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My husband does help!

(10 Posts)
Mcnicol87 Wed 08-Jun-16 10:21:18

Hi,

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and my husband doesn't seem to want to help me around the house. We both work full time so we are tired in the evenings but I'm always the one who feeds the animals, cleans out their cages/litter boxes and does all the cleaning and washing in the house. I'm not sleeping great and finding it hard to do everything on my own. My husband feels that it's his free time after work and at the weekend so he mostly spends it skydiving, doing his car and playing video games whilst I have no choice but to use my time to clean. Since we found we are having a girl the arguments have got worse because he wanted a boy. My hubby wasn't excited about seeing the baby kick for the first time and that broke my heart. I'm feeling alone and stressed and need advice on how to tell my hubby nicely to step up as a husband and a dad to be. Please help me! Xx

positivity123 Wed 08-Jun-16 10:55:08

You need to sort this out now. He's not 'helping' you, he should be doing his fair share.
Sit down with a list of jobs that need to be done and give him the choice of 50% of them.
You need to stand up to him.

seven201 Wed 08-Jun-16 11:06:43

I don't think you need to tell him 'nicely'! Has he always been so crap? You need to sit him down and go through everything and explain that it needs to be equal.

VivaHate Wed 08-Jun-16 11:09:23

flowers What a horrible situation. You shouldn't even be cleaning out litter boxes because of the risk of toxoplasmosis! He seems very disengaged with your pregnancy and it's concerning that the gender of the baby has resulted in arguments "because he wanted a boy". How utterly pathetic of him.

What are the arguments about? Is he ever verbally abusive to you?

I would say to him "we both work full time, we are both tired. But I am pregnant which makes me even more tired. I need you to do your fair share of chores". If he did not make any effort to do this I would seriously be considering whether he was the right man to raise a child with. It might sound harsh but you need to at least be able to rely on his love and support and he's certainly not acting very loving or supportive at the moment.

I am 31 weeks pregnant tomorrow and have had to give my husband a couple of gentle prods now and again but nothing more than that. I used to do the majority of the housework (mainly because I enjoyed it ha) but now he is insistent on doing it- even if this means him waking up half an hour early or sacrificing some down time in front of the telly.

Do you have real life support?

SpeckledFrog2014 Wed 08-Jun-16 11:11:36

shock what am idiot. I will never forgive my husband for not cleaning the bathroom after I gave birth for the first time especially after I asked him to as I had been up all night every night feeding and had a horrendous recovery and couldn't stand up straight for weeks. It sounds really petty to hold a grudge over it but I have flat out told him he needs to do it this time and he has agreed. So I suggest you tell it as it is. Plus it's the man's sperm that decides the sex of the baby.

On the flip side he may be in denial about your pregnancy as he is scared. So I would talk now rather than row later. Some hospitals do antenatal classes just for men, maybe book him on one of those in his free time.

Mcnicol87 Wed 08-Jun-16 11:17:18

It's always been me that does the majority of the housework and it never used to bother me but now I'm further along and getting exhausted more quickly I need more of his help. I ask him to help and he just says 'yeah I'll do it in a minute' 2 days later and it's still not done. I've outright told him that I can't do it anymore which is what the argument was about this morning, I've told him that I've sacrificed everything to be his wife and mum to be (he's in the military so I live far from my family and friends) and all I've asked him to do is sell his tiny Audi TT and get a 5 door and help me more around the house. He says in using the pregnancy as an excuse. Before we found out the sex of the baby he used to touch my bump and was excited but now he is disheartened and isn't interested. I've spent all morning crying because I don't want to end this marriage but I've warned him that if he doesn't step up then I will leave.

VivaHate Wed 08-Jun-16 11:57:02

What an arse. Just what you don't need at this time. he needs to suck it up that he's having a girl and as a previous poster mentioned it's solely the man's sperm that determines the sex of the baby...!

It makes it extra tough that you are so isolated, could you maybe consider a visit to your Doctor? And you may be physically isolated from your friends and family but can you talk to them?

It seems like he is in denial about the pregnancy in a way, he's not making any sacrifices at all and hanging onto his "old" life (skydiving video games car) as opposed to starting to make those sacrifices needed to accommodate and raise a baby.

Mcnicol87 Wed 08-Jun-16 12:08:24

I speak to my mum everyday but it's not the same as being able to pop round and see her. My doctor is useless and to be honest my husband wouldn't listen to their advice, he is a very private person when it comes to people that aren't friends or family. He is still hanging onto his single life and doesn't realise that sacrifices have to be made on both sides. We have the responsibility of keeping a house cleans and looking after animals and soon a little baby. I'm really hoping that this is just another phase of his and he will snap out of it soon and man up but if he doesn't before our baby is born then I don't have any issues with calling it a day. I know I'm strong enough to go it alone if I have to.

SpeckledFrog2014 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:16:45

Good luck with however it works out flowers

Mcnicol87 Wed 08-Jun-16 13:56:42

Thanks. I think I have come up with a solution that will make us both happy so I'll guess I'll see what happens for now so

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