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Need a hand hold. Distraught.

(47 Posts)
Sallycinnamon17 Fri 08-Jan-16 16:59:33

Had my 12 week scan today, found out we were expecting twins. Unfortunately both have passed away. I actually don't know what to do with myself, emotions are everywhere and I'm so confused. Just looking for some support.

Nicknamegrief Fri 08-Jan-16 17:01:39

Sorry to hear that, it completely sucks to get news like that.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 08-Jan-16 17:02:08

I'm so sorry <offers hand>

TPel Fri 08-Jan-16 17:02:45

Oh no. In so sorry for you. flowers

Iammad Fri 08-Jan-16 17:02:46

I'm really sorry to hear this, there is nothing I can say to make this better.
I hope you have got some real life support.
Sending my thoughts. flowers

toffeeboffin Fri 08-Jan-16 17:03:50

We are here, Sally.

Just breathe. You are in shock.

Hand holding flowers

It's no comfort saying this I know, but I know how you feel, this happened to me over Christmas.

laurita42 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:03:53

I am so very sorry. It is heartbreaking. Hand hold.

ktkaye Fri 08-Jan-16 17:05:31

It is bone crushingly, unfathomably awful isn't it. I am so sorry for your loss. It will get better, but not for a while. Here's another hand to hold while you make sense of it. It feels so lonely, but you aren't alone flowers

Sourdough123 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:06:05

Hi Sally. I'm so, so, sorry to hear about your loss. I was in almost exactly the same position myself just before Christmas a year ago, having had a MMC, and it was devastating and overwhelming. I'm sure you have been given lots of information to consider about your options, take your time in doing so, there is lots of helpful advice on here about people's experience. Also take time to grieve, and know that there are people out there thinking about you and who have been in the same position and who are sending you lots and lots of hugs and support. I wish I could say something more tangible which would help, but all you can do is look after yourself and wait to come out the other side (which you will). xxx

Sallycinnamon17 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:06:34

Thank you all, I just needed to actually tell someone, I'm still expecting to wake up from this horrible nightmare and everything be ok. I've got my partner for support but he's obviously taken it all quite badly. We just don't know how to tell the rest of the family. I'm also very confused about the procedures ahead. The hospital have us a miscarriage option leaflet and sent us home to read it!.

YouBastardSockBalls Fri 08-Jan-16 17:07:41

Oh my goodness. I'm so so sorry for you flowers

MaudGonneMad Fri 08-Jan-16 17:07:56

That's so sad Sally. I've had 2 mcs and they are utterly shit. So sorry to hear this.

CityMole Fri 08-Jan-16 17:08:40

Oh Sally, this is such sad awful news, I'm so sorry.

In terms of telling other people, take your time. There's no rush and you should decide as calmly as you can who you want to share this news with.
We will hold your hand for as long as you need it x

toffeeboffin Fri 08-Jan-16 17:10:57

'I'm also very confused about the procedures ahead. The hospital have us a miscarriage option leaflet and sent us home to read it!.'

Leaflet. Tut.

Support on here, instead, Sally. Loads of it, really good advice what you don't seem to get at the hospital.

EchoesOfLeon Fri 08-Jan-16 17:11:00

Hi Sally,

You could tell one person and ask them to pass the news on so that you don't have to keep saying the same things. Or if family aren't aware of the pregnancy, don't feel you have to tell them anything yet.

I've had the same leaflet and I just kept staring at the cover thinking 'what use is a leaflet when my baby is gone???'

You have a few choices to make about what happens now and I'm sure we can give you our experiences depending on what you feel comfortable with. I've had an erpc at 12w6days so can let you know what that is like if you want more info on what to expect.

flowers

CrystalGlitz Fri 08-Jan-16 17:12:23

Sally, I'm so very sorry that you've had such distressing news today. TAMBA have a bereavement helpline that you can call, and a Facebook group: details here
Also The Miscarriage Association are a wonderful source of support
Thinking of you flowers

juneau Fri 08-Jan-16 17:14:10

Oh Sally that's terrible. I'm so sorry. I found out I'd had a MMC at 12 weeks too and its really rubbish. All those weeks of waiting and hoping and then all your hopes dashed.

With regard to what happens next I think its usual to be given three options:
1) Wait for nature to take its course.
2) Medication to bring on miscarriage and either hole up at home and deal with it or go into hospital (aka medical management).
3) ERPC - a medical procedure under GA to remove everything.

Give it some thought and go with what you feel most comfortable with. For me, that was option 3 as I didn't want to feel or experience anything, but some women need to have the experience for closure. But anyway, you can talk through everything with the doctor to help you feel okay with your choice flowers

Sallycinnamon17 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:21:31

The leaflet is truly horrible, I can't bare to look at it. It seems awful classing my babies as a miscarriage when they're very much there, especially after seeing them on the screen. The very lovely sonographer we had did a very good job of quickly getting photos for us to keep. However I can't look at them just yet. Thank you Juneau for explains the options a bit more clearly than the leaflet, I've got until the morning to decide. Thank you all for the kind advice, it's nice to know I'm not alone although it does feel like it.

MaudGonneMad Fri 08-Jan-16 17:26:05

This thread has lots of useful advice and tips. I opted for ERPC the second time round and I'm glad I did. Like a PP, I didn't want to feel or see anything, but it's a very personal choice.

Eastend2015 Fri 08-Jan-16 17:37:12

So sorry for your loss and I understand the shock having had an MMC earlier last year. The leaflets aren't hugely helpful and we found the hospital rushed us through the options initially. The miscarriage association were amazing- just to note, the ERPC doesn't have to be done under general anaesthetic, I had it done under local. It was very quick and more uncomfortable than painful. My husband was allowed to stay with me to hold one hand and the nurse held the other. I did wait three weeks first to see whether I miscarried naturally and nothing happened but it felt right to give it a bit more time. Do PM me if you want to talk more. flowers

BeautifulLiar Fri 08-Jan-16 17:46:08

Oohhh sally that's just so sad sad I don't know what to say other than please look after yourself xx

AnaGon Fri 08-Jan-16 17:51:27

I am so sorry for your loss Sally. You are in my thoughts. Virtual hugs to you!

Impatientwino Fri 08-Jan-16 18:08:04

You poor, poor thing. My heart goes out to you.

I had a MMC discovered at my scan and its truely the shitest thing.

An ERPC was the best option for me but take your time to consider your options. The miscarriage boards on here are amazing and you will get phenomenal support there if you want to chat about options and how you're feeling.

We told one person and asked them to pass it on which was a good move. It was lovely having texts and messages from friends as I found it a really lonely time and their support helped so much.

Take care of yourself thanks

sepa Fri 08-Jan-16 18:21:00

I'm so sorry to hear this. You will have loads of support here.

I agree with what someone else has said, tell one person and let them know. If people don't know that you were pregnant I think it is still a good idea to tell someone so you can have support in RL. This will be hard for your partner also so a 3rd party will not be a bad person to have around!

3littlebadgers Fri 08-Jan-16 18:26:35

Sally, go with your emotions and be kind to yourself. Do what you feel you can manage even if that is just breathe. I hope dearly that you are given the strength to deal with what the next few weeks and months bring to you. flowers

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