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Telling step kids & ex-wives the big news....

(3 Posts)
chiggins Thu 02-Jun-16 22:30:10

Have my 12 week scan a week today and although I'm pretty nervous for everything to be ok (35yr old first timer) I'm super excited! We haven't told anyone yet and keeping the secret is fun but a challenge!!
Also a little bit apprehensive about telling my step kids, my husband (53) has 3 boys from a previous marriage (20/16/13). Their Mum is a bit of a control freak and we're pleasant to each other but by no means friends... I know my husband is dreading telling her as she's likely to freak out. She's very possessive and I think she likes the fact he is the mother of her children which she has over me... She's happily remarried but I have a feeling there will be trouble ahead! Interested to hear if anyone else has any experience of this situation??

MrsJoJo Fri 03-Jun-16 11:52:18

Can't offer much advice as we're in a similar situation... I have an 8 yr old DS, DP has two DSs aged 8 & 5. We're telling the boys next week when I'll be 15 weeks as it's the first time we've had them since my scan.

My ex will be fine, his ex has been quite vindictive, accusing my DS of bullying and DP was in court last week for a contact agreement because she kept trying to impose unreasonable conditions. As soon as schools are back he is arranging for both boys to see the school counsellor to help prepare them for the impending changes in our family and to try and find out if there is any bullying going on or if that is what the ex is coaching the kids to say this (my DS has never had any behaviour issues, DSS has been on a downward spiral since Jan. We, and others, see three boys who behave like normal siblings when they are together, even CAFFCAS think the allegations are nonsense).

Good luck!

greenlizard Fri 03-Jun-16 12:17:34

We told my step kids at around 16 weeks (they were 12 &14) and we told their mum first. To be honest, everyone was completely shocked - the ex-wife because I don't think she had ever considered the possibility of it happening and the kids because the thought that we actually had sex was clearly the most shocking thing of all grin. I was very nervous before we told them and it did take them a while to get their heads round it but we took them for a 4D scan at 28 weeks so they could see what their little brother looked like in utero and when he was born they couldn't' wait to meet him!

We made sure they could ask as many questions as they liked and their Dad spent lots of time with them on their own before andpost birth so they didn't feel like they were being pushed out by the new baby. We also involved them in the name choosing, buying baby clothes, putting the cot up etc., decorating the nursery.

Now he is a lovely excitable 15 month old they love him to bits and barely batted an eyelid when we announced that number 2 is on the way smile

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