high anxiety before 12 week scan after previous loss - help!

[zopeckham]

Hi ladies,

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and having my 12 week scan next week.

I'm totally overwhelmed by anxiety about at the moment. I had an unplanned but wanted pregnancy a few years ago, had a dating scan at 10 weeks showing all fine, but when I had my 12 week scan they said there was evidence of chromosomal anomaly and said I had a 5% chance of baby surviving till birth. I hung on for another 4 weeks hoping the baby would ok but she got worse and in the end I stopped the pregnancy when told i would lose her imminently. I couldn't manage walking around waiting to miscarry and as I was in a bit of a precarious relationship, was put under a lot of pressure by (ex) partner to do so. It turned out my little one was a little girl with Turner's syndrome.

I'm absolutely terrified before my scan next week. I know it's not a heriditary condition so high chance it won't repeat and had a 9 week scan showing baby is expected size and good heart beat, but neither of those reassure me. I'm also in a much more supportive, happy long term relationship so try to tell myself that even if something went wrong again, things would be different relationship wise but I'm also scared of what that would do to my relationship with my boyfriend.

I'm trying to be positive and enjoy being pregnant, but when I let myself do that, I get all these thoughts about 'don't be so naieve, it'll never happen for you'.

Any tips about managing these feelings would be massively appreciated

X x

[EreniTheFrog]

I find that exercise helps - especially something repetitive like walking or cycling or swimming, where I can just concentrate on breathing. Similarly, I know that some people can get absorbed by crafting, music or books.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter . Really hoping this scan brings you better news.

[offbeatgirl]

Hi op,

My first pregnancy sounds pretty much identical to yours - obvious problems at the 11 week scan, a subsequent diagnosis of turner's after a CVS, and worsening symptoms over a four week period. Like you, I chose to terminate after the consultant advised that the baby had less than 5 percent survival chance. I worried that I would never be able to have a child, but I'm now lucky enough to have a lovely toddler scuttling around as I type, and I'm also pregnant again. I can't guarantee the same for you of course, but statistically a healthy baby is the most likely outcome.

Your experience means that you're very aware of everything that can go wrong in pregnancy (not just the like likelihood of turner's, which, as you note, is extremely unlikely to recur), and it's natural to worry. Have you thought about paying for a harmony test privately? It's not cheap (around £400), but it is much more accurate than the NHS screening methods, and checks for the most common chromosomal anomalies. I chose to do this, and found it quite reassuring. Less to worry about at the 20 week scan!

If the anxiety gets too much for you, try taking to the midwives about it. They may be able to advice on any particular concerns that you have, or point you to other services.

[zopeckham]

Thanks so much for your message - I normally love walking and yoga but have felt so rough with morning sickness that I haven't managed it, but now starting to have good days so this has re-motivated to start them again :) xx

[zopeckham]

Hi offbeat girl,

I'm so sorry to hear you have experienced this too. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It is really helpful to hear from someone who has experienced this too and also heartening to hear about your little ones. I've had a good while between pregnancies so a long time to have that similar thought of will I ever have a child but thanks for the encouragement.

I think I am lucky where we are and they may offer the Harmony test on the NHS so I will look into it, thanks, as I definitely think that if all goes well next week, the stretch before 20 weeks with be hard.

My midwife so far has not been very emotionally supportive but hopefully if I talk to her again she might be able to help.

Take care and hope you have a lovely calm pregnancy!

[Dildals123]

Hi OP,

I have had a second pregnancy after a loss and found it really hard as well. I lost my child in labour so for me it was important to find support that would make me feel comfortable about the birth but also general support to deal with the emotional fall out.

I really underestimated how hard that second pregnancy was going to be!

The first weeks, up to week 16 or so, I found the hardest. In the first weeks I had weekly reassurance scans, I arranged a case load midwife that I felt comfortable with (very important) and I met my consultant, who I also felt comfortable with. It's so important to feel cared for when you're in a situation like this. I had the Panorama test (similar to Harmony), had tests at the preterm surveillance clinic and found my midwife, all those things together made me feel more and more comfortable and my anxiety reduced significantly.

I guess what I am saying is that you need to find what would reassure you and try and make steps towards achieving that. So, if you didn't get a particularly warm feeling from your midwife, change her! It's your show, you can ask for the right care, it's totally OK to be assertive! If you are not sure how to go about getting the care you need I can recommend contacting the supervisor of midwives (do they still exist?), I found mine via googling and then shooting off an email to her, explaining my situation. She was incredibly helpful in getting the care I needed and in making sure the MW, consultant etc were all working together, rather than alongside. She was really instrumental, because I talk about assertiveness now, but to be honest I wasn't in a good place to be particularly assertive!

Good luck and like you say, do try and enjoy your pregnancy, I feel like I never got round to enjoying it unfortunately!

(Re your username - I live in Peckham :-) )

[zopeckham]

Hi Dildals,

Thanks for your message. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It must have taken a lot of bravery and faith to manage your next pregnancy.

That's really impressive to hear you managed to (assertively) find such good support. Was it through Kings services? I haven't had brilliant support so far - my GP mentioned having early scans but then never enabled this to happen, when I tried to find out about this through the midwifery/antenatal service at Kings, they told me I'd just have to go to the Early Pregnancy Unit walk in but that was really only for women experiencing signs of miscarriage. I've felt so rough and have such a manic full on job that I just didn't have the energy to make a lot of phone calls to try and sort it out so we just booked a private scan in the end.

When I got to my booking service, I explained about what had happened in my previous pregnancy and how anxious I felt as a result - the midwife just looked at her computer screen while I was talking and didn't really acknowledge the loss or anxiety. I mentioned anxiety and some specific fears I had around hospital about 5 times and she still hardly responded. My partner was with me and when I said I was cross he tried to convince me she was fine, but I think I'm going to see how my next appointment goes, go on my own and then maybe I'll try and speak to the supervising midwife about it as you've suggested it.

Thanks again

x

[Dildals123]

I went to St Thomas's second time round, I personally couldn't face going back to King's. (Not to say King's is a bad hospital, what happened to me could have happened at St Thomas's as well.)

I strongly suggest you get a caseload midwife, they're just so much better in providing that little bit of extra care and reassurance.