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I don't think I want the baby!!

(15 Posts)
PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 01:04:43

I know I sound awful but I already have a baby under 1 and have found out I'm around 7 weeks pregnant with number 2.
Dh and I should have been more careful I know I know.
I just really don't think I want another child I want to enjoy the one I have. It is breaking my heart thinking of abortion but I just don't want another child.
I'm torn to pieces with this. Dh has said he will support my decision either way.
The thought of abortion is making me feel sick.
My main problem is I feel I will miss out on the child I have her toddler years ect and that she will feel left out.
God I just need a bit of advice and maybe a hug! I'm hundreds of miles from my mum and don't have any friends where I am!

nashley Tue 26-Jan-16 01:15:18

I'm sending you a hug!

As someone who is struggling to conceive, I don't understand how you feel but babies bring out many complicated emotions.
I'm not sure how to advise you except keep talking to dh - he can't just say it's up to you. You need more support than that.
You need to think about the worst case scenarios - is it worse to have a child feel a little jealous or regret an abortion forever? I'm sure it's way more complex than that but that's the first example that came into my head!
One pro is that dc age gap will be small so may be best of friends!
I hope you feel better about this soon one way or another smile

5BlueHydrangea Tue 26-Jan-16 01:18:09

Children bring many rewards. Your two would be close in age and grow up together. Hard work in the early days but great as they get older. Look upon this new baby as a blessing not a hassle. Think of the love you could give him/her.
I'm sure there are lots of people on here who could share their experiences of having 2 babies close together to help ease your worries.

PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 01:22:10

nashley
God I am so so sorry for being so insensitive. Our dc1 came after years of ttc and many miscarriages. I am so sorry for your situation and I hope it's gets better!
I think this is why I am feeling like I am our dc was so longed for I don't want to miss a second of her.
My dh would never push me either way he has told me he was shocked but now happy it's me that has these feelings!
Thankyou for your hug is greatly received grin xxx

PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 01:24:01

5blue
Thankyou for that perspective it has helped.
As I said Dc was so wanted in worried I won't love this child as much as it was unplanned (God I sound like a horrible bitch)

nashley Tue 26-Jan-16 01:28:04

You're not being insensitive at all! That's what this forum is about - sharing feelings and supporting each other.
I only mentioned it to reinforce my lack of knowledge in your situation!
Sounds like you have a lovely and loving family so maybe dc2 would be an amazing addition!
I agree with 5blue, I bet there are thousands of parents who have dcs close in age who will say it's a blessing.
It does have to be your and dh decision though smile x

PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 01:34:35

nashley
Like I said in my op the thought of going through an abortion is horrific for me (I know people have there reasons and I respect there choices) I think I have put my dc on such a pedestal for want of a better word I don't want to miss out on her or her on me.
My dh works away a lot all week most of the time in fact and I'm miles from family and friends. To be completely honest I think I'm just scared. I have a fantastic husband (don't tell him it'll go straight to his head lol) but I feel so alone about this.

PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 01:35:33

Their choices

OneWordTwoSyllables Tue 26-Jan-16 01:53:55

I had an abortion almost 5 years ago and can honestly say I don't regret it at all. BUT from the moment I saw the second line on a pregnancy test, I knew I didn't want and couldn't keep the baby. I was very sure from the beginning and had no doubts.

The procedure itself was incredibly traumatic for me (I understand it isn't for a lot of people though). I was able to manage and eventually put it behind me because I knew I had made the right decision for me at that time. I can't imagine how somebody would feel if they had a traumatic experience and ultimately regretted the decision as well. I honestly don't think I would be able to bear it.

I guess what I'm saying is, you must be absolutely sure that abortion is right for you. At the moment you sound a long way from that.

It sounds like a really tough place to be in and you sound like a lovely person. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and your family thanks

PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 01:59:41

Thankyou oneword flowers
I am so sorry it was traumatic for you ..
I guess I'm being a little irrational... It's still not properly sunk in that I'm actually pregnant. Other than my dh here is kind of the only place I have to talk about it so I really appreciate you taking the time. Especially at this ridiculas hour! Xx

OneWordTwoSyllables Tue 26-Jan-16 02:06:11

It doesn't sound like you're being irrational - you've had a massive shock! They sound like normal thoughts that just need some sorting out. Give yourself time to do that and be kind to yourself.

Having a baby in itself is a massive time of adjustment and craziness so dealing with a second surprise pregnancy must be scary, shocking, amazing, mind blowing and about another million emotions!

I've never been in the same position but I'm guessing I would be struggling with similar thoughts to you. It's really positive that you are recognising them and trying to work through them rather than making rash decisions etc.

Oh also, time has no meaning to me at the moment - baby OneWord has no concept of night and day at the moment apparently!

LucilleLeSueur Tue 26-Jan-16 07:46:26

I got pregnant when my dc1 was three months old - contraception failure. We were in no way in a position to have another baby in any way - also I was physically and emotionally damaged from dc1 birth.

I did have a termination despite feeling very reluctant (I'm pro-choice in general but personally I thought abortion would never be an option for me). It was very traumatic emotionally - also they botched the procedure so I had to go back for a second time.

That said I know we made the right decision at the time - our dc1 needed more than we would have been able to give had we had another baby.

We later had dc2 and now dc3 is on the way and I'm confident that we were right to wait for them.

I also thought I would never be able to love dc2 as much as dc1 and had many moments of panic. As it was she came into the world so calm and beautiful and I was instantly besotted. Am kissing her fluffy little head right now in delight.

Wishing you all the best OP - it's such a hard decision and I hope you can come to peace with whatever you decide.

kathmcs Tue 26-Jan-16 15:52:13

Hallo! I'm so sorry you feel this way. I found out I was expecting no.2 when my son was 9 months... we were very happy but a bit worried about how we'd cope. I didn't have any friends or family nearby to help us. When she arrived we we coped as best we could with two tiny people but it's been so worth it watching them grow together - they are so close now. I honestly think it's been far better for my eldest than spending more time alone. I felt sad at times that we didn't have more one on one time. You still have all the time left in your pregnancy to spend with your eldest and make it a special time. X x x

Upthenoonoo Tue 26-Jan-16 16:01:04

I found out I was pg when Dd was 6 months old. I was gutted, sobbing, couldn't keep it etc. I was in such shock I couldn't find the pg test after! Once the shock subsided I realised there was no way I could consider an abortion but I felt I was betraying my Dd. I went through the motions of pregnancy for the 9 months but when ds was born they whisked him down to scbu. There I fell in love with him. Don't get me wrong it was knackering at first but now they are 11 & 12 I wouldn't have it any other way x

PrettyInPinky26 Tue 26-Jan-16 16:01:11

kath Thankyou so much for that

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