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Struggling.

(8 Posts)
lemonslemonslemons Thu 04-Feb-16 11:44:19

I am so sorry to post this, but everything is just crap and I don’t know who else to talk to. I think I just need to write it down…

…I am 22 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy has been fine apart from the standard sickness and nausea for the first 12 weeks. But I am done. I am fed up and tired and just done. I have a 3 year old daughter who is so full of energy all the time and I have none! I am uncomfortable and more emotional than I have ever been.

The emotional thing is partly pregnancy and partly because my aunt recently died within 3 weeks of a cancer diagnosis. We were all really close to her and it came completely out of the blue. My mum has the same cancer as her sister had and it is terminal. We have an appointment with a genetics clinic to see if she carries a gene as all women on that side of the family have had breast cancer and a lot of them were later diagnosed with secondary breast cancer.

It's looming like a horrible loomy cancerous cloud.

I just feel like I am wading through treacle. And tears.

DH is great and so patient with me, but I know that he doesn’t get it. Particularly the pregnancy issues (I have varicose veins down there already). I don’t really want to talk to my sisters about it because they are going through the same thing (minus being pregnant) and my mum is mourning her sister.

I know that no one can do anything but I just need to be told that I can do this and it is all going to be ok!!

Everythinggettingbigger Thu 04-Feb-16 12:05:13

Oh OP that's horrendous flowers

I know you say you don't want to talk to your sisters but as you say, they are going through the same thing so will be best people to talk to IMO. Can you get a friend to go with you to a soft pay area so you can sit and have a chat and a coffee while your DD plays?

I've not been through anything like this so cant help like that but im here and listening if you want to offload!

lemonslemonslemons Thu 04-Feb-16 12:10:25

Thanks, yeah I ought to talk to them. It's weird because I just don't like talking to anyone about it out loud! I think I'm trying to keep it together and my way of doing that is not talking about it, IYSWIM?! Vicious circle.

Everythinggettingbigger Thu 04-Feb-16 13:51:50

I did go through a traumatic experience when I was expecting my first DS but not quite the same thing.

My sister was also pregnant and around 7 weeks ahead of me. she hadn't been feeling too well and my mum was convinced it was pre-eclampsia yet the doctors kept fobbing her off. I went on holiday with my DP early hours of the morning, by the afternoon (during our long haul flight) my sister was rushed to hospital having an eclampic fit, came extremely close to losing her own life and unfortunately her daughter was born still born at nearly 27 weeks. Had the doctors picked up on this we would be celebrating my nieces 6th birthday this year. Our holiday was for 16 days, my sister called me on the 3rd day to tell me what had happened, but didn't fully explain, only that she had lost the baby, it was a girl and told me her name. I was sad and had a look at flights back but was way too expensive and thought there's nothing we can do by being there anyway.

When I got back I was so shocked by the severity of what had actually happened (didn't hit me properly while I was on holiday) I kind of completely blanked it out.

the reason I am telling you this is, I cry about it nearly every day, the fact of what happened, the fact I wasn't there for my sister, my mum, my dad or anybody else, the fact of how selfish I must have seemed trying to show everyone holiday photos while my sister was trying to show me photos of her stillborn daughter. but I completely blanked it out, I wish to this day I would have spoken to someone, and then maybe I would have behaved differently.

not only did my sister need someone to talk to, so did I.

I know its not the same and its not your sister its actually happened to but if you see what I'm saying she might need someone to talk to just as much as you do.

by blocking it out and not talking about really did not help me......at all.

AliceScarlett Fri 05-Feb-16 09:18:28

I think you are doing this, yes you're struggling understandably but you are coping and will probably continue too, what's the alternative?
I agree that talking with your sisters could be really helpful.

Also just wondering if you could contact Macmillan or CRUSE? Just for some more support flowers

lemonslemonslemons Fri 05-Feb-16 10:03:13

Wow, I am so sorry to hear that Everything. I see what you mean about talking about it though.

Thank you both.

seven201 Fri 05-Feb-16 19:38:22

When my mum was dying I was also planning a rush wedding (so my mum could come) and both of my sisters were pregnant; one of them then had a baby in intensive care in the last few days of my mum's life so couldn't come and visit to say goodbye. We has a sisters whatsapp where we got everything off our chests. It really helped as we could say what we were angry about etc. We did also phone too but sometimes you just don't feel like talking about it. I'm not a particularly chatty person but I think I would have broken down if we hadn't had our little group. I think you should reach out and see how it goes xx

seven201 Fri 05-Feb-16 19:38:45

I wish there was an edit button. Ignore he 'also'

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