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'oh I hope it's a girl' type comments

(57 Posts)
JhurstB Fri 18-Mar-16 06:57:17

Me & DP are expecting baby no 2, I'm currently 38 weeks and only we know the sex. We decided when we found out I was expecting again to keep it to ourselves.

We didn't end up telling people until I was around 25/26 weeks as we didn't find out ourselves till I was over 5 months.

Anyway, here's the issue, we currently have a DS who's amazing & I wouldn't swap him for the world. We're constantly recovering comments about this baby from family member, friends and strangers such as, 'are you hoping for a girl this time', 'I want you to have a girl, there's so much more stuff to buy, 'are you hoping for a girl because you already have a boy?', 'I bet you'd like one of each', 'make sure it's a girl this time around, okay?' Etc etc.

I just kind of smile, shrug and say we won't know until the day, but so long as we have a healthy baby that's all that matters. It doesn't help that people keep stating that I'm definitely having a girl this time around because they're 'convinced'.

I feel like just because my baby's a boy, he's somehow inferior for not being a girl and I'm starting to think it might disappoint some people. My SIL has not long had a girl and my other SIL is pregnant with a girl, so I don't want my baby to be overlooked.

Longer post than I expected, Sorry. I understand that people aren't being deliberately nasty, but comments like this still annoy me. I just wanted a moan, haha!grin

Getit Fri 18-Mar-16 07:00:25

Its just something for people to say
Don't take it to heart

StealthPolarBear Fri 18-Mar-16 07:02:02

There is an mner who says "I hope it's a giraffe". I suspect that shuts people up.
congratulations smile

GastonsPomPomWrath Fri 18-Mar-16 07:02:10

Best prepare yourself now for the "Oh well you can try again for a girl" comments.

I've got a ds, followed by 4 dd's and every time people say the same things.

Take it with a pinch of salt.

AStreetcarNamedBob Fri 18-Mar-16 07:02:47

Yep it's horrible ive had it myself too. It's not just "something people say" it's something arseholes say

I've got 3 boys. I get a lot of sympathy. How offensive is that sad

Dellarobia Fri 18-Mar-16 07:04:50

Obviously it's your choice whether or not to tell people the sex, but if this is upsetting you I wonder if you should change your mind about that? If people knew it was a boy they wouldn't make this kind of comment (I hope!).

lem73 Fri 18-Mar-16 07:06:36

I know. I got it too with ds2. But he was the loveliest little baby and has grown up to be a great kid so sod the lot of them!

pinkflowerbluesky Fri 18-Mar-16 07:10:15

Don't worry op! Three years ago I was adopted by a cat who was heavily pregnant and subsequently had four kittens (mystery of life as she's tiny and the kittens huge comparatively) and one of my friends, on finding out two were boy kittens and two girls said 'ooh, aren't you clever!' to the cat grin

Honestly, don't worry about it. The interest in newborns wanes before they are a fortnight old and then you're left with your new family.

BikeRunSki Fri 18-Mar-16 07:11:02

I am the MNer who says, well said "I'd like a giraffe, but DH would like a Dinosaur". This clearly indicated either that I was completely stupid or unwilling to discuss. People tended to look at me like hmm and move on!

Scoopmuckdizzy Fri 18-Mar-16 07:11:32

I'm expecting DC3 - my 3rd DS and DH's 5th! The comments have stepped up since my last pregnancy. One of the women at the DC's nursery has actually said if it's a boy you'll have to try again for a girl. It's amazing what people think they can say to a pregnant woman! Yesterday I had 3 colleagues rub my tummy and tell me I'm huge/ must be twins / poor me.

SpanielFace Fri 18-Mar-16 07:13:04

This annoys me too. We have a DS, then lost our 2nd baby, another little boy, at 21 weeks pregnant. When I got pregnant for the 3rd time, people would say "are you hoping for a girl this time?". It made me feel like they thought that the baby that we lost was somehow less wanted, less important, because he was "just" another boy. angry As it was, my 3rd pregnancy was also a boy, he's 8 weeks old and sleeping on my chest right now! smile It honestly doesn't matter, so long as they are healthy and happy, and people should remember that. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Champagneformyrealfriends Fri 18-Mar-16 07:14:12

My mil says "I hope it's a girl!" All the time to the point where I hope it's a boy just to piss her off shock

Being induced next week so we'll find out then grin

Goingtobeawesome Fri 18-Mar-16 07:14:57

I have three children and both sexes. I had incredulous comments that why was I having another baby as already had one of each hmm. I wanted another baby and would have had it regardless of what I already had. Lucky for them I wasn't able to have mother hmmsad.

If it's just something people say the they need to stop being hard of thinking and boring and think of something less pointless. Mostly you get what you are given..

caravanista Fri 18-Mar-16 07:16:08

When I was expecting DC3 I was appalled at the number of people who greeted the announcement with the comment 'Are you pleased?' Marginally less rude than actually asking if it was a mistake I suppose!

elevenweekstogo Fri 18-Mar-16 07:16:23

Ive not long to go until dc2 joins my DH and DS - I got "will you stop after this one? ....... Even if it's a boy....." hmm

That was from my best friend (who knows about the history of infertility, losses, PND, subsequent anxiety and general feelings towards parenthood). Yes I desperately want a second child - child - I honestly couldn't care less what it is as long as I can hold it safely in my arms.

I wonder how this has changed historically? I know in past times boys were sought after to continue professions or the family name . Now it seems like some folk are trying to collect a set (like top trumps or a kinder egg)

Goingtobeawesome Fri 18-Mar-16 07:16:32

Have another. Though I don't have a mother so

foreverclockwatching Fri 18-Mar-16 07:17:45

I love your approach bikerunski**. The other thing that annoys me is the predictions all the time which are "never wrong". MIL is pissed off because we aren't finding out gender and keeps going on about how she has "always" wanted a GS called Gregory. I've come to the conclusion that people go mental when you announce a pregnancy but hopefully stfu when it's here?

JhurstB Fri 18-Mar-16 07:19:30

I love the 'I'd like a giraffe response', I might have to try that one!

I understand that often people don't think before they say things, and yes one of each would be lovely, but things don't work out that way and as a PP has stated we get what we are given. That shouldn't mean a baby/pregnancy is perceived as any less important due to their sex.

I understand that it probably annoys me even more because I knew we are having a boy, but even if we didn't, I'd still feel a bit angry at some of the comments, particularly the 'sympathy' type ones if they mention it could be another boy.

Labradorlover01 Fri 18-Mar-16 07:20:36

Moan away it is very annoying but like you say harmless...I'm waiting for my first to turn up (any day now!) a boy and I got this even though he's my first..'oh are you sad its not a girl'??...my mother 'oh I was hoping for a girl'...'oh you're niece was hoping for a girl' my great aunt same thing! very weird..had it been a girl though I guess some people would have said oh I was hoping for a boy...

I honestly can hold my hand on my heart and say I've always been positive to anyone who is having a baby and will just be happy for them and excited whichever sex so it really took me by surprise!

Chin up...ignore the silly people smile flowers

pinkflowerbluesky Fri 18-Mar-16 07:21:29

Spanielflowers

Mostly I think it's just people talking rubbish but in your case that is spectacularly insensitive.

SoupDragon Fri 18-Mar-16 07:23:49

It has nothing to do fact that your existing child is a boy and everything to do with simply having the other sex. There would be similar comments if you had a girl already.

FellOutOfBedTwice Fri 18-Mar-16 07:25:20

It happens the other way around too. I have a DD and am pregnant with DC2. People say really odd things like "I bet your DH really wants a boy!" And "it would be lovely for DH to have a son". It's just offensive. I've only got sisters and only got aunts and we are no worse off for being a family largely made up of females. I expect DH would cope in an all female household too (just as my Dad and Grandads did!)

bessie84 Fri 18-Mar-16 07:41:04

omg, i could have written this myself! me, and my hubbys 2 sisters are all pregnant, Mother in law is obsessed she MUST have BOY. (already has 2 grand daughters) we;re having a girl (we havent told anyone like you) i feel like you, like our baby wont be as loved and they'll be disappointed. its discusting what people can come out with, our baby is an ivf baby after years of trying. so to us it doesnt matter. but still somehow manages to make me feel like crap and gets me REALLY down. one of his sisters IS having a boy AND DONT WE FUCKING KNOW ABOUT IT. the world just revolves round her. its like shes the only one having a baby now (dunno what the other sister is having yet) awful comments.

sending hugs, know how u feel x

JhurstB Fri 18-Mar-16 07:43:48

It's interesting that if people have one of each, at some point if they become pregnant with DC3 others seem baffled as to why when they have a boy and a girl!

MrsRolly Fri 18-Mar-16 07:50:42

People are bizarre, we are having a boy, already have a DD and all people have said is how it will be so great to have one of each, I had honestly never even considered the need to have one of each and still find it an odd thing to say. I always say to be honest we don't mind at all just want to make sure we have a healthy baby. Then I have had several people say oh so aren't you excited about having a boy then, you know lots of people would love one of each! Absolute madness ha ha I think people just forget to engage their brains sometimes. (I know I possibly have done it myself in the past) maybe pregnancy in others sends our brains weird and we loose our inability to filter for what's acceptable and what isn't.

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