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Hate my body changing

(12 Posts)
poppingcandy89 Thu 04-Feb-16 16:59:44

I am bulimic, have been in recovery for long enough to think I was 'cured'. But my pregnancy has really set it off. I don't make myself sick - I 'purge' by excessive excercise. I am getting help.

I'm posting mainly to see if anyone else is struggling with seeing their body change/gaining weight and worrying about losing it afterwards.

This is my 2nd baby, with my first I was young and my body snapped back straight away. But I keep getting told how much harder it is after your 2nd, is this true?

I'm 16 weeks tomorrow and am retaining water, some days I look 6 months pregnant others my tummy is almost flat!

CityMole Thu 04-Feb-16 17:30:05

Hi, I am so sorry to hear this, but it's great that you're getting help.

I had eating disorders when I was younger, and an exercise addiction about ten years ago- I don't think you're ever 'cured' to be honest, but you just find ways to deal with it, with some hard work and good support. I am still exercising (only a tiny bit compared to normal) but I am eating rather a lot more than usual, and I am perfectly ok with this and not having any strange compulsions, thankfully.

I'm approaching my body changes with mostly fascination, although I know that a lot of the big changes are still to come for me, as at 27 weeks my body hasn't changed very much yet. there is obviously a baby in my torso, and my boobs are comedy size, but the rest of me looks the same EXCEPT FOR MY MOTHERFUCKING THIGHS. It's disproportionately upsetting me how disproportionate they are to the rest of my body! I'm sure that it's what my body needs to do in order to support the extra bulk around my trunk, but because it doesn't seem directly linked to the baby, there is a slight hint of self loathing mixed in with my feelings towards my poor old thighs. I'm trying not to swell on it though smile [stuffs another miniroll into face]

I think it's important that you talk about how you are feeing, and that way you can rationalise what you can, and get help for the bits that are giving you concern. I also think you're obsessing too much over 'second baby' body stuff- there's every chance you'll snap back again, and if not, you can cross that bridge if/ when you come to it. You can do this. flowers

sepa Thu 04-Feb-16 17:31:25

I am Struggling with my changing body shape/size and stretch marks and I am not bulimic. I am also worried about losing the weight after as I have a chronic pain condition which means I struggle some days to put my own clothes on.

I'm happy that you are getting help for this. Obviously it's important to think about the babies needs but when you have an illness I know that this is easier said than done sometimes.

I know that my post isn't much help but by seeking help for your bulimia is showing what a great mumma you are already to your little one!
Hopefully your finding the support from your help enough to help you stay healthy during pregnancy

CityMole Thu 04-Feb-16 17:34:21

swell = dwell. Freudian slip!

poppingcandy89 Thu 04-Feb-16 17:42:51

Gosh so hormonal cried within first 2 lines of first post! I am excercising intensely but nothing I didn't do before pregnancy so my midwife said this is fine. I do Insanity x5 a week and spinning every day. The thought of not being able to do that is terrifying right now, so I am hoping by that point I'll be in a better place (first treatment session tomorrow!).

My thighs are also growing... CityMole you're right about the obsessing, I guess that's part of eating disorder. Spent hours researching and looking at celebs who've had more than 1 baby...

It's the water retention that I find hardest to cope with... Below I've put a picture of me at 12 weeks in my grey top, and 15 weeks in black top. So uncomfortable.

CityMole Thu 04-Feb-16 18:01:32

I think you look gorgeous. Pregnant, and gorgeous, but still gorgeous! but I know only too well that what other people think matters not a jot when you have a disordered mind! try to keep your chin up- there will come a time when you might need to drop down the intensity of exercise but you've got a long way to go, and you're doing really well. Just be honest with your midwife and heed advice.

FoxgloveStar Thu 04-Feb-16 22:59:52

I don't have an eating disorder but I was previously overweight and worked very hard to slim down before pregnancy (-4 stone). I'm trying to take the attitude that what will be will be during pregnancy and that I shall deal with the consequences after I give birth. I know I can lose weight and get fit and I'll just have to work on it later to get back to where I want to be.

Continue to get help and remember your body will change shape irrespective of your eating and exercise in preparation. Try not to fight it and remember your body is adjusting for the baby's wellbeing.

Good luck.

AliceScarlett Fri 05-Feb-16 09:05:46

I'm in recovery from anorexia, I'm only TTC at the moment, so I can't fully relate at all. But I'm just wondering if you could use the skills/whatever that helped you to recover from bulimia and apply them now?

I think there us something about using exercises as purging and if its not exercising then maybe it would be something else....at the end of the day ED's are really not about the scales or body size, they are about how we cope with emotions and the inherent lack of control and uncertainty in life.

What kind of help are you getting?

AliceScarlett Fri 05-Feb-16 09:06:46

Is*

Onlyonce Fri 05-Feb-16 09:48:26

Hi

It sounds strange to say this but I am so glad you have posted. I had anorexia as a teenager. My habits with eating aren't great now, emotional and stress related. I spent my whole pregnancy feeling desperately alone and terrified of what would happen to my body. I thought it was just me that felt like this. My family did not understand at all. DM said I should have thought about it before getting pregnant. But the fear just bowled me over, and I had not really expected it.

How do you get to the stage where you are ready to be pregnant again when you know what it is like from the first time?

poppingcandy89 Sat 06-Feb-16 21:45:48

Sorry for delay in response. Had my first treatment session, at least something is finally put in place.

I feel the same about my body onlyonce, so scared about what will happen. My body bounced straight back last time, I weighed less the day I gave birth than before I'd fallen pregnant.

I'm seeing a mental health midwife and have started seeing a therapist for people with ED.

I'm on day 2 not having binged, had a bad week before (4 easter eggs in a sitting for example!), it's so hard.

Onlyonce Sat 06-Feb-16 22:03:54

Hi popping

Well done, you are really strong. I am not sure I can so it again as I am not happy with my body as it is now.

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