6 weeks and panicking

[Workinzzz]

Sorry this is long - just hoping for some reassurance I think.

I have PCOS, DP and I TTC for about 2 years before our now 4.5 year old daughter and had pretty much given up hope before we finally conceived.

DP is a lot older than me and has a DC from previous relationship. We haven't really been very proactive with contraception as I was relaxed about having another and he doesn't want a vasectomy.

I've now found out that we are expecting again. My first reaction was good but now I'm really shitting myself.

During my first pg one of my discs collapsed and I ended up having to have emergency surgery when DD was a few months old. It was all very traumatic. I was told I didn't have the week I wanted to arrange childcare, they were going to operate the next morning otherwise I may not walk again and be incontinent for the rest of my life as the disc was cutting off the spinal fluid completely.

My dd is absolutely desperate for a little brother or sister and we are in a very comfortable financial position, which has led me to be a bit day-dreamy about the possibility of another and relaxed given the fact that we are both older and my PCOS was a barrier (or so I thought).

I'm now in a state of panic about how we will cope. I am 1.5 stone heavier than I was when I got pregnant last time so the weight won't help my back, although I'm only slightly overweight. Partner is visibly upset at the thought, keeps saying he's old (nearly 50) and tired, which I completely sympathise with.

I'm finding it hard because although he is saying he is OK with it, I know he's not really looking forward to it.

I am getting on so well with dd at the moment, she's adorable, doing really well with school, although still wakes in the night regularly, and has never been a good sleeper - life has only just become easy. The thought of having another c section and sleepless nights scares the shit out of me and I don't know what to do.

I feel like the reasons I have aren't good enough to not go ahead with the pregnancy but the thought of getting fat, uncomfortable and being in pain for 6 months fills me with dread.