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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Help!!! 22 and just found out I'm pregnant

52 replies

Charlotte987654 · 08/08/2015 23:59

Help!!!! Just joined this for some support. 6 days late for my period, did a pregancy test (was so sure I wouldn't be pregnant!!!) and it came back positive. I live with my parents and just started a new job. I've been with my partner for 18 months. I haven't told him yet. I'm so scared. Where do I start what do I do??? How do I even know I want this baby??? I'm so confused. Someone please help xxxxx

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Ohbollocksandballs · 09/08/2015 00:02

First of all you tell him. Try not to panic. You will make this work either way.

I had just turned 21 and was in the middle of my degree when I got pregnant with DS. The circumstances weren't, and still aren't ideal. It's doable.

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Charlotte987654 · 09/08/2015 00:05

I'm scared of how he will react. What if he's happy??? I haven't stopped crying since I took the test. Surely that can't mean I'm happy

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Ohbollocksandballs · 09/08/2015 00:08

When I pissed on that stick I felt every single emotion all at once, and I bloody sobbed. Only you can decide if you're happy or not. It goes without saying that it's not a decision to take lightly. Can you imagine having a child now? Do you think you could go through with the alternative?

I think it would be a good idea to speak to your boyfriend, then book an appointment with your GP as they can advise you of your options and explain everything.

Let it sink in.

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passmethewineplease · 09/08/2015 00:09

Try and calm down, it's clearly a massive shock!! You are bound to fee a range of emotions.

Don't be scared of telling him, it takes two to make a baby! Is he nice and supportive of you generally?

Whilst your circumstances aren't ideal they certainly don't mean that you couldn't have a baby, it has to be what YOU want though!

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Laura7010 · 09/08/2015 00:09

You need to try and calm down and think through what you want. You need to tell your partner and I hope they will be understanding and listen to how you feel. It will make things easier if you can talk to someone about it. could you speak to your mum if you are still living at home? Would that help?

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Adarajames · 09/08/2015 00:15

Take a deep breathe and gather yourself together. It's early days, you have time to think it all through, consider all your options and find out what each would mean, talk to your partner, and then you can make a more informed and calm decision. You will know what is best to do for you at this point in your life, and that's what you will do. Be kind and gentle to yourself, you will be ok

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achieve6 · 09/08/2015 00:17

Charlotte "What if he's happy??? I haven't stopped crying since I took the test. Surely that can't mean I'm happy"

I'm going to get flamed but I think you need to know your own mind before you tell him. If you don't want a baby and he does....yikes

Good luck whatever you decide

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elephantoverthehill · 09/08/2015 00:20

It is a shock, but it has always happened, otherwise the human race would not be here. You have started talking here so that is a positive step and the good mumsnetters will always give you support, but you now need to start talking in RL to someone you can trust. There may be an Auntie or friend who has had a similar surprise. You will be ok.

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Charlotte987654 · 09/08/2015 00:21

Thank you everyone. I'm going to sleep on it and hopefully will be calmer in the morning. I've spent the last hour googling 'help I'm pregnant' and that's not helping !!! He is working away at the moment so I don't think I should tell him while he isn't here.. I'd like to see his initial reaction, and will also give me time to get my head straight. X

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passmethewineplease · 09/08/2015 00:22

Good idea, sometimes things feel less overwhelming in the light of day.

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chopsface · 09/08/2015 07:42

Charlotte my sister fell pregnant at 22 too after only seeing her bf for 3 months! They made it work and are still together now 11 years later with a 2nd child. At first she did resent things a bit as she was stuck with a baby when all her friends were still in the going out getting drunk stage etc. But now seeing her kids growing up she wouldn't have changed things. I hope you make the right choice for you x

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Wildflower91 · 09/08/2015 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charlotte987654 · 09/08/2015 08:55

Good morning. After a terrible nights sleep I'm still none the wiser of what to do. I'm going to meet my friend who was in a similar situation 5 years ago to see what advice she can give me. I'm so worried about telling my mum I think she will be so disappointed

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Wildflower91 · 09/08/2015 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lightbulbon · 09/08/2015 09:15

I had dc1 at 22.

There are lots of advantages of having DCs at this age (as well as the disadvantages).

It sounds like it's been a big shock to you so give yourself some time to get your head around it before you tell DP and your parents.

First go through the practicalities.
If you are considering top then you need to know your dates so you know your timescales for making a decision & for different procedures (eg medical or surgical top).

If you are considering keeping the baby then start taking folic acid and vitamin d (or one of the pregnancy brands) today.

Arm yourself with facts about what will happen. Eg you say you've just started a job. To get statutory maternity pay you need to have started just before you got pregnant, so check this. Check how much child & working tax credits you would be entitled to both on your own and as a couple. (Do you know dp's earnings?)

Think about whether you'd go back to work after the 39 weeks of maternity pay or become a sahm. If wohm then look up local childcare & costs. (& recalculate tax credits)

Think about where you'd live. Are you & DP at the moving in stage? From personal experience I'd advise not to move in before you are ready 'just' because you are having a baby.

How would your parents feel about you having a baby under their roof? Could you live alone in a council or private let? Where does DP live?

Be very very careful about your rights if you move into dp's place. If you aren't working and aren't married he could kick you out at any time with no notice. Don't get yourself into that situation.

How do you feel about DP in the long term? Having a DC is a big commitment even if you dont stay together. You may have to always live near him and have contact with him if he wants to stay involved if you break up. In the long term this could mean complicated blended/step family arrangements.

Lastly how do you feel about babies/children? Do you have experience with them? Did you imagine having them some day?

There's a lot for you to think through, good luck!

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Icklepickle101 · 09/08/2015 10:48

I found out I was pregnant at 20 and cried for about 3 weeks, it carried on well after i had told mum and my partner. It's a very overwhelming time but in time if it is what you what those emotions will quickly change to love for your baby.

I was terrified to tell my mum so left the test out on the bathroom side, went out and called her - she called me in tears she was so excited!!

Definitely not the reaction I had expected, I really wouldn't worry about telling your parents as their reaction might surprise you!

Now I'm 15 weeks and feel blessed every day to have my little bean, if we had waited until we were ready we could have been waiting our entire lives, it really has been a blessing!

If you need a chat please pop me a pm, I know it can be lonely in the early days

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Icklepickle101 · 09/08/2015 10:50

Also I started my job the week before I conceived!!!!! Oops

But work have been incredible and as you would have started before you fell pregnant you would be entitled to maternity pay, that's one less thing to worry about!!!

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Charlotte987654 · 09/08/2015 10:57

I left a job of 4 years and started last Monday, only been there 1 week and worked out I am 4 weeks pregnant. In which case am entitled to nothing. In this case do the government help? x

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ovenchips · 09/08/2015 11:10

Hi Charlotte. Sorry you've had a shock and found yourself unexpectedly pregnant. You have choices to make but I think it's important for the shock to settle before you can have a proper think about what you want to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to end the pregnancy or deciding to go for it. You do have options but it is really is one of those decisions where only you know what is going to be the best option. And you need to be past the shocked/ panicked stage before you can get some clarity.

There's a Mumsnet topic called 'Pregnancy choices' for women who are deciding what to do. Just a suggestion but it could be a good idea to ask MumsnetHQ to move the thread there for some advice.

Best of luck to you.

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Iwantobreakfree · 09/08/2015 11:12

Yes the government will pay maternity even if you return to work as the employer is not obliged too,a really good employer may give extra though.

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Charlotte987654 · 09/08/2015 11:21

Somebody said about taking folic acid.. What is this for and can I get it from asda/tesco? x

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MummyBex1985 · 09/08/2015 11:43

Hi Charlotte

Folic acid is a must in the first trimester as it helps avoid spine defects etc in the baby.

I was in your situation aged 20. I didn't want to be pregnant and certainly wasn't the maternal mum type. I only started to accept it and bond with the baby at 7 months PG! But when she was born I was prepared to kill anyone who went near her lol.

We didn't have our own home (we rented one then bought one). I was only doing temp work so no permanent job. But we made it work and we were very happy.

Fast forward ten years and I managed to get my law degree and I'm now lawyer having worked at my firm since I was 22.

Having a baby doesn't ruin your life in the way you think it might. I still got my career and still have an amazing social life.

Oh and my parents were over the moon - his parents told me to have an abortion but whatever, they've told all of their kids to do that for some weird reason.

It's doable if you want the baby is all I'm saying.

Sorry for rambling lol

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Charlotte987654 · 09/08/2015 11:57

Everybody is so kind on here. I told my boyfriend this morning via Skype as he is working away and he is in major shock. Went for coffee with my mum earlier too to tell her but just couldn't do it. Anybody got any tips about how I can tell her???? X

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Sophia1984 · 09/08/2015 12:00

You might find this blog reassuring: www.abigailandthefuture.com/ Go right back to the beginning and start from them. Abigail found out she was pregnant when her and her partner were still at uni and had been together 3 months. They are now expecting their second child. My cousin also fell pregnant after a few months with her partner, and they are now married with two gorgeous girls. And my other cousin was a student when she got pregnant while on the pill and, again, is now married with two kids. It can work out :-) Equally, if you don't feel ready to have a child, that is absolutely ok too x

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Lurkedforever1 · 09/08/2015 12:12

I was 21, while we were planning a baby, the idea was to stop contraception but with the understanding it would take a while and probably a few years. (physically we ticked every box for having problems conceiving and had no immediate plans to make lifestyle changes to boost the chances of conception). Despite the fact I ended up entirely a lone parent, with hindsight I'm actually glad I didn't wait till I was older. Dd is nearly 12 and it's great. There's positive and negatives whatever age you become a mother, and personally I prefer it this way.
If you've made up your mind to keep it, then bear in mind the feelings regarding an unwanted pregnancy are very different to the feelings about an unplanned baby, if you do decide to keep it, then once you start thinking 'my baby' rather than 'I'm pregnant' all the oh shit thoughts start fading.
Also don't be put off by tales of wanker exs. Firstly because they don't change anything about your feelings for a baby once born, whether they're lovely men or twats. And secondly, not all men are bastards. In addition to dd I had a pregnancy scare that turned out to be something else. And I'd just split from my then boyfriend due mainly to his irresponsible lifestyle, so I thought he'd be majorly unhappy and immature about it. I couldn't have been more wrong, if I'd been pregnant I can hand on heart say that even if the relationship was over he'd have supported me and been an equally involved parent.
Sometimes things happen that at the time appear as 'oh fuck' situations, and later become the best thing that could have happened.