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Paternity test in pregnancy

(191 Posts)
BookLover94 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:07:55

Hi, my partner would like me to do a paternity test (baby is 100% his) but I'm happy to do it if it relaxes him.
I know they don't offer them on the NHS and from what I've researched, to have one done in pregnancy costs around £899!
Has anyone else had one done in pregnancy, if so, where did you go and what did you pay?
I'm 22 weeks with a little boy who is healthy despite a few complications with me smile

flanjabelle Sat 06-Feb-16 21:12:45

Is there more to this? It seems unusual for a partner to demand a paternity test during pregnancy. Is everything ok? I thought testing during pregnancy was somewhat risky? If so, would it not be better to wait until the baby is born?

BookLover94 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:15:12

We've had a rocky few months and he's had girlfriends in the past who have cheated on him etc so he's a little insecure (we've only been together 18 months and the baby wasn't planned as I was told I was infertile). I want him to be happy and confident as a parent before the baby is born so I'm happy to have this done.

KP86 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:16:04

Why does he want this?

Save your £900 and move out, away from this untrusting idiot.

I never, ever tell people to leave (not my business!), but in this case I would. The first few months/years of having a baby is super stressful, and if your DP is not 100% on board or in partnership with you, then it just won't work.

flanjabelle Sat 06-Feb-16 21:18:27

I'm sorry, I can't understand your point of view. Testing before the baby is born carries a risk of causing a miscarriage. is it really worth taking that risk to try and make this man trust you?

This isn't normal op. I would be very concerned about your relationship if I were you.

ScrambledEggAndToast Sat 06-Feb-16 21:18:47

Sorry OP but this relationship sounds doomed already if he is this untrusting. Do what you think is best but I would not be happy if DP were insisting I do this.

Gunting Sat 06-Feb-16 21:19:58

You're willing to have a test (that you can't afford) done that comes with a chance of miscarriage on a completely healthy baby?

Tell him no. Stop enabling his silly behaviour.

Lj8893 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:20:48

Unless I had given my partner reason not to trust me (if I had previously cheated etc) then I would have told him where to go it he had asked for a paternity test when I was pregnant. What a wanker.

Nottodaythankyouorever Sat 06-Feb-16 21:21:57

Why can't he have a DNA test when the baby is born?

flanjabelle Sat 06-Feb-16 21:23:50

Op, is this an abusive relationship? If I'm way off, please say, but I can't get my head around the fact that he has convinced you this is necessary.

Shutthatdoor Sat 06-Feb-16 21:24:58

You say you have had a rocky few months. Have you split and got together again and that is why he is doubtful.

I agree with pp he waits until baby is born and he needs to get help with his insecurity.

flanjabelle Sat 06-Feb-16 21:25:35

I will just say it is very common for controlling men to escalate their behaviour during pregnancy. If you think you might need to talk about your relationship, there are plenty of people who will listen to you here.

Nottodaythankyouorever Sat 06-Feb-16 21:26:28

I can't get my head around the fact that he has convinced you this is necessary

I guess because the OP says gf have cheated on him in the past.

Lj8893 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:27:10

Yea, gfs have cheated on him in the past. The op hasn't though!

BookLover94 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:27:14

Thanks, but nothing within the relationship is changing.

He wants to have it done and that's ok by me. I need him to be a good parent, focused on the baby in the right light, not always wondering if he's raising someone else's baby.
I know it's his as I'm not like that, I just want to relax him and help him through his worries.

I really appreciate all your concerns but I was asking for advice on where I could have the test done and for what price, not for relationship advice smile

Lj8893 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:28:27

But why would you choose to have a test that carries the risk of miscarriage when it's clearly a completely unnecessary test?!

VagueIdeas Sat 06-Feb-16 21:29:08

You need to wait until the baby's here; simple as that.

If he feels he can't support you through the rest of the pregnancy without knowing for sure the baby is his (and your word isn't good enough!) then you have big problems.

flanjabelle Sat 06-Feb-16 21:29:38

Fair enough op, it's not something that I would consider because to me the risk to my baby would not be worth reassuring a paranoid man. For that reason I will leave the thread and leave it to others to give the advice. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. flowers

BookLover94 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:31:05

No we haven't split, we've had our fair share of arguments but I'd say they're within normal range!

It's been a stressful few months, we were forced to move house 2 weeks before Christmas when there wasn't much on the market, he's changed his job so something better paid and I've recently had to stop working (not getting paid at all) due to a dispute with my manager which I'm having to take to a tribunal.
On top of that we found out unexpectedly that we're expecting a baby, it's been a hard pregnancy (constant bleeding, HG, placenta previa and I'm rh- so lots of anti-d shots) that's followed 3 miscarriages.

makingmiracles Sat 06-Feb-16 21:31:18

It can be done by non risky simple blood test. But, it costs 1k, I know because I had one in 2013.

Gunting Sat 06-Feb-16 21:32:11

Other people on here have expressed that they wouldn't take the risk so I'm not sure you will get any helpful advice.

The NHS website says if you are considering prenatal paternity testing then speak to your midwife or consultant so you might get better advice there.

NerrSnerr Sat 06-Feb-16 21:33:11

I need him to be a good parent. A good parent would not demand you do a risky test when it can be done when the baby is here. Do not put him before your child.

BookLover94 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:33:48

I'd rather not have it done at all in an ideal world, but I want our baby to have the best start in life. I don't want the first few weeks and months in upheaval while DNA testing is being carried out.
The newborn stage is stressful and hormonal enough as it is and I just want to be able to enjoy my family and baby when he's here.

Lj8893 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:35:15

So how is your baby having the best start in life by having a non-trusting father?!

If you go on to have further babies, is he going to always demand the same test?

Lj8893 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:36:19

I'm sorry op, but he's a controlling wanker.

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