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having second thoughts about starting a family

7 replies

LGDE · 23/08/2016 19:04

Hi, this is my first time posting on anything like this so please be kind! We have been given the go ahead to start ivf at the end of this year and coming 35, I feel like its a blessing I don't want to turn down. But me and my partner have come in to financial difficulties as his start up business has gone bust. If we carry on as we are we will be ok in a few years as I earn good money. Problem is I am self employed and have no schemes in place for maternity. We don't have family close by to help with child care. Are we being totally irresponsible thinking about starting a family? My other half is happy to be a stay at home dad so I can get back to work quickly but I am starting to worry about things way ahead in the future. I would really value peoples honest opinions about this. Thanks

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LGDE · 23/08/2016 19:06

Also we cant get pregnant naturally as partner has antisperm antibodies

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Whatsername17 · 23/08/2016 19:19

Not irresponsible at all. Maternal age is an important factor to consider. At 35 (I'm 33 so in no way being judgey here) you are considered an 'older' mum. Live within your means and you will be fine.

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skatesection · 23/08/2016 19:31

There's never a perfect time and I'm not convinced there is often even a good time. If you want a family, go for the IVF now.

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LGDE · 23/08/2016 19:40

Thank you. Budgeting is something I am good at. Just lots going round my head. I always thought we would be financially stable by this point in our life. Best laid plans and all that. How much should you consider child care, school holidays etc before starting a family? Never really thought about this but what do people do when their kids are off school and you both work?!

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Whatsername17 · 23/08/2016 19:49

I'm lucky because we are both teachers. There are usually clubs though. Nursery cost us about £500 per month. It is a second mortgage. But there are schemes you can use to lower the cost. We use the vouchers scheme so buy vouchers to pay the nursery directly from our salaries so pay no tax on it. I've a feeling that scheme might have been replaced now. Once they turn 3 you get 15 hours funded. If income is lower that happens at 2. I didn't consider it at all. Just had my dd and made it work. Best decision I ever made.

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RaeSkywalker · 23/08/2016 20:00

I think that nobody would have children if they thought about it too much! Sounds like a good idea to have your DH stay at home so you can get back to work.