Six weeks pregnant, scared and unsure....

[Freckle22]

I have just found out that I am pregnant and although I am in a loving, stable relationship, we have only been together 5 months. My partner has made it clear he is not ready for a baby and would rather I have an abortion but I'm just not sure I can go through with it. I had an abortion some years ago and have always regretted it. To add to this I'm 33 and scared this might be my last chance! If I don't have the abortion though, I'm terrified my partner will resent me and our relationship will suffer. I haven't told anyone else and I'm feeling very scared and alone! Would really appreciate some advice.

[bluishskies]

I didn't want to read and run. I have no real advice to offer but I'm sorry you are feeling so scared. Maybe it would make things clearer for you if you could separate your feelings towards the pregnancy from your feelings about your relationship. Only you can decide what you want to do.

[Jeffreythegiraffe]

Don't have an abortion for your partner, only do it if that's what you really want to do. If you terminate without really wanting to then you could end up resenting your partner.

It's your body, it's your choice.

[Freckle22]

Thanks bluishskies. I think that would make things clearer for me. I am in danger of letting my feelings blur into one big irrational cloud! I don't think I have ever felt so torn over a decision in my life!

[Freckle22]

Thanks Jeffreythegiraffe. I understand what you're saying but I'm worried that if I keep the baby, my partner will resent me. He is a good man and has said he will support me but that our relationship will change massively because I am creating a responsibility in his life he just does not want at the moment.

[Jeffreythegiraffe]

Well he may well do, but equally you may end up resenting him. He has to take some responsibility for this! It's all very well saying he doesn't want this at the minute, but this is half his responsibility. Either way it could break your relationship.

[Jeffreythegiraffe]

You both created this responsibility, don't let him push the blame on to you. It easy for him to say have an abortion, he's not the one who has to go through with it and deal with it afterwards.

[Freckle22]

I know and that's what makes it so hard - our relationship will suffer either way!

[BeckleinDisguise]

Not quite the same but I found out recently I'm expecting and my husband really doesn't want another child. He thinks I'm selfish for not considering abortion but I know our relationship wouldn't survive it if he pushed me into it. He is not sure whether it will survive another child but I think he's just throwing his toys put of the pram because he's not getting his way.

At the end of the day you have to do the thing that feels right for you, there's a good chance he'll get used to the idea (mine is starting to) so you should follow your instincts. Your body, your choice.

Also, when I fell pg with dc1 we had only been together a few months, we've now been together for over 16y, married for 11 and have 3 DCs - sometimes the length of time you've been together doesn't matter if it's meant to be, it will be.

[mellowyellow1]

Either way there will be resentment from one of you. It's such a hard decision and there really is no right or wrong answer. Also it's hard to think straight with all those hormones rushing about in your brain.

You have to do what is right for you in this situation, your health and well-being is more important than anything else.