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Hand hold request - pregnant after a miscarriage

(16 Posts)
SeriousStuff Tue 23-Feb-16 11:17:46

I got a positive on my test this morning - not quite a big fat one but the line is definitely there. I already knew as my nausea kicked in yesterday but AF not due til Friday...

Anyway, I'm petrified. I already have one child but had a miscarriage over Christmas. DH and I kept on TTCing once I was physically ready but I'm so scared that the same thing will happen again. I am over the moon but incredibly frightened. I can't be more than 3-4 weeks pg at the mo, but I guess, when I register for my booking in appointment, maybe I should ask for an earlier scan?

Anyone out there been/going through similar?x

Nousername2015 Tue 23-Feb-16 11:24:06

I can empathise, I've been there as have many others. I left booking in as long as I could but did get an early scan at 9+5 which did provide immense relief (my previous pregnancy had stopped developing at the 9 week mark). It is a scary time but you will get there and there is support. The pregnancy after miscarriage thread on here is full of people who know this feeling only too well.
My 6 week old son is napping on me as I type. For so long in the pregnancy I was convinced he wouldn't get here and the experience has taught me to think more positively about things.
Best of luck to you, and congratulations! smile

SeriousStuff Tue 23-Feb-16 13:08:29

I'll have a look for that thread now, thanks x

Quodlibet Tue 23-Feb-16 15:00:05

Oh bless you. I was in your position exactly 3 years ago, following a MMC at Xmas. My daughter is now 2 and a bit, and I am 19wks with number 2.

I remember very vividly the shock and fear. For me, anyway, it did abate after a little while. We paid for an early scan at about 8 weeks which did reassure me that there was something in there ticking away.

Miscarriages can hang over you for a long time, so do give yourself time and space to feel the feelings you have rather than trying to dismiss them, get over them and shove them in a box, is my advice. Otherwise they just store up and bite you later.

chandelierswinging Tue 23-Feb-16 15:05:35

Congratulations OP! It's a worrying time, for sure. Come join us! We have a nice comfy first trimester fretting bench for you to cosy up on. I know everyone will be happy to budge up to make room for you. flowers

iloveberries Tue 23-Feb-16 15:06:14

Hey there - I feel for you and am in a similar position.
Ectopic in March 2012, MMC in June 2015 and MC in Jan 2016.
I fell pregnant without a period (much to the annoyance of the EPU) and am now 6+3.
I'm terrified. I daren't feel excited or happy and am just finding it very hard to relax.
Because of my Ectopic i had a scan at 5+5 which showed the heartbeat which was amazing but am still scared.
I'll hold your hand smile

Earlyday Tue 23-Feb-16 15:31:53

Hi

flowers

Congratulations on getting a positive test.

I'm pregnant after 4 miscarriages so I know how you are feeling. I'm afraid to get my hopes up.

You should read this
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Thinking-about-another-pregnancy-Feb-2011.pdf

You have an 80% chance of this pregnancy working out having had one miscarriage previously which are good odds. Everyone has about a 10% to 20% risk of a miscarriage so you have almost just a good a chance as anyone else. I think I have a 50% chance of this pregnancy working out because I've had 4 miscarriages.

You can get an early scan - I'm getting one next week. This paragraph below from the miscarriage association website reassures me

"Research amongst women with a history of recurrent miscarriage has shown that those who saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks of pregnancy had a 78% chance of the pregnancy continuing. It also showed that seeing a heartbeat at 8 weeks increased the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks that went up to 99.4%"

In one of my pregnancies I saw a heartbeat at 10 weeks and then had a missed miscarriage so I was just one of the the unlucky 0.6% of people that miscarry at that point.

So I hope I've reassured you a bit and not worried you - I know it's hard. Even if I see a heartbeat at next weeks scan I think I'll hold off on being happy until I'm about 20 weeks at least.

SeriousStuff Tue 23-Feb-16 15:40:39

Thank you all so much - it is reassuring and good to know there are others out there who understand. DH is great but obviously doesn't fully understand what I've been/going through.

I think the hardest thing is knowing that there probably was nothing I could've done to save my last baby and it was just "one of those things", so I feel powerless to give myself a decent shot at it this time.

Will look at the above link and will join the group - thanks x

CountessOfStrathearn Tue 23-Feb-16 16:19:01

I totally understand where you are!

Going to say 'Congratulations' because today, you are pregnant.

There is nothing you can do to cause or prevent a miscarriage, although I can definitely appreciate why in some strange way it might make it harder nothing that you can't change things.

If you find stats reassuring (some people don't so ignore if you are one of those people, I found this website very helpful in previous pregnancies to see how to the risk of miscarriage drops every day:

spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=08&d=10&y=12

iloveberries Tue 23-Feb-16 16:20:52

earlyday - i have read that 78% stat too... It's kept me positive but I'm a bit like you in that i've had stats against me in the past with EP and MMC after heartbeat so I REALLY am struggling to stay positive this tim. But i sooooo want this baby. I know you will feel the same. I'm rooting for you.

Do you mind me asking if you have children already?

A close friend of mine had 4MC and and ectopic and then fell pregnant and had healthy DS. Then "somehow" (as she says) found out when her DS was 9 mths that she was expecting again and later delivered a healthy DD. Her kids are teens now and she still remembers the pain but it's just part of her "story".

I hope your MCs will be part of a story with a happy ending for you

iloveberries Tue 23-Feb-16 16:22:57

I've seen that spacefm link before too countess but i think it seems really low. perhaps it doesn't take into account age or previous pregnancies? Of course i am ancient at 35y/o now....

SeriousStuff Tue 23-Feb-16 19:41:58

iloveberries yes, I have a 2 year old DD x

Shirkingfromhome Tue 23-Feb-16 19:57:03

Congratulations Seriousstuff and sorry for your previous loss.

I've been, and am currently, in a similar situation. Had a mc, then ds (now 2.5), a mmc and dc2 due in a few weeks. With both pregnancies I found the early weeks really hard, it isn't until regular kicks that I relax a little. Although I never really relax until the baby is in my arms and then there's a whole heap of other stuff to worry about!

If you can try and remember that each pregnancy is different, take it day by day. You can request an early scan but where I live, it's highly unlikely you'd get it unless you're under consultant-led care. And without being mean, I only felt reassured for a day or so before little anxieties started creeping back in.

As someone upthread said, just remember that you're pregnant for today, pregnancy goes frighteningly fast when you already have dc.

WombOfOnesOwn Tue 23-Feb-16 19:57:54

Hi! I got pregnant after two miscarriages 7 and 6 years ago (and no luck TTC in between). I showed up here petrified with brown bleeding, sure it was history repeating itself. Now I am 40 weeks and 3 days and having 45 second contractions 6-7 minutes apart...

Shirkingfromhome Tue 23-Feb-16 20:05:40

Love how you still have the energy to mumsnet Wombofonesown Good luck and congratulations flowers

SeriousStuff Tue 23-Feb-16 21:01:13

Good luck Womb and to you, Shrinking in a few weeks!x

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