Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

baby being handed straight to dad

(32 Posts)
kiki22 Thu 26-May-16 14:37:04

Has anyone requested this? Did they try to change your mind?

I was forced to hold ds when he was born everytime I passed him back to dp they kept pushing me to have him back. This time I want them to give the baby straight over to dp and I don't want to hear a mutter of hold your baby, this way I can have him when I want him, I'm really not worried about the bond at all it never effected my bond with ds not holding him I was content with him safe with his dad.

Ellarose85 Thu 26-May-16 14:43:18

I think it's because they want the baby to have skin to skin contact straight away. I was offered the choice weather it would be DH or me though

KatieKateKat Thu 26-May-16 14:44:11

May I ask why you are so bothered about not holding him and why you're insisting DH should?
If this was me and I just wanted husband to hold the baby first as a 'nice' thing to do - and he did - but the baby got passed straight back, I have thought "well at least he did actually hold him first"
You're the mother, of course you're going to be encouraged to hold your own baby.

Sighing Thu 26-May-16 14:45:43

I've had probably 5 mins with each skin to skin - but Dad's can have skin to skin too (especially if stitches are needed) also post c-section dad might be a great skin to skin choice.

TipBoov Thu 26-May-16 14:48:31

I wrote it on my birth plan that DH was to have skin to skin first - it wasn't an issue.

RueDeWakening Thu 26-May-16 14:49:38

DH did skin to skin with all 3 of ours, I was too busy being stitched up (sections) with drips in both arms to have anything spare to hold a baby with.

GreenTomatoJam Thu 26-May-16 15:03:52

I've had two c-sections and the baby went straight to DP both times - the first time I was shaking very hard and throwing up (reaction from the epidural), yet they still tried to put DS1 next to my uncontrollably shaking arms and head for me to see.

Like you, I wanted the baby safe with DP, not next to me who was twitching like crazy and worried I'd whack or head butt the baby if they brought him too close! DP tried skin to skin, but DS1 was distinctly unamused by his chest hair apparently!

The second time I'd barely slept for over a week, so I don't honestly remember - I think they gave him to DP because I really wasn't all there for holding a baby (whilst lying down and being stitched back up). DS2 doesn't seem any the worse for it.

I find it a bit weird too. Of course I want to hold my baby, but, I'm kinda busy right now, give it to the parent who hasn't just ejected a child from her vagina/been sliced and unable to feel from the chest down!

kiki22 Thu 26-May-16 15:14:48

I'm having a section this time I should have said. Last time dp done skin to skin I was so happy watching him cuddle ds then they started on me.

I just don't want to be in the position of feeling like I'm not up to holding ds and being bullied and guilted into it, last time being forced really effected me it is one of the few memories I have of crying I didn't want to and them making me. I feel if he goes straight to dp this time we are in control. I'm really hoping this time I'm well enough to be happy holding him but if I'm not I don't want to be forced it was such an awful way to start life with ds.

leadcrow Thu 26-May-16 19:07:02

Bit random, but I do find the people present when you give birth are very odd and have heir own set ideas about how things should be done. When I had my baby I asked DH in advance if he wanted to cut the cord and he said no, he wasn't bothered. It wasn't a big deal for me either and it wasn't personally significant to either of us. If anything I find it symbolically weird...your partner is the one who severe the biological tie between you and the baby...that's not a nice thing!

Anyway, after baby popped out someone asked DH if he wanted t cut the cord and he was like 'no thanks'. She gave him a dirty look and he did it anyway! He wasn't bothered either way, but after seeing me push his child out of my vagina and being verbally abused he really wasn't interested in trying to scissor through a tough rubbery piece of human tissue!

Btw no one in the delivery room seems to have read our birth plan

I think you just have to be really clear, verbally, on what you want...it's your birthing experience, just be firm in telling others present what you want

AllChangeLife Thu 26-May-16 19:12:25

My DH got skin to skin - it was the one part of the birth plan that went right/was paid attention to... I had the shakes after the emergency c section so probably would have dropped DS, so it all worked out.

I think you just have to be really firm earlier in the process (before the pushing/before the c section) so that everyone is agreed how it is going to happen.

Whatever you want at that point is what they should listen to. It took me a while to come down to earth/stop shaking - and then I enjoyed a cuddle/the first feed.

AdoraKiora Thu 26-May-16 19:14:27

Two c-sections. Both times baby handed straight to DH, then came to me for a cuddle. I told the surgeon/midwives that was what we wanted.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Thu 26-May-16 19:23:52

DS was born by emergency c section, he was delivered by the doctor, handed to the midwife, showed to us and taken to be weighed and dressed then they bought him back to us and DP held him because quite frankly after 18 hours of labour I didn't have the energy to lift my arms. DP took ds out the room whilst they finished stitching me up then I met them in recovery where I held ds for the first time, he was about 20mins old. There was no skin to skin but we had no issues with bonding

GoodStuffAnnie Thu 26-May-16 19:27:49

I think it's lovely babies getting their first cuddle with dad. They all got plonked on me and I duly passed them onto dh. He didn't even do skin to skin, just wrapped them up and held them and rocked them in his massive arms.

LilQueenie Thu 26-May-16 19:31:51

I got told no I couldnt do it. Hospital policy which I now believe to be a ton of crap. anyway who really holds the baby first? The nurse or doctor who delivers it that's who.

Marmalade85 Thu 26-May-16 19:35:45

I had a c - section and my son went straight to his dad. I didn't get to touch him until I was in the recovery room.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 26-May-16 19:36:09

Baby 1 - emergency section so had to be dad. When I asked to see baby they put him across my neck hmmangry.

Baby 2 - I was very shaky so told them to give her to DD.

Baby 3 - all mine grin.

Goingtobeawesome Thu 26-May-16 19:40:44

Actually with DD she had skin to skin with daddy for about two hours as she was cold and I was in theatre doing an impression of a labouring cow while the doc removed the placenta <wince>.

kiki22 Thu 26-May-16 19:44:59

goingtobed the putting the baby across the neck thing is one of the things that bothers me I don't want my tiny fragile newborn draped over me while I awkwardly try to cling on that's what happened with ds my arms were all weird and tingly from the spinal it was awful I just wanted him safe with his dad while I got sorted out.

EvansAndThePrince Thu 26-May-16 19:51:31

Kiki I think that's so unfair what they did to you. Of course you're not going to want to hold your newborn if you're feeling shaky be unsure in yourself. Make sure it's discussed with the people who will be present before hand and don't back down! I'm sure you'll want skin to skin and many many many cuddles as soon as you're not scared you're going to drop your baby, they should understand that!

kiki22 Thu 26-May-16 20:00:43

They were terrible the whole experience was ive been suffering such bad anxiety since falling pregnant again surrounding the birth I want to have as much control as possible this time

Goingtobeawesome Thu 26-May-16 20:39:30

It felt horrible and I can't understand why they think it is a good thing to do. It felt strangulating. Is only asked to see him, I knew I wasn't ready to hold him yet.

Araminkin Thu 26-May-16 20:47:23

I had an EMCS under general anaesthesia, so my DH got an hour of skin to skin with DS before I woke up and got to see him (and hold him). Never thought of DH getting to do skin to skin first, but will consider it for next time!

Thataintnoetchasketch Thu 26-May-16 21:05:36

We had opted for physiological third stage as I wanted lots of skin to skin with DS immediately after birth but I delivered my placenta within minutes of him being born & DH did the skin to skin while I was being stitched up too. I don't feel it affected how I bonded with him & although it was in my birth plan I didn't give it a second thought. Do whatever makes you most comfortable as it'll be better for you & baby that way.

kiki22 Thu 26-May-16 21:07:06

After we got to recovery they gave do a gown to put on in place of his T-shirt so he could tuck DS into his chest and keep the draft of him, I took a lovely photo of them like that on my phone (not that I remember taking it) it is so special to look at dp looks so in love whereas all photos of me I look shocked and spaced out.

LaserShark Thu 26-May-16 21:13:12

I wanted ds1 immediately, it was all lovely and serene in the birth pool. Ds2 was a more difficult birth and he was screaming at an earth-shattering volume and I desperately wanted to hand him over and gather myself. As it happened, I started to puke so dh took him pretty sharpish! I really needed to recover a little bit, I felt like I'd been through much more of an ordeal and I didn't want to immediately look after a bawling infant! There was no difference in my bond with either of them and ds2 was much easier to breastfeed so it didn't have any adverse effect.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now