internal examinations

[Queazy]

For various reasons I have what could probably be termed a phobia of these. It meant that I ended up having an epidural with dd1 as refused more than one examination (and that took an hour, with me having massive upset). Anyone empathise? Any tips? It honestly isn't just that I don't like them...who does?! But I'm considering a c section just to avoid it

[MrsSoDown]

After suffering horrendous sweep while I was in the throws of an induction, plus having a miscarriage and baby getting stuck I can totally sympathise about having internal examinations. I point blank refuse unless they are seeing how far dilated I am. I will never ever have a sweep again and I will not have anyone come near me in that respect. I totally understand. The thought of it makes me want to cry. You're not alone x

[HumphreyCobblers]

You do not have to have them. I also have a phobia of them (although I have now got to the point where I can tolerate a smear) and I did not have any to see how dilated I was, an experienced midwife can tell how far along you are by other signs. Knowing how dilated you are is not a necessary part of childbirth.

I know how scary it can be. But I had counselling after my children were born (all by c section in the end, but not because of refusal of internals) and it helped me so much.

[Queazy]

Thank you so much. I won't even let them check how dilated I am. It makes me think c section is the only way forward x

[HumphreyCobblers]

I would have a proper talk with the midwife. The one I had when I went into Labour with ds1 was very understanding. Having said all that, a c section is a reasonable choice if that is what makes you feel most comfortable.

It is very hard to explain the fear to people who do not share it. I really do understand. It is horrible. But don't give up hope of over coming it, I am living proof that it can be done.

[Queazy]

Thanks so much too Humphrey - that's what I was told but then I ended up with 2-3 midwives all trying to have a go, and had an epidural as I couldn't face then doing it again. I think I will flatly refuse but then they can't triage me (or so they said) X

[HumphreyCobblers]

That is not true, it REALLY annoys me when human rights are violated like this! My consultant said they are not necessary in childbirth. Basically they are used to start the clock ticking on your labour. There are some circumstances when they could be necessary if a problem arose in labour, but not just for triage.

If your hospital are like this then I think a c section is a good plan. I have had three and they were fab really. Good luck. After you have had the baby see if you can get some help? I went to a Doctor who specialised in helping women overcome this particular trauma. She was amazing.

[LumpySpaceCow]

There are other ways of checking dilation :
birthwithoutfearblog.com/2013/06/06/alternative-methods-of-checking-dilation-the-purple-line-and-more/

I think you need to talk with a consultant and supervisor of midwife and have a really comprehensive birth plan so everyone knows that you do not consent to them.
My last midwife was independent and only ever did them if the lady specifically asked for one. She didn't find them useful as the cervix isn't a crystal ball and only tells you where you are at that one specific time and not where you will be in an hour I.e. Could.be really discouraging if you are 'only' 4cm but who's to say you won't be fully in an hour? You may want to consider a doula as well to advocate for you during birth.
For the future it may be worth considering counselling. My friend has psychosexual counselling as she struggles with intercourse and couldn't physically have her smear. x

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

It is absolute bollocks that they can't triage you without an internal.

I had my second and third child without any internals at all (except afterwards, when checked for whether I needed stitches - can you manage that one? It's rather risky not to be able to see if you need stitches, for obvious reasons).

My last mw was very dismissive off them. She said they gave you very little information, just a number to write on a chart.