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Am I terrible person ?

(22 Posts)
Emilyyyy Mon 13-Jun-16 21:26:35

Basically, I feel really bad but I'm really fed up of being pregnant... I'm only 8 weeks and I miscarried in my last pregnancy so i feel like i should be more grateful, but I'm just not enjoying pregnancy at all... I'm sick of constantly feeling exhausted, in pain, sick and emotional.
I just wish my baby could be here right now, because I'm struggling so much mentally and physically at the moment, I'm just totally drained and totally fed up. My OH doesn't understand and I just feel totally isolated.
Every negative pregnancy symptom there is I seem to be getting. sad
Has anyone got any advice? Because I'm at my wits end and just find myself constantly sobbing.
I honestly don't mean to sound like a cow just being honest and don't really know we're else to turn.

Thanks in advance

MagpieCursedTea Mon 13-Jun-16 21:53:16

Be kind to yourself. You're not a terrible person. Pregnancy can be really, really hard. Try to take it easy when you can, rest when you need to and don't be so hard on yourself.
I get it though. I struggled to conceive and feel guilty every time I moan about it but I feel shit and I'm exhausted. It's okay to not enjoy every moment of pregnancy (and being a Mother for that matter). You're only human.

MagpieCursedTea Mon 13-Jun-16 21:54:31

Also if you're feeling really low, chat to your midwife about it. They'll be able to give you a bit of extra support if you need it.

HumphreyCobblers Mon 13-Jun-16 21:56:18

I too struggled to conceive and then HATED actually being pregnant. It is a massive change and can really negatively affect your mood, even at the start.

Try not to be hard on yourself. You will feel better soon. Despite hating pg so much I have three children, I can guarantee it gets better.

Emilyyyy Mon 13-Jun-16 21:58:22

Had murder with my midwife so she's the last person I want to see. She's just a total jobsworth and obstructive. I spoke to my GP today thought but she just give the whole 'it'll get better' speech whilst patronisingly tilting her head.

Thank you for reassuring me I'm not a terrible person though... just needed that little bit of reassurance.

WhatsGoingOnEh Mon 13-Jun-16 21:58:38

The first part is really awful. Draining, exhausting, nausea-inducing, weary, scary... It gets MUCH better. I remember waking up at the start of my 14th week and feeling like a whole new person. The first part honestly is the hardest bit and you're more than halfway through.

Don't feel bad or guilty! Pregnancy is TOUGH. Worth it, but tough! Sleep as much as you can - go to bed at 6pm if you feel like it; take vitamins (Folic Acid really cheered me up. I still take it); eat nourishing and tasty food; indulge yourself.

Emilyyyy Mon 13-Jun-16 22:02:09

I know it will hopefully get better it's just waiting for it to get better. Hopefully when my placenta forms then apparently that should take a bit of the emotional side of things away due to hormone drop?
Is this true?

hopeful31yrs Mon 13-Jun-16 22:08:51

Totally get this. This is an IVF pregnancy - had a massive bleed at 9 weeks and then raised nuchal translucency at 12 weeks. Had to have nifty test and awaiting anomaly scan. Feel awful every day. I'm short of breath, have shit exercise tolerance, went straight from morning sickness to reflux hell. By Sunday I can't get out of bed for being so exhausted. Have a 2.5 yr old and she's now learning that if I'm in bed I'm not well.

Prior to this i worked long hours no problems in an extremely demanding high stress job. I was also doing an hour of High intensity exercise a day and walking about 5 miles a day.

Pregnancy effects you in ways you don't expect. I've had a few moments where I've sat back and thought I'm literally just existing at the moment. But it'll be worth it and forgotten within weeks of having DC2.

JacketPoTayTo Mon 13-Jun-16 22:09:58

It's a real shitter. There's nothing you can really do except ride it out and keep reminding yourself that it will pass. Most people are starting to feel better by about 12 weeks or so I think. For me, I felt markedly better by 14 weeks and pretty good by about 17 weeks. It gets tricky again as you get towards the home stretch because you're just so big and uncomfortable but by then you can focus on the baby arriving as it's not too far away. Obviously every pregnancy is different but I think most people do get a bit of respite in the middle.

I'd just try and focus on getting through the next few weeks and take it a step at a time, rather than thinking about having x amount of weeks until your due date.

But no, you're not a terrible person. There's a lot of misconception surrounding pregnancy IME and I know that I wasn't prepared for the reality of it. You hear about women who 'glow', who feel empowered and confident etc. At worst you might hear about a bit of morning sickness. But I don't think anybody really talks about how hard it can be and how it affects every aspect of your life and your body. That's why it's so easy to feel like you're the only one who's struggling and like a total failure.

elliej83 Mon 13-Jun-16 22:19:26

I had never heard how tough pregnancy could be in the first trimester. Except morning sickness I though the headaches, tiredness, stomach pains etc would all come at the end. The good news is you will get some relief in the second trimester so good times are arriving soon for you. Take it easy until then x

Iwantagoonthetrampoline Mon 13-Jun-16 22:23:19

Go easy on yourself. You don't have to enjoy it and if your not enjoying it you are allowed to have a moan. The more pressure you put on yourself and the more you try and bottle it up the harder it will be. The same applies when the baby arrives - you are allowed to find it difficult and to have a good whinge sometimes. Doesn't mean you aren't grateful for your baby or that you love them any less. Hope you start feeling better soon :-)

Emilyyyy Mon 13-Jun-16 22:51:18

Thank you everyone so much. You words are helping me and god forbid I say it... cheering me up and making me feel a bit more positive.

It's just one thing after another, if it's not acid reflux, it's piles both running along side exhaustion and feeling sick.

I don't know if this sounds weird but it doesn't feel like my body is mine anymore (is that selfish because obviously it's now also my baby's) I'm 21 soon and I thought i knew what foods I liked and didn't like, how much sleep I could function on, how far I could walk without getting out of breath, knowing how much food I could eat before I would feel sick etc... and it's like I'm certain about nothing anymore. My food likes and dislikes varies day to day, last week I loved chilli and now I have the worst aversion to it ever (thought of it makes me gag) or I could have a few mouthfuls of something and just go pale and want to throw up or devour 2 plates of food and feel fine.
Just little things I took for granted like waking up not feeling sick or not going to be dreading what symptom my body is going to throw at me when I wake up.

I could murder a glass of wine! (Don't worry I won't though!)

DoubleCarrick Mon 13-Jun-16 22:55:01

I feel your pain!

I've had the most hideous migraines, have lost half a stone and feel constantly sick. I've cried at the thought of opening the fridge because it makes me gag every time.

I'm only ten weeks but don't feel like I can do this any more

MagpieCursedTea Mon 13-Jun-16 22:55:27

That all sounds totally normal. I've got some really bad aversions to what used to be my favourite foods!
I think one of the issues is that because not many people announce their pregnancies in the first trimester. No one really talks about how hard it is and women feel like they need to hide it and just get on with it. It can feel really isolating and lonely. That's why places like Mumsnet are so helpful. We're not alone here, we all feel like shite!

Emilyyyy Mon 13-Jun-16 22:57:46

After having a look through the pregnancy bit there is a lot of threads about people being fed up with pregnancy.... must be something in the air!

skankingpiglet Mon 13-Jun-16 23:33:35

Don't feel bad. Being pregnant is crap. I know very few women who've enjoyed it and except for a very small masochistic minority, I can't imagine anyone choosing this state for fun. It's a means to an end. No matter how difficult your struggle to get pregnant, you didn't do it for that purpose, you did it for a child. You are allowed to hate this part every bit as much as the TTC part.

Second pregnancy here and 2 wks to go. Feeling the kicks is the only upside I can think of, and even those can at times be thoroughly unpleasant. I totally get what you mean about your body not feeling your own too. The baby is essentially a parasite which strips everything it needs from you without a care for your health and well-being.

You are about 2 wks off the placenta starting to take over which makes things a bit easier on you, although you may not feel noticeably better for a few more weeks after that. It does get better though and (I've personally found) stays that way until the last few weeks.

As for the wine, don't feel you need to explain you didn't really mean you'd drink it. I personally have chosen not to drink during the 1st tri once I knew both times, but with a toddler to look after there have been odd days since I've bypassed the wine and gone straight for the gin. It's only recently the guidelines have changed, and the reason behind it is due to a lack of evidence very light drinking doesn't cause problems, rather than conclusive/indicative evidence it does IYKWIM. It would totally unethical to run that trial!

Emilyyyy Mon 13-Jun-16 23:49:35

I'm glad I'm not alone with it. Literally felt like I was a total failure and just being ungrateful.
I was only 6 and a half stone as well so any weight I'm putting on I'm noticing (only a few lbs), I can't have a bump at this stage so I'm putting it down to water retention or something. (Does anyone know anything about this?)

I'm going to be pregnant for my 21st birthday just hope by that time ill feel less shit so I can just have a nice relaxing day.

For now ill just dream about that nice glass of rosè or that ice cold lager shandy in the beer garden.

Does anyone else get really vivid dreams since being pregnant?

NovemberInDailyFailLand Tue 14-Jun-16 01:18:13

Yes, the dreams in the first trimester can be insane.

It'll be ok. You're actually right in the middle of the worst bit: 6-12 weeks is pretty horrible. You'll probably struggle. Around 12 weeks, it usually fades away. Added to this, you're no doubt anxious about your previous mc. So try to take it easy and be kind to yourself.

CharminglyGawky Tue 14-Jun-16 01:34:20

I'm just over 9 weeks and from 6 weeks I've felt like crap. It sucks. I've wanted this for years and I hate it! I'm still happy to be pregnant as already said it is a means to an end but dear god this is hideous right now!

I'm only awake now as I can't decide whether I need to throw up or not and that is despite the anti-emetics!

On the other hand we had an early scan last week and saw a little heartbeat. It all felt totally worth it then!

Emilyyyy Tue 14-Jun-16 09:36:38

CharminglyGawky, I've seen my little splodges heartbeat as well! They managed to get it at 6+3 weeks. Only confusion is exactly 7 days/week after they found my fetal heartbeat I was scanned again it had grown over a mm a day I was 0.7mm, a week later in was 1.5cm so they dated me a further 2 days ahead (7+5 weeks) is this normal for babys to get a little growth spurt on?

Emilyyyy Tue 14-Jun-16 09:38:24

Thank you everyone I feel a lot better. Woke up with a bit of soreness in my lower abdomen ( feel as though I've been 50 rounds with mike tyson) but I haven't had a wave of sickness yet so thank god for small mercies.

MagpieCursedTea Tue 14-Jun-16 09:41:17

When they're that small it can be hard to accurately date your pregnancy, so it changing by a couple of days is completely normal.

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