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Announcing pregnancy

(5 Posts)
nat1985 Sat 09-Apr-16 08:38:24

So I have a bit of a difficult relationship with my parents and not really speaking.

Thought to break the ice it would be nice to send a "congratulations you are going to be grandparents card with a nice message" with the hope of moving forward.

More or less thrown back in face I think you should have called and told me-instead of being happy it became talking about old ground.

Annoyed is understatement given that my parents are hard to deal with in any event. Supposed to be a happy time and always seems to be someone trying to bring happy news down.

Just wanted to know good/bad experiences of announcing a baby and dealing with difficult parents

babynumber3eek Sat 09-Apr-16 13:45:18

Me Me Me! My parents are horrendously tricky, massive form for being bloody unpredictable and just horrid in places. When I had my first child I was 18 and so could 'in theory' excuse their horrific reaction - although about 10 years after they did apologise.

What I hadn't expected was their reaction to me announcing DC 3, now 18 months old - me now aged 36. They absolutely flipped, went back to how ashamed they were of me, how I was ruining their lives and basically refused to see my partner (now husband) for quite some time. I was obviously devastated but realised that they were the problem and not me, they love DC3 and I'm now expecting DC4 and my mum is excited BUT I suspect my relationship with my Dad will never be the same because it showed me I'm black and white how selfish he actually is! He chose to throw in things like how upsetting my divorce was to them (obviously not to me...) despite my then husband having had an affair and him having left me (hardly my direct doing! ) and so on. Apparently he wished they'd emigrated because I bring him nothing but stress (despite actually asking for /receiving no help! ). Grrr.

I'm afraid that in some circumstances you just have to walk away, accept you can't change that fact that some people aren't 'normal' despite loving them and take what they say with a pinch of salt/ bucket of the stuff!

Congratulations and please don't let it spoil your pregnancy! Xx

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 09-Apr-16 13:59:30

When I was pregnant at the age of 30, having found out after leaving myabusive husband my mother said she would babysit while I had an abortion, then told me I better get sterilised, then told me nobody else would want me with 4 dc so I better go back to my husband.

We are now nc for that and other reasons and life is so much better.

One of my siblings is still in touch with her and she drags them down on a daily basis, as she tried to with me, and it's heartbreaking to see.

You can't make people be nice but you can certainly cut them out, blood relative or not.

Everythinggettingbigger Sat 09-Apr-16 15:41:00

The first thing my best friend said to Mr when my DS told her he was going to be a big brother was....."well the baby will not be invited to my wedding"

People act very strangely!

Don't let it ruin this experience for you! I was 20 when u found out I was expecting DS1 and so some of the reactions were quite horrid.....amazing how now at 25 announcing we were expecting again how differently everyone took it (except my best friend)

nat1985 Sat 09-Apr-16 15:47:29

Thanks.

It's hard my mother has narcissistic traits and it's all very me me me me. My partner is a kiwi and when I told her we are likely to move to New Zealand her reaction was "well I suspect we won't be able to support or even meet the child". My dad hasn't even contacted me to say congratulations.

I had therapy to try and understand my relationship with my parents-it's just sad that bringing a new life into the world and the past can't be left in the past and move on positively. It's also hard to think about having to cut my parents out of my life but I think having a baby puts things into perspective and I feel so exhausted right now I can't be stressed with negativity I think you are right some parents just bring you down.

It's nice to know I am not the only one with crazy parents- lets just hope we don't turn into them smile

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