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Advice on telling my manager

(23 Posts)
25degrees Thu 05-May-16 13:46:47

Hi everyone, just a quick question - I'm only 4 weeks with my first DC, first ever pregnancy too and I always thought I'd wait until at least 12 weeks to tell anyone, including my employer. But, having only found out I'm pregnant this weekend, i realised I'm going to be unable to go to a team building event on the first weekend of June (paint balling). It would probably have been fine to cry off ill on the day if it weren't for the fact I've been moaning about it, albeit largely tongue in cheek, for months already (I'm the only woman in a team of men and my suggestion for team building was a nice day at the nail spa...they were horrified at the thought!)

Should I tell my manager the truth before the event? If I just cry off sick the day before I feel like it would be unfair on my boss and the team as it doesn't give them time to get a replacement and my manager has paid for it himself, out of his own pocket.

I do feel like it would be prudent for him to know earlier in case I start getting morning sickness, start to feel unwell with the pregnancy, or, God forbid, something happens, but it feels really soon - I haven't even told my mum! It also seems to me to be a silly reason to say something this early. I'd have to tell him next week as he's on annual leave for two weeks after.

What do you guys think?

Redken24 Thu 05-May-16 14:09:34

Depends on your relationship with manager, i told mine quite early on because i felt horrendous!!
its a bit early tho xxxx

Mummyme87 Thu 05-May-16 14:25:17

I told my manager at about 8-10weeks pregnant. I would tell your manager next week

mmmminx Thu 05-May-16 18:26:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mmmminx Thu 05-May-16 18:27:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lules Thu 05-May-16 18:28:27

I presume because you can get hit very hard, and that's not great if it hits you in the abdomen

Lules Thu 05-May-16 18:28:42

Cross post

bumbleclat Thu 05-May-16 18:29:24

I told mine at 5 weeks and it was a massive relief, she now keeps checking in with me to see how I am and I hate feeling like Im keeping something from her.
I too haven't told ANYONE else smile

noworktodaywahey Thu 05-May-16 18:37:04

Tell your manager but make it clear this is in confidence to help with planning of the away day. Btw are you sure you can't do the away day? We've had team building sessions and those that run it are well able to adapt for pregnant women / flag up what they'd advise you not do. No need to exclude yourself.

Vap0 Thu 05-May-16 21:51:47

Hi 25
Congratulations!
I was in a difficult position like you where I was supposed to be going to a potential zika country with work as a treat when I would have been 12w. I told the MD when I was 8 weeks, I waited until I had seen things were going ok after seeing a heartbeat on a scan (due to 2 previous mc). I was really concerned about this super expensive trip going to waste. He took it really well and was full of congratulations and I didn't feel bad about not going. I'd tell your boss when you feel comfortable. I know the turmoil you'll be going through thinking about it. Try not to stress about it. I'm sure they will understand and get over it whether you tell them before or not.
P.S. I was really pleased to have been forced to tell work when I did as it made it easier somehow. I told my boss 2 weeks before I told my family.

BorisIsBack Fri 06-May-16 07:24:02

I told my boss at 5 weeks before family etc. I'd tell them but stress its confidential - no one else knows and they mustn't repeat your news.

Osirus Fri 06-May-16 11:08:30

I wouldn't want to risk getting hit in that area during paintballing. You can bruise really badly! I would tell him and make it clear he is not to tell anyone else. I told mine when I was 9/10 weeks and he kept quiet.

Rpj16 Fri 06-May-16 19:32:06

Can you tell them you are going to a wedding/ event sometime after and cannot have bruises?? But you will meet them afterwards for drinks (but you will be driving?)

bumblebee86 Fri 06-May-16 22:28:26

I've been feeling really sick all day and night, so although I'm only 6 weeks I decided to tell my Manager. At least then they know if I'm not feeling great and I'm sure if you ask them to keep it to themselves they will.

Imaginosity Sat 07-May-16 00:09:32

If I'd been feeling well I would have gone paint-balling at the stage while pregnant. I've never actually done it before - surely you wouldn't get hurt that hard that it could go any damage at they stage - Maybe I'm wrong though??

wigelspigels Sat 07-May-16 20:48:36

I told mine at 4.5 weeks and he kept it private until my 12 week scan.

Ellarose85 Sat 07-May-16 21:32:55

I told my manager wheb I first found out at 3 weeks due to my place of work and i needed a risk assessment asap

MintyBojingles Sat 07-May-16 23:18:42

Can't believe there are people who would go paintball img whilst pregnant. A quick Google search of a few random paint balling places shows most won't allow you to paintball whilst pregnant. Those hits can be very powerful & painful!

Anyway, id wait a couple weeks before telling your boss. Hopefully he can get a refund as it's an unexpected situation (for him at least). That said I felt I had to tell my boss at 8 weeks because of severe morning sickness. But 4 weeks seems early to me to tell!

OrchidLilly14 Sat 07-May-16 23:23:55

I told my boss at five weeks ... I had no choice as I was suffering from sever morning sickness and was signed off for bed rest! I stressed the importance of keeping my pregnancy confidential though, as it was very early days!

Only you know your boss and how they would react to such news but regardless of their opinion you can't take part in the company event for health reasons and telling your boss now means putting your baby and yourself first, which is the right thing to do smile

Good luck!!

Pinklily1 Sun 08-May-16 11:25:17

I'd tell your manager and ask that it's kept confidential from the rest of the team. Between you I'm sure you can make up some message for the others as to why you aren't going.

I had to tell my manager at 7 weeks due to hideous morning sickness and having to be off work. I was worried as it felt really early, but at the same time, I realised that if anything did go wrong i'd probably need time off then anyway. It was such a relief to not have to lie, and he kept it confidential from the rest of the team until I told them at 12 weeks.

I personally wouldn't go paint balling whilst pregnant. I've never done it before but have heard it hurts a fair bit if you get hit! Plus I'm a wimp smile

ChickadeeChick Tue 10-May-16 07:43:18

I'm 4 weeks today, just found out on Sunday, and I will tell my manager when I see him tomorrow. I told him when I found out last time when I was pregnant with DD at around the same time. I found it helpful in case something happened or anything I could just ring him and not have to explain too much IYSWIM. He kept it confidential last time and will this time.
In your situation I would tell your manager in case you can't do the paint balling for insurance purposes.

PotteringAlong Tue 10-May-16 07:45:23

I would tell them too. In both of my pregnancies my boss has known before my parents /pil

twoshoes86 Tue 10-May-16 08:21:45

I told my line manager and head teacher at my school at about 7-8 weeks because I had terrible sickness. I also told a few colleagues and I found it really helpful as I really needed their support. I'm currently 10 weeks and still haven't told our parents yet. If things don't go to plan or there are problems I think I'd value support at work so did not see any problem in telling the relevant people above.

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