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It's all a bit different second time around isn't it?

(38 Posts)
KitKat1985 Mon 28-Mar-16 13:51:54

Found out recently we're expecting DC#2 (we already have a DD aged 18 months). So far it's all a bit different. We're excited, but it's an excitement filled with memories of labour pains, sleep deprivation, colic and bleeding nipples; rather than daydreams of newborn snuggles and cute outfits. Pregnancy is already harder going with a toddler to run around after all day (when I'm not working) so no lovely midday naps or lay-ins, and she still feels like waking most nights (seemingly just for the hell of it) just to add to the exhaustion. Am already panicking about how I will actually cope with a newborn and a toddler. Even family seem less excited this time around. We've only told close family so far, and FIL reverted the conversation back to electrical switches within a minute of us telling them they were going to be grandparents again yesterday. It's just not quite the same as first time around is it? confused grin

Sanch1 Mon 28-Mar-16 13:57:09

Nope! I agree with everything you say. This time I'm just willing time to hurry up until baby is here, pregnancy with a toddler is exhausting!

dats Mon 28-Mar-16 14:02:44

I keep thinking hurry up, because I'm so uncomfortable at times (and only second tri!) and then I remember the sleep deprivation and bleeding nipples and only having one child to run after! Someone come along and tell us it's loads easier second time...!?

MsFiremanSam Mon 28-Mar-16 14:44:12

I found it easier second time! All I can remember from the first time is shock, feeling like I'd been run down by a steam roller, being knackered and a lot of feeding. Second time, I loved the newborn stage because I was aware of how fast it goes. Lots of lovely snuggles!

InFrance2014 Mon 28-Mar-16 15:09:06

Second time here too, currently 37 weeks, much harder pregnancy (although healthy), and now am really getting into the final "just get on with it" zone, while also feeling totally not ready!
We also have a non-sleeping-through DC1 (just 2 yrs old now), but luckily my DH is SAHD so he will be dealing with her while I do newborn stuff. Having said that, am worried how I'll cope with doing all the night-care by myself, last time I couldn't BF lying down which made nights were really tough, DH used to help by bringing me a cup of tea etc.
Feeling plagued in general by wanting to "get right" the things I felt I failed at last time in those first few weeks, but worried that somehow other things will get screwed up and I won't get a chance.

Am definitely trying to take the positive view like MsFiremanSam and make the most of every newborn second, even if its exhausting, as it did go so terribly fast last time. This includes getting into babywearing with wraps, so I can keep new baby close to me as much as possible comfortably, instead of feeling trapped on sofa for hours during cluster-feeding last time.
This time too at least am much more educated about breastfeeding, managing milk supply etc, so I won't let hospital pressure me, and am just generally not worried I might 'break' the baby so am hoping it will be a bit more relaxed.
Also on the bright side, my parents are just as excited this time, and DC1 is also very keen on the bump, so that is something positive that wasn't there first time round- I can share the experience with her.

HeartShapedBox Mon 28-Mar-16 15:31:45

I'm pregnant with no.4, and there's a definite lack of interest grin

I'm under no illusions, and I kind of miss the naivety of the first pregnancy.

On the plus side, I know exactly what I'm in for, what to pack in the hospital bag and what are actually baby essentials, and what's a money-making marketing ploy.

dats Mon 28-Mar-16 15:59:37

On the feeding side, I couldn't lie down either. She never had a brilliant latch (mild tongue-tie) and I just couldn't get into a position where it didn't feel like she would rip my boob off and/or I didn't get pins and needles in some appendage.

I am also going to get a stretchy wrap for this one and I'd love to be able to feed in it. Had a sling thing and an Ergo carrier for DC1 and did try really hard to master feeding in them but could never manage it.

I only stopped bf a couple of months ago. Anyone know if second time around there's less toughening up (physically!) to go through or will it really depend on the baby?

KitKat1985 Mon 28-Mar-16 16:33:18

I'm crossing my fingers MrsFiremanSam that my experience follows yours. I loved DD, and I always wanted 2, but I definitely verged on PND a lot in the first few months, so am anxious about coping second time around. I think my expectations are more 'realistic' this time around though.

Dats I'd also be interested to know if there's less 'toughening up' with breastfeeding second time around. I felt like someone had used a cheese-grater on my nipples for most of the first 2-3 weeks with DD.

Twoseventhsaweasley Mon 28-Mar-16 16:36:39

I don't disagree with you that pregnancy when you already have a child is harder.

However, having DC2 was genuinely the best thing we ever did. I found that once baby number 2 arrived I was far less anxious with him. Everything was easier because I had done it before. I had been quite lonely at times when DC 1 was tiny but I was never lonely second time round because I had my little buddy along for the ride chatting, laughing and helping out.

Breastfeeding was much easier with DC 2, you just need to remember to set DC1 up with a drink/snack/ toy/ puzzle etc so that they are happy for a few minutes.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and baby's birth. Introducing DC1 to their sibling is amazing.

KitKat1985 Mon 28-Mar-16 16:37:07

HeartShapedBox - pregnant with number 4! Wow! You must be exhausted this pregnancy.

HeartShapedBox Mon 28-Mar-16 17:14:31

Yep, KitKat, I'm 31 +5 and I'm ready for it to be over and done with already blush

Mainly due to horrific spd and three small people ( 5, 3, and 2) but tbf, I knew what I was getting into grin

dats Mon 28-Mar-16 17:28:02

Ugh, I'm really struggling with SPD with 1 DC, you're my hero!

LittleLionMansMummy Mon 28-Mar-16 20:48:43

Very early days for me with no.2 but I don't remember having such a low mood the first time around - I was practically carried along on a wave of euphoria for the whole 9 months. I didn't have the slightest care about weight gain with the first but already feel misshapen through bloating this time. My worries are different too - fear of abnormalities, fear of twins (and the accompanying finances) and fear of the impact on ds1. Early pregnancy feels very different this time around, I'm hoping the euphoria will hit me when I actually see baby with heartbeat on the scan - at the moment it doesn't feel quite real.

I am in the early stages of #2 but I think DD being so little helps. Currently bfing as I type so hoping my boobs will cope better this time as they'll not have had much break! My DH is a sahd too so I just can't wait for a few months as a proper family unit! though if someone could convince the 11 month old to sleep through reliably that may help!!

almmummy Mon 28-Mar-16 21:07:32

Agree I seemed to be a lot more serene the first time around - been very grumpy at times with this pregnancy, and soooo exhausted. Also there's the guilt that you aren't resting enough and eating the right things etc as life with a toddler is so nuts. 38 +1 now so will find out what the toddler/newborn juggling act is like soon enough.

Encouraged to hear the first few weeks are less scary though

Sgoinneal Mon 28-Mar-16 21:21:50

Oh thank goodness I'm not alone.

Finding the pregnancy really hard going this time due to lack of rest and sleep - felt so robust in the pregnancy that resulted in my DS that I actually feel guilty I'm not enjoying this one more.

Also a bit terrified about the toddler and newborn stage. I will dig out a thread I started asking about this that was so lovely and positive (unfortunately I miscarried that pregnancy) but it really did make me feel better.

kiki22 Mon 28-Mar-16 21:52:07

I agree little interest the second time round everyone's pleased but it's not the same. I actually feel better during this pregnancy than with DS I had sickness and tiredness all the time with him this time it all went after the first trimester however DS is 4 and sleeps all night lots more self sufficient than a toddler I don't know how people do it with smaller kids.

AnnaT45 Mon 28-Mar-16 21:58:23

Oh I'm so loving this thread! Just last night I was feeling the exact same. So overwhelmed by the prospect of having an 18/19 month old and a newborn. The cluster feeding, the expressing if you want to get your hair done, the inability to shower- how the heck do you do it with two?!

My DD doesn't sleep well and I'm terrified the next will be the same. I genuinely don't know how we will cope but at the same time I'm so excited especially to give DD a sibling. I'm only 22 weeks so I've still got time but if anyone has any tips please share! I've heard getting a sling is a godsend!

I'm so glad I found this I find it reassuring others feel the same.

Givemecoffeeplease Mon 28-Mar-16 22:03:40

It's way easier second time around, assuming no complications. I've really enjoyed it, although I made a massive commitment to enjoy it, and to sack off housework, and to nap if I could, and to try and live in the moment. Re the nipples, mine still hurt and I struggled to BF just as before - but because I knew it was finite, and knew I'd get there, it was so much easier.

Fill your freezer with good food - best advice.

And enjoy the newborn cuddles cos it flies by. DC2 is nearly 6months now. I'm broody again confused but I'm done.

Last bit of hope - a baby and a toddler is much easier (most of the time) than preg and a toddler. smile

Coldtoeswarmheart Mon 28-Mar-16 22:10:48

2nd time around I was way less anxious than 1st time, but I also knew what was coming IYSWIM and was ready!

BFing was massively easier 2nd time but DC2's sleep was waaaaay worse than DC1's, so very swings and roundabouts here.

AnnaT45 Mon 28-Mar-16 22:12:49

Great advise! Give me I didn't do enough food last time so going to be batch cooking as soon as I go on Mat leave!!!
Thank you both for the reassurance. Feels better knowing you've survived it

dats Mon 28-Mar-16 22:15:28

Hooray to the newborn/toddler being easier than preg/toddler but a big, fat BOO to having to crack bfing for a second time shockconfusedtbusad

CutYourHairAndGetAJob Mon 28-Mar-16 22:23:21

Dc2 is four months now. Some things are a lot easier :

The birth
Breastfeeding - I knew what I was doing and haven't had sore nipples at all this time
Generally feeling more confident and less anxious and ignoring the health visitor
Having a little helper to pick things up off the floor when you are heavily pg or carrying a baby in a sling
Knowing that every stage will pass
Seeing your DC interact is the best thing ever - the baby saves his biggest smiles for his big sister

CatchIt Mon 28-Mar-16 22:26:11

Well this thread is a relief! I'm 29 weeks with a boy and am finding it waaaay more uncomfortable! My whole groin area is much more uncomfortable and I am finding things just a bit harder! Dd is 3 1/2 so she's really excited which is the only thing that's keeping me going!

I had to stop riding so much sooner as I just couldn't continue and I'm peeing all the time! I haven't slept the night through since I was 12 weeks so I'm knackered, and he kicks like a mule!

I can't wait for him to be out and in my arms. I have huge respect for anyone who does it more than twice! confusedwink

magratsflyawayhair Mon 28-Mar-16 22:30:38

I found pregnancy harder but quicker second time around. Second baby was WAAAAAY easier.

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