Weight crisis

[H0p3]

Hi all. Think I'm just looking for some reassurance/a good talking to/a shoulder to cry on.

It's probably a bit pathetic but I've just had a complete meltdown over my size. I started pre-pregnancy slightly underweight and with a history of eating disorders and problems. I was thin and had been used to being thin for years although I always saw myself as 'too big'.

Well, I'm not thin anymore. I've put on 3 stone in weight. I have love handles on my love handles and I'm struggling to find anything that I like to wear. I just want to put on some skinny jeans and a tshirt and feel comfortable. After 10 mins in topshop struggling in and out of an array of jeans I feel disgusted with myself and can't stop crying. I hate that I look so big. And I hate that I feel this way at all. Everyone tells me how lovely and pregnant I look and how I should be embracing my bump and blah blah blah. I don't feel that way. I hate how I look. I don't hate my bump. I love her and I love having her, but I can't stand the rest of my body. And right now I can't seem to pull myself together. I really can't seem to put this in perspective. Please someone tell me I'm not the only one....I know I sound shallow and selfish but this is such an issue I've battled with for so long. I can't seem to pull my head out of this negative space.

If you've got this far thanks for reading. Xx

[UnicornPee]

If you are currently pregnant you really shouldn't be worrying about your weight.
When I was Pregant with my daughter I got fat ALL OVER (as apposed to no extra weight with my son)
A few months after giving birth I slowly lost the weight and eventually back to normal.
I'm 12 weeks with my 3rd and I'm already a fatty but I don't care as I am pregnant!!.
If months after having this baby I'm still larger I will go on a healthy eating diet.

[yeOldeTrout]

Not many people feel comfy in their bodies at late pregnancy, so some of that is pretty normal.

You're growing a baby. This is your body's job right now.

You shouldn't decide your self-worth based on your body size -- but you know that. What counselling are you getting for understanding why you can't stop feeling that your body size is important, and what can you do to lose those feelings?

[H0p3]

Thanks Unicorn. I should have said (but was too busy blubbing and feeling sorry for myself) that I'm 30+2 with my first. I think it's just taken me by surprise tonight as I've come this far and, given my previous issues, have dealt with the body changes quite well. I've eaten healthily and regularly and as soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped restricting my diet in the way I normally did. So to look in the mirror and feel such self hatred was a bit of a shock. I knew my body would change but I guess I was hoping for a) less weight gain and b) more acceptance of it. I will keep reminding myself it is only temporary though.

[StrawberryMouse]

I think pregnancy and the shape changes and extra weight feels a bit alien to everyone, you don't recognise your own body and it's unsettling!

You're nearing the end now and will lose the extra weight easily if it's something you care about, especially if you were small to start with. Just keep reminding yourself it's a temporary state and try to enjoy it for what it is!

[H0p3]

Thanks yeolde. It's sounds mad but it really is good to know that it's not uncommon to feel uncomfortable in the later stages. Seems like it should be obvious but it's good to hear.

I had CAT therapy a couple of years ago which was amazing and taught me all sorts of tools for dealing with extremely low self esteem and self worth. I've also been in and out of different therapies and counselling since a teenager for the eating. Currently I'm not receiving any which has been fine and it has all been under control. The feelings tonight kind of came out of nowhere but I think I'll mention them when I see my midwife next week.

[Halloweenbaby]

Im 36 weeks and have put nearly 4 stone on after being slim for over a year and loving my body after years of being overweight and hating myself. Everyone tells me how tiny I am and it annoys me because I know they mean my bump is tiny in comparison to the rest of my massive body I havent been watching what I eat so am looking forward to restricting myself and not feeling sick due to amount I eatand going for winter walks with baby

[Honeybee79]

You're def not alone in feeling this way OP. Women who don't have a history of eating disorders often feel like this, so if you do have a history then it's totally understandable.

You're nearly there. Just keep going. Pregnancy in general is a bit of an exercise in loss of control over your body. When your baby is here you will hopefully feel better and can take some time getting your fitness back etc if that's what you want to do.

If you were underweight before getting pg then it sounds to me like you have put on a healthy amount of weight during the pregnancy, so focus on the fact that the weight is what your body needed to gain to grown a healthy baby and keep you healthy too.

[Dixiechick17]

It is really tough when you have a history of an ED, I used to have an eating disorder and put on four stone in pregnancy. I had some melt downs when everything clothes wise feel uncomfortable, the weight did come off pretty well after my DD was born, I did tell my midwife and consultant about my previous ED and had support if needed. Have you spoken to them about it?

I found this last trimester the hardest, and felt very self conscious. I was also underweight pre pregnancy.

I feel better now, I am 15 months post birth, again post birth I made the health visitor aware so that I had support available if needed, but to be honest a newborn was a great distraction.

[Dixiechick17]

Please excuse all the typos and crap wording

[emsler]

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I'm the opposite end of the weight spectrum but have a history of bulimia. Plus I've been steadily (slowly) losing for 2 years so I'm used to seeing the scales go down (or at least stay the same!). I think when you've had ED issues, even putting on a few pounds is scary in a way people without your history wouldn't understand - so I really feel for you. I think it's definitely worth speaking to your midwife and possibly even popping in to see a counsellor - it's bound to have triggered some feelings and you want to get those under check so you can enjoy having your wee one. :)

[H0p3]

Thanks all - you have really made me feel better and it's so good to have somewhere to come to express this. Almost no one in real life seems to understand although my DP is incredibly supportive and tells me how gorgeous I am and how proud he is of me which helps (of course I don't believe him.)

Have had some really crap news at work today too regarding a job I had applied for which has totally knocked my sense of self worth too and coming here and reading your supportive messages has made me feel better. Thank you all for that.

[Honeybee79]

Sorry to hear about the work news! Hope you have reasonable weekend and remember that you're definitely not alone in how you feel about your pregnant body .