillers and a hot water bottle. My Ob/Gynae also advised a check up at the GP once the bleeding has stopped - this is essential to ensure that everything has been lost or it could lead to complications. I had 5 before I had DD and managed all but two at home; the first and last. The last one I needed a D&C under anaesthetic as my body just wanted to hang on to the foetus.

If your partner is available get them to sit with you for at least the first day or so, and DON'T feel the need to rush back to work. Everyone deals with a miscarriage differently and while some can carry on, others can't. You know your body best and how you deal with things.

But flowers and hugs; please take care xxx

BestBeastie Sat 10-Sep-16 17:41:02

Thanks for sharing everyone, I know it must be hard to do so (hello Spin - hoping y'all doing better than me on the 35+ board!)

The advice is great, thanks. It's good to know the situation (and I'm relieved I'm not travelling back from Tunisia, andadietcoke: that sounds pretty horrible).

I'm also feeling terrifically tearful, moody, angry. So at the moment it feels like normal AF, but every so often I remember that a week ago I was approaching my 9 week mark and my booking appointment. And then more tears....

But I'll get through it. My work doesn't start back up until the week after next so I expect I'll be ok, more's the pity. One of the things getting me through this year was the prospect of an April baby, but that'll learn me to put too much investment into such a shaky deal.

I'm really sorry to hear about your traumatic experience Sloane but thanks for the warning: I'm so glad you're ok and I'm wishing you all the best for your recovery. I certainly won't take this lightly. [Fwiw - your name is the only thing making me smile at the moment. I've got the "Bueller?....Bueller?...Bueller?" scene going round in my head. John Hughes, RIP: you really made the world a better place.]

oliversax Sat 10-Sep-16 18:07:10

Sorry you are going through this. Really good advice above, especially to keep an eye on things and to seek help if you're in any way worried.

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, measuring less than 6 weeks at scan. Physically it was no worse than a heavy period and it wasn't particularly painful. As stated above, I could tell when it was about to happen so sat on the toilet for a while so I didn't have to see anything, made it easier to deal with. I just wanted to give another perspective as it may not be physically (I use that again as the emotional impact is different) as bad as you might expect. Take care.

Seriousjockin Sat 10-Sep-16 21:16:55

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I miscarried at 6 weeks and (while we were devastated) physically speaking, it was unpleasant, but definitely nothing to be frightened of.

It was like a very heavy period, and I passed some clots, but the worst was over within about 48 hours and then it was just like a slightly longer period, I think the bleeding lasted around 8 or 9 days. I had some period pains but only in the first couple of days. I stayed in, rested and watched a lot of telly and got my husband and mum to bring me comfort food. I felt tired but fine.

Be kind to yourself and know that you will get through it. It sucks, but you'll come out the other side.

eastcoastmum2014 Sat 10-Sep-16 21:20:13

Hi, I'm so sorry you are going through this, I miscarried at 6 weeks last Feb and it started like a normal period and eventually lead to clots and I eventually passed the sack. It was manageable with pain relief but traumatic so make sure you have lots of support around you! I did go into the epu at the hospital and they scanned me and gave me a blood test to make sure my body had passed all of the pregnancy completely, so it might be worth getting checked out at the hospital when you feel ready! I do want to say though that this isnt the end, I miscarried dc2 in Feb this year and I am now being kicked by Dc3 due in February! Sending lots of hugs from one mummy to another xxx

Spindelina Sun 11-Sep-16 08:53:56

How's it going today, Best?

In my answer, I forgot to mention the RAGE. Full on hormonal scary woman rage. Worst on day 3 (so tomorrow for you). Fortunately, I had a wall which needed the ivy stripping off it.

Suzie2287 Sun 11-Sep-16 12:15:05

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this.

When I had my miscarriage in June, it started off as a light period, then it got worse, and it was just like the most awful period I've ever had. I was losing quite large clots and I found that sitting on the toilet helped. The pain was a bit worse than normal period pain. I had a natural miscarriage at home, and the worst of it happened on a Sunday overnight into Monday. Then, the bleeding lasted for about 5 or 6 days like a period. That was the worst night of my life, and I am so sorry that you are having to go through it too.

Big hugs x

BestBeastie Sun 11-Sep-16 17:39:49

Thanks Suzie. I'm kind of preparing myself that this may be a long night....Bleeding started full on about 2 hours ago and doesn't seem to be abating. I'm getting pretty bored of sitting on the toilet and hoping I might manage at least a bit in front of the TV.

And I'm PMS grumpy Spin rather than rage, which may change. Unfortunately I have been very grumpy with both DH and poor DS. But DH took DS to the park, which was a good things because that's when it really kicked in. They're on their way back now and I will try to keep my crap together a bit better. I feel dispirited rather than anything visceral - back to square one, with all the anxieties about whether I'm actually able to get - and now stay - pregnant. But I'll get over it.

The stupid thing is that I"m really fixated on the weight I've put on. I didn't hit the cream cakes but I certainly ate more than I am used to and my clothes don't fit. Part of this may be bloat and I expect to lose it now. But I was on the verge of buying maternity clothes because everything was so tight... I am going to feel far worse if I have to buy a size up. Stupid to be focusing on something so trivial really.

JCleRoux Sun 11-Sep-16 17:42:12

Having just gone through the same thing two weeks ago I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss flowers

SloanePeterson Sun 11-Sep-16 19:41:13

Beastie, I feel you about the weight. But (and sorry, this is quite grim) I was sat on my fair share of bedpans this weekend and there was a lot of stuff in there. Just the extra tissue from your uterus is far far more than you'd ever imagine it could be, and must weigh a fair amount. Same with my boobs, they've instantly deflated and tbh it's quite a relief for them not to be so tender anymore. And if you had to eat to get through the nausea too, you can't hold that against yourself. Ironically, now it's all over I can't actually button the jeans I was fine in on Thursday. I feel like I've pulled every muscle in my tummy though. In a way I'm grateful I was in hospital as my sons didn't have to see me unwell and on the loo and I didn't have to deal with their questions. It's absolutely gutting, I know. I'm not going to try again, I've managed to frighten the life out of myself and my family and I was given the depo injection before they discharged me this morning. Try and have a good few days slobbing around in pjs, you'll have probably lost a bit of bloat when you're ready to get up. I'm very grateful dh is taking tomorrow off, as much as I might protest I'm nowhere near ready to be up and about. Do you have anyone to help for the next few days?

Spindelina Sun 11-Sep-16 20:44:06

Yeah, I hear you about the weight too. I've been pregnant twice in 2016 so far and I'm about 10kg heavier than I was in February. Part of that was eating to stave off sickness, but fuck it cake (term coined on 35+ thread) hasn't helped, nor has not really wanting to go full out dieting when I'm TTC.

First time round, I'd bought some maternity clothes in the Vertbaudet sale, and left them unopened pending results of scan. So they went back in the post box unopened.

Is DS at school tomorrow?

BestBeastie Sun 11-Sep-16 21:55:32

Hi spin yup, no dieting here either. We are jumping back in to ttc as soon as we can. Ttcing i can manage but I seriously hate, hate, hate early pregnancy - but I guess I'd be lucky to get there again any time soon.

DS at school tomorrow. First full week. Little man seems to be ok, but feel really bad about what an inadequate parent I am at the moment. It's good he's at school though. I don't think it would be good for him to be around me at the moment. He's doing so well and I'm so proud of him, the little chimp.

How's yours doing at school Spin?

BestBeastie Sun 11-Sep-16 23:09:00

•sloane* - sorry I missed you there. glad you have help tomorrow - and great that you're out of hospital. I hope all goes well with your recovery.And no wonder you're frightened - I would be: you had a near miss and a real freak of an experience. I can only imagine - and I hope I would only imagine....tbh.

No one around tomorrow. Will probably have to pick up my son at 3, so I'm hoping things will be a little easier: there's no way I could have moved from the house this afternoon and evening.

Spindelina Mon 12-Sep-16 09:23:06

Mixture of emotions when I miscarried, but, especially the first time, the main one was pissed off that I'd spent two months feeling crap, all for nothing - by the time I started feeling crap, the pregnancy had already ended.

Glad to hear DS is getting on well - go easy on yourself. DD was in for the morning on Friday. I never understood starting for half a day before the weekend, but it's been nice to have the whole weekend to recover! She loved it, but the emotional energy expenditure was massive.

Hope you feel better for pick up this afternoon.

Gallievans Mon 12-Sep-16 16:43:15

bestbeastie just checking in to see how you are doing today and whether you've survived the school run?

BestBeastie Mon 12-Sep-16 21:14:27

Thanks for asking Gallievans. Tbh I feel crap. Just managed the school pick up though (had to be very quick and worried the whole way about blood loss). But then managed to get cross at ds when he was picky about his dinner (he was very tired).
But I am very drained and still slightly in shock about the whole thing, let alone the amount of blood I've lost. Will take is easy tomorrow but now I think I'll be able to move out of the house without worrying I truly need to get myself a bit more together otherwise I'm going to succumb to this really shitty mood and find it tough to get out.
But thanks for asking. I've told a fair few close friends but despite that and my absolutely wonderful DH I feel very alone.

Spindelina Mon 12-Sep-16 21:22:40

flowers

positivity123 Mon 12-Sep-16 21:26:41

I had one last year. Just be warned that the bleeding is likely to start up again. I tried to go back to work as the bleeding had been light for over 24 hours then I had another heavy bleed.
The whole thing knocked me for six. I was knackered about three weeks and just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness that would sneak up on me. Be kind to yourself, it's not until it's all over that you realise just how traumatic it is. I also felt alone but lots of cuddles with DH helped us both.

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