Lazy husband rant

[zjhub]

Sorry ladies but I need to rant and just have a good old moan before I go mad. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with mcda twins and have 2 boys 5 and 2! I'm currently at my wits end and feel so alone like I have no support, especially from my oh. He works as a supervisor for a logistics company so is out from 5am from anything up until 6pm, but when he is home he literally does absolutely nothing. With it been the summer holidays I asked him to take a few days off so we could do something with our boys, he agreed and then the night before he was due to have the time off he came in and said he was working, he thinks we need the money. Our 5 yo was devastated and spent several days been difficult, telling me I'm the worst mum ever and he wanted his dad. This weekend he has been at home with it been bank hol and literally done nothing with the kids, not helped round the house or anything. At 27 weeks I'm really starting to struggle now I'm getting lots of pelvic pain, out of breath and just generally exhausted, my consultant has signed me off work and told me I need to rest but its impossible when I'm doing the cooking,cleaning,gardening, and looking after a 2 year old and 5 year old, on very little sleep and I'm limited physically in what I can do. I feel like I'm constantly on at him
But it doesn't make a difference and I'm at the point now I'm constantly crying out of frustration. Sorry for the extremely long boring rant I just needed to get it off my chest.

[Trifleorbust]

How clear have you been with him about the support you need? For example, "DH, can you cook dinner and clean up, I am having a lie down."

He does sound lazy, but some people really need telling straight.

[Jojo13]

Agree with Trifle, some people (men especially) need it spelled out to them. I know, you shouldn't have to though..

Have you specifically asked him to maybe take your kids out for the afternoon?
Hope things get better x

[zjhub]

Oh yeah I've been straight with him!! I had a huge hormonal breakdown on Saturday telling him how I was starting to physically struggle now and that little things like bobbing the washing out or washing up, simple to things would be a huge help. He cuddled me told me he would help more. Low and behold I was up at 6am with our 2 yo whilst he was still asleep, I made children's breakfast, out breakfast and did washing, asked him to fold washing from dryer 4x (yeah in a min was reply) before I ended up doing it myself!!!

[Trifleorbust]

Tell him again. He is out of order if you have told him these things are a physical struggle for you. You need to start communicating your understandable upset and anger.

[Dlah]

Tell him and leave it until he does it

I know (if anything like me!) this will annoy the hell out of you, but even if just for 24 hours, just let things stack up, later on, tell him you're not cooking - it's bank holiday, he can get to it!

[thecatsarecrazy]

I can't offer any advice but I was thinking of starting a thread myself about my lazy arse "d"h he's really starting to piss me off!
We have had a busy weekend went away Friday and a wedding Saturday, yesterday we went to the N.E.C to a games thing, no interest to me whatsoever but him and the children wanted to go, we live in N.Devon so a long journey home. He's helped do a shop today but has sat on his arse watching me struggling the rest of the day despite me having a cry saying I can't cope doing all this alone. I've had to change my sons beds because they had cat hair all over them, haven't unpacked yet, front room is a tip, washing and ironing to do. He just looks at me when I get upset. He's got to be at work for 5pm if he thinks I'm cooking the tea he can quite frankly f off!

[zjhub]

thecatsarecrazy, I completely feel your pain, that's exactly what it's like with my oh. He does one thing and thinks it's adequate for the day whilst he can see me physically struggling. I have tried that Dlah, but he really will just leave it and like u say it gets to the point I end up doing it because it's driving me mad. Last week I asked him to take some bottles to the recycling bin, ( I was in the middle of cooking tea with 2yo round my ankles) he said he would, then come 9pm they were still there, (after I had bathed children and put to bed) those bottles were on the side ALL week before I cracked and moved them.

[CodyKing]

You need strike action

Don't tell him just do it -

No shirts? Tough!

No tea? Shame

Doesn't take long - you have to be more stubborn

When he gets in from work - walk out to meet a friend - say - kids need feeding and a bath and leave him too it -

[zjhub]

Codyking do you think that would really work haha. I keep saying that one day I'm going to just go and leave him with the kids and go stop at my mums,(to prove a point) but I know I'd crack and want to come home to make sure that they had both been fed properly and bathed what frustrates me most is that at the beginning of this pregnancy I had really bad morning sickness, to the point is stand up and go dizzy. He was a huge help then! He hoovered mopped, dealt with the boys, and I need him now more than ever and I think that's what he struggles to understand even though I've told him!!

[CodyKing]

Yes - let him do the donkey work - you go rest.

It won't hurt the kids to be fed beans and go to bed grubby!!

[Mermaid36]

My twins are 19 weeks actual (5 weeks corrected) and I have to be explicit about what I need DH to do.

To me it's obvious that the washing needs taking out of the machine/hanging out/bringing in/putting away etc. DH is useless at this sort of stuff.

So, I tell him (like I would with a child) exactly what he needs to do.
DH, please can you empty the bin.
DH, please can you bring the washing in and take it upstairs.
DH, please can you start cooking dinner as otherwise there won't be anything to eat.

It's annoying, but when I'm constantly feeding the girls, I can just sit and give orders.

[zjhub]

Mermaid36 what was he like when you were pregnant? I do tell him but it is literally like pulling teeth I have to ask and ask, saying that I asked him to tidy the garden tonight whilst I bathed the boys I came down and he'd done that and washed pots from tea but I'll never hear the end of it now haha

[Mermaid36]

Luckily (?) I was only pregnant for 26 weeks! He was almost better when I was pregnant - I suppose I was "visibly" unwell/unable to do stuff (puking down the loo, unable to get upstairs due to PGP).

Saying that, the housework was mostly my job anyway, and I had time/inclination to do it! Now I pretty much sit with my boobs out all day feeding the girls!