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Was I over reacting to his response to the scan photo?

(18 Posts)
Rmaveale1 Wed 10-Feb-16 14:23:12

I had a scan yesterday and oh couldnt come as he's away in Ireland. They let me have a peak in 3D and as I'm only 17 weeks, admittedly it did look weird. When I showed him the pictures he said "it looks deformed" I sent a message back saying "no it doesn't it's just curled up and hiding it's face" he just laughed and said he was joking. I got home and cried all day and haven't spoken to him since. I feel like he's said something horrible and personal about it.

Am I over reacting or was this un reasonable? I want to think I'm over reacting but I just don't know why I got so upset.

bippitybopityboo Wed 10-Feb-16 14:35:36

That's not a very nice thing to say or hear! However men don't see things as a woman does especially a pregnant woman! We're VERY emotional at the moment.
My 12 week scan looks like an alien I'm my DH'S opinion but to me it's the most beautiful thing ever. Don't take it to heart it's his little bean too they just don't think sometimes. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! flowers

cautiousoptimist1 Wed 10-Feb-16 14:37:00

Sorry but I think you are over reacting. As it was in a message rather than a conversation, it will have sounded more harsh than if you'd talked to him on the phone. If you'd had the same message face to face would you still be upset? It would have been clearer that he was joking. Insensitive joking material I agree but I think it's an innocent mistake.

brookeberry Wed 10-Feb-16 14:39:05

Hormones! Don't worry, he was just making a joke. My DH is the most sensitive, loving man and even he can say stoopid things when he thinks he's being funny. He called me humpty dumpty last night! But I love being round and pregnant and we laughed. On another day, my reaction might not have been the same . . . . Scan pictures can look terrible sometimes - we were convinced our bub had chicken legs at one point!

RudeElf Wed 10-Feb-16 14:41:28

I think you're over reacting. EXp and i referred to our unborn DS as "the predator" until he was born because thats what he looked like in one of the scan photos.

I think youre upset because for you it was a lovely experience and you expected DH to reflect that but as he wasnt there, didnt experience it then he didnt have the same response. You got to see the baby moving and saw it in real life. His first experience of it was a photo where it looked a bit curled up, and yes at 17 weeks, not as baby like as he was expecting. Cut him some slack and i think he could cut you some too.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 10-Feb-16 14:41:32

You're definitely overreacting. He was trying to make a stupid joke and you even admitted it looked weird.
I was a bit bonkers throughout my pg and at least the first 6 months of DD's life. She's now 14mo and I still bristle if DH says something at all mocking about her! It's mad. I say things. I call her Donkey and Turnip all the time. I said she looked like Donald Trump last month! She didn't, but her hair was weird. But if he likens a facial expression to an alien or a politician I get all wanky.
Def hormones.
Congratulations, Good luck and just try to smile and ignore anything that annoys you. flowers

Sophia1984 Wed 10-Feb-16 14:44:20

I agree with cautiousoptimist1 that is probably looked worse in a text. My OH and I were joking about how baby has inherited a large nose from both of us, but if he had said it by text it would have sounded awful! Also, are you maybe feeling more emotional about it because he wasn't able to come to the scan? It's also a huge relief having a healthy scan so that might explain the crying too.

Genx77 Wed 10-Feb-16 14:47:35

Yeah you're being way OTT but you're pregnant so it's allowed. Let's face it they all (I include mine in this) look like melted candles at that age.

outputgap Wed 10-Feb-16 14:59:21

I'm currently pregnant and felt obliged to coo at the 3D image at my 10 week scan. I thought it looked like a creepy alien, but didn't want to say that to the sonographer. The 3D image looks much better at 32 weeks.

So, I'm with your dh, I'm afraid!

GenevaJoey Wed 10-Feb-16 15:43:03

They turned on the 3d bit at my 20 week scan, and gave me the pictures. I hate them, I think they look really freaky. I much prefer the non-3d ones. OH quite likes the 3d ones but he says he looks like Mr Smithers because of the way the baby is holding his hands.

I can imagine taking just such a text completely like you though, and think it is really hormonal. That's pregnancy all over though. It's not easy to be so emotional smile

Artioo2 Wed 10-Feb-16 16:04:07

I completely understand why you were so upset, I would have been too. Saying a scan picture is like Mr Smithers or the Predator or a chicken is amusing - I believe "Skeletor" was mentioned at one of our scans - but "deformed" is such a loaded, emotive word that triggers deep anxieties when you're pregnant.

But I'm sure your DH just wasn't thinking, and it might not trigger the same things for him as you. Maybe ask him not to use that term again as it upsets you, then try and forget it.

DixieNormas Wed 10-Feb-16 16:08:18

I wouldn't be happy if it was me, yeah mine all looked like big headed aliens on the scans but upset if any one used the word deformed

sepa Wed 10-Feb-16 16:50:51

I personally find 3D scans quite scary looking and I am rubbish with the normal ones as well (couldn't make my own baby out on the screen)
If it's upset you though then you can't have it brushed off!

seven201 Wed 10-Feb-16 18:45:47

When we had our 20 week scan as soon as she popped up on the screen I said that it looked like a horror film. It's one of those things I just wished hadn't come out of my mouth. I think you're over-reacting personally.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 10-Feb-16 19:07:58

I suspect DH was caught unawares, honestly some of those 3D scans do look anything but cute or adorable. Unfortunate choice of word but after the excitement of going to your appointment no doubt you were hoping for some different reaction.

pictish Wed 10-Feb-16 19:11:31

Those 3D scans are amazing...but ugly. Sorry. I guess he was just expressing that.

Champagneformyrealfriends Wed 10-Feb-16 19:48:50

During our 20 week scan our baby yawned and it looked really skeletal
and a bit odd and my husband said "urghhh!" like it was the worst thing he'd ever seen grin

Missingcaffeine Wed 10-Feb-16 20:17:35

In my opinion, I've never seen a 3D scan of a baby that looked cute or appealing in any way - I think they just look odd, and I've only really seen them at 30 weeks onwards, so I'd imagine earlier scans are even stranger in appearance. I honestly can't understand why people pay for them.

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