33 weeks, anxious, feeling very sorry for myself

[PinkPlaid]

Hello there lovely Pregnancy board ladies,

I'm looking for a bit of company/commiserations, if I'm honest, because I'm struggling.

Have sinus tachycardia (heart rate going silly-fast) and feel faint or wobbly most days now, at 33 weeks. I'm getting a heart monitor from the hospital tomorrow to keep an eye on things and feel overwhelmed at the thought of the journey to hospital - something that would've been completely manageable a few weeks back.

I burst into tears when my husband was going to work this morning because my chest aches and I feel pathetic and don't want to be on my own. I know the end of pregnancy is in sight now, but that doesn't provide much consolation because I'm terrified of child birth. I'm seeing the consultant next week to discuss a c-section - but the hospital already gave me a print-out to say that they don't do them unless for medical reasons, so we'll see if the tachycardia is sufficient...

I'm just feeling a bit drained, hopeless and frightened to be honest. Anyone else out there in a similar boat? Thank you for reading.

[aimees75]

Sorry to hear that it sounds awful. I would say that that is a good reason for wanting a ELCS but obviously I am not an expert. You only have a week to go and then things will hopefully be a bit clearer for you. In the meantime just try to distract yourself with boxsets snd reading and take it very easy. You won't have this time to rest again so make the most of it while you are forced to x

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Aw, pink

It was interesting reading your post actually, having just had to collapse on the couch after I felt sick and faint with my heart palpitating in my chest. I'm 34+4 and for the last week I've been finding it harder and harder to breathe, I keep getting asthma-like attacks with my heart thumping, an adrenaline type warm feeling in my chest, and feeling like my lung capacity has been cut in half. I had an ECG done about 3 or 4 weeks ago and they almost didn't let me leave the hospital because my pulse was racing. Heart was fine though

I'm going to mention it to the midwife at my regular check tomorrow, but I expect there's nowt they can do as my ECG was fine.

I'm also terrified of birth! Feel free to PM me if you want hand-holding. Whereabouts in the country are you?

[PinkPlaid]

Thank you for your replies both - I'm in a right state with this pregnancy - I wish it were over.

I'm sorry to hear you've been experiencing similar symptoms, goodnightdarthvader, it's really unpleasant isn't it? I've had an ecg too and all was ok. I just can't shake the feeling that this is not right though. Glad I'm going to the hospital tomorrow but have tonight to get through. Trying to take it hour by hour.

I'm in London/Surrey - how about you? x

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Have you been diagnosed with tachycardia? That's something at least, having a diagnosis. How are your iron levels?

Do you have friends nearby to support you? I'm pretty much on my own (except for DH), was feeling a bit sorry for myself today too. It's scary and there's no one to talk about it to :(

I'm down in Kent, not far from you :)

[PinkPlaid]

Hi there,

Yes the GP explained it as tachycardia and told me to go on early mat leave to rest, which helps me to rationalise a bit when I get into one of my panics. Being generally very anxious and drained is not helping my sanity though!

I have a friend who lives not too far away who I'm seeing on Friday but other than that no family, just DH, who is very long suffering throughout all this. Ive been a bit of a wimp throughout this pregnancy but feel like I can't 'woman up' at all, which is really upsetting! Especially when I see others coping well. How do they do it?

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling bad too, but if I'm honest it's good to not feel completely alone in experiencing these symptoms! Saying that, I really hope you feel better soon. Is this your first? It's my first (& last) and the birth is looming large...

[goodnightdarthvader1]

Tis my first, and like you I'm finding it hard to "woman up" and thinking "Not sure I can do this again ..."

I have no idea how women carry on as normal. That's not me, at all! I went on early mat leave too (although disliking my job had a lot to do with that ...)

What's your birth plan like, just hoping for that ELCS?

[aimees75]

All pregnancies are different and an awful lot of women have easier pregnancies than you two are having, so don't be too hard on yourselves about 'womaning up' whatever that means. A racing heart will automatically make you feel anxious and panicky. Maybe ask to have your iron levels checked as well.
Do whatever you can do to stay sane. I have just started mat leave and spending my days sorting out baby stuff whilst listening to radio 4, it's working so far, but I'm prone to anxiety as well and feel it could strike too at any moment. Just trying to take it easy and one day at a time

[PinkPlaid]

I think you're right aimees75, one day a a time is all we can do. Pregnancy really does seem to effect everyone differently, and I wasn't expecting to feel so desperately rubbish. I guess it's the luck of the draw, like with childbirth. All a lottery as to what sort of experience you'll have.

goodnight: I haven't written a birth plan yet - have you? I guess I'm hanging my hopes on an ELCS, although the thought of that is still scary! I read an article in the Guardian recently, and it basically said that when they asked obstetricians how they'd give birth, the majority said they'd go for a c-section because they'd seen too many complications with natural births. It has really stuck with me... I'm trying to read positive as well as negative stories about vaginal births and c-sections, but it's difficult not to think 'worst case scenario' at times.

I'm doing some hypnobirthing stuff but to be honest I find it quite anxiety-triggering, sitting with my eyes closed trying to drift off! Urgh. My hypnotherapist gave me a stern word about doing it every day for it to work, but I guess you have to really believe in it for it to work? My anxiety's at 11 at the moment, so perhaps I'm just being a bit resistant.

Sorry for rambling on, I don't know who to talk to about all this so it just comes out incoherently once I start. Thank you both for taking the time to read and talk - I really hope you both feel better soon x

[goodnightdarthvader1]

I've written a "Birth Preferences" - water birth, active labour, minimal drugs (except epidural if I'm not coping). I hate needles and have a vomiting phobia. Why did I agree to this?! I'm still terrified :)

I've had hypnobirthing recommended to me, but tbh the idea of visualisations and "being someone else" makes me feel out of control. In a weird way I want to be present in the moment and clear on what's happening. I also worry about things being done to me without my consent, so that's part of why I want to be "focused". I bet it backfires and I just panic though. I think you'll find it useful if you can get your head around it.

I would totally prefer an ELCS, but haven't bothered asking for one as I know I'd get hassle. At least you have a medical reason! I don;t really worry about her getting stuck or anything. I am worried about back to back labour though.

Arrrrrrgh! x

[PinkPlaid]

That sounds like a good plan, goodnight. Very wise to have the epidural on standby too :)

I went to see the cardiologist today and am now sporting a heart monitor. Really hope it picks up the wobbles I've been getting. I feel like I've stopped breathing when I fall asleep, which massively ups my anxiety levels. Feeling totally drained after last night when I was up till 5.30am with chest pains and breathing problems. Pregnancy is such a joy.

I know what you mean about the control element of hypnotherapy, and wanting to be focused and present at the birth. I really hope you have a positive experience and that baby behaves on the day! x