I'm nearly 21 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little boy! I'm thrilled but the whole experience is completely tarnished by my ex partner.
I was going to put this in the relationships forum but I thought people here may be more understand as I'm not sure if how I'm feeling is a mixture of pregnancy hormones as well as everything else.
My ex tried to force me into an abortion as he did not want a child. I decided to proceed alone without him after him spitting in my face which I consider to be really abusive. He has told me countless times he doesn't want to be around, and when he changed his mind I stupidly gave him a second chance and told him to come to scans etc but he constantly said he just didn't want to. Ok I thought, but one minute he's coming to terms with everything and the next he "didn't want the fucking child" as he has said over and over.
He wants me to wait til the baby is born to see if he wants to be around then, but I don't agree with this. I understand it's easier to care for a baby you can physically see and hold but after his emotional blackmail, manipulation and abuse I want to draw the line somewhere.
This is in no way a petty "well you're not seeing the baby then" situation because I'm pissed off with him, I love him but find him VERY emotionally draining and I cannot deal with the stress. I don't what the stress he brings when the baby is born either, I just want to enjoy my pregnancy and my life with my child.
Today, after him telling me he had no interest in our baby still I told him
I'm going to cut to the chase and not have contact with him as I should have stuck to at the start as he doesn't want any responsibility but he told me he has a right and he'd happily take me to court, although I'm unsure what for because he doesn't want our baby in any way and I have countless messages to prove it.
I'm thinking it's best to not have him on the birth certificate as I don't think he's mature enough or in any way suitable for any parental rights, I don't wish to claim any money from him either I just want to cut all ties and have a happy life with my baby. If I did this, and he did take me to court, would I have a leg to stand on in terms of proving he doesn't actually want to be around?
We're both in our twenties so although young, we're adults and after being together for years I feel like I'm dealing with a completely different person. I've gave him a chance not many people would give him and I know I shouldn't but I feel as though he'd pull the 'I'm the dad' card regardless of any second chance.
He'd be a lovely dad had he reacted well the this pregnancy as he's a lovely person but I've seen a nasty streak I don't want to see again. I'm aware most domestic abuse starts during pregnancy which is why I want him at arms length.
I have told him I don't want my child to have a 'part time dad' to which he replied saying that it's better than no dad at all. He's under some illusion he can be around when he pleases, when he hasn't got anything better to do. He works two jobs and doesn't want to pay a penny, which is fine by me as like I said I'd want to cut all ties, but it just shows he has no intentions of being any sort of father figure.
Sorry this is more of a rant, however I would definitely appreciate other people's opinions. I'm struggling to see whether I'm being too harsh and over emotional because I'm so hormonal, or whether it would be best to actually draw a line here, and if so, legally would I be able if he decided to turn into 'super dad'?
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Pregnancy
Birth certificate advice/parental rights - feeling a bit lost
15 replies
Frillsandspills · 05/08/2015 23:22
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