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work life v baby

(11 Posts)
Solmum2b Sat 06-Feb-16 09:43:20

Have just finished work yesterday and have had a professional career to date. I'm feeling a bit lost because I'm so used to being busy that I feel like I have just lost all the 'normal' things around me.

I had not appreciated the following things would happen to me while pregnant.

1) men appear to think that being pregnant means you are fair game to be taken the piss out of because of your size. If I hear one more person say to me 'are you sure it's not twins' I'm going to punch them in the face. A man would never call a naturally larger lady 'fat' so why is it ok to comment on the size of a pregnant women?

2) why does everyone assume that I won't come back to work? It's my choice, my life. Thankfully I am financially secure that affording childcare will not be an issue, but I really resent peoples assumptions. I happen to really like my job and have worked hard to get here.

3) and again- it's back on the blokes again. My male colleagues think that I am having a 'year's holiday' like having a baby is a complete 'walk in the park' and 'they wish they could do it' and just for our for lunch all the time' (I should add that all these comments have been made by single men with no current children of their own. #nofuckingcluehavethey!)

VegasIsBest Sat 06-Feb-16 09:52:24

Do you think you're taking this too seriously?
I say that as someone who's always worked and had two fairly short maternity leaves. Pick your battles and enjoy some banter wth your work mates.

Ps. I had some great lunches while on mat leave. It's a fantastic time :-)

KatharinaRosalie Sat 06-Feb-16 09:52:40

As a professional career mum of 2 little kids, it won't get any easier once the children are here and yes there will be fuckwits judging you and telling you how sad it is that strangers raise your children. So use this opportunity to grow a thicker skin smile

If anybody tells you how they would want a year 'off' too, it's a perfect opportunity to tell them about the new shared parental leave. Have kids, and you can also have time 'off'!

For size comments, I found that a pat on the offender's belly, 'And you, sure it's not triplets' usually did the trick.

eastpregnant Sat 06-Feb-16 10:02:43

I agree with katharina. A couple of men have said similar things to me about how lucky I am to have "time off". I find the best response is to very earnestly tell them about shared parental leave and how wonderful it is and did they know that fathers can take all the "time off" themselves now?

Also I love the "are you sure it's not triplets" comeback. Might have to use that one myself!

Solmum2b Sat 06-Feb-16 12:16:51

Katherina I like the triplets quote too ! Will keep that one in reserve

PennyHasNoSurname Sat 06-Feb-16 12:19:42

I think you expecting a bit much in wanting a single man with presumably no experience of newborns to have any idea how much hard work is involved.

All they know is you will be off work for the best part of a year. Thats it. They dont know the finer details.

Shanster Sat 06-Feb-16 16:38:51

I think its really odd that anyone would assume you're not going to return to work. I'm expecting my third, work F/T and nobody around me would make that assumption. They're more worried about me taking my full 12 weeks of mat leave and how they'll cover it (stingy US 12 weeks unpaid mat leave). I don't recall ever being asked if I would come back with my first or second. I couldn't afford not to work, and I think its unusual (at least here) for women with careers to give up work after they have kids. I can only think of one woman I've worked with who gave up work after having a baby.

CutYourHairAndGetAJob Sat 06-Feb-16 16:44:50

My workplace isn't like yours; a lot of staff are women with children and the assumption is that you WILL come back (although possibly part time).

People might well jokingly say enjoy your time off, but with a wink making it clear that you both know it will be anything but.

Saying that, maternity leave with dc1 was lovely, she was an easy baby and I had nothing to do except hang out with her and other mums and babies.

wonkylegs Sat 06-Feb-16 16:46:45

Sounds like you work with idiots. I work in a male dominated industry(construction) and this is my second baby and honestly have never come across anything like that. Most of the guys have been great, sometimes a little clueless but generally nice with it. Everyone assumed I was coming back (last time I was promoted whilst on ML) and this time it's slightly different as I work for myself but was talking to a contractor the other day who just said rightyo will see you in a few months, can't wait to meet the new employee!
I have had lots of comments about are you sure it's not twins but frankly I do have a huge bump on a tiny frame so it's not that dafter comment even DH has said it.

Littleoakhorn Sat 06-Feb-16 20:19:32

I've had all this. When someone asked if it was twins one of my female colleagues rolled her eyes, said "it's always the men" and glared at his (not insubstantial) belly.

maybebabybee Sat 06-Feb-16 20:22:23

I have the opposite issue re: returning to work, everyone assumes I'm going to when I'm not.

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