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RANT! Am I in the wrong here?! RANT!

55 replies

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:15

Well, basically.. I'm 6 weeks pregnant, VERY tired & hormonal.. so not sure if that's why I'm so worked up about this..

Basically, I have told my sister I would have my niece and nephew (6 & 10) for 3 weeks of the summer holidays, while they're dad has them the other 3 ( they're seperated) I did this because I obviously love spending time with them, and so she could earn money instead of having to take time off!

Before I start this rant.. my sister has JUST come out of a marriage, and jumped straight in with a guy she just met.. moved him in straight away. And she is just very very self absorbed. Which is sad to say, she doesn't ever bother with the family, unless in need of something. :(

Well, I'm saving every penny I can for this baby.. and only my partner is in work. We manage and we get by with plenty left over. But it's a bit different when you are use to feeding 2 people, washing 2 people's clothes, bathing 2 people, electric etc has gone THROUGH THE ROOF!! Whilst they've been here, (not begrudging them watching a bit of TV etc) and we have had to get more food in, which all adds up.. to a lot. And I told them I would take them to Crealy fun park.. which they have a pass to get in free ( if they're dad gives it to me) but it's £17 for me to get in and go on NOTHING! BOO! :(

But I told her that I'm skint, so need they're passes or can't really pay for all 4 of us to get in. And she just continued talking about her new boyfriend. . (Which is all she seems to care about atm) & she just hasn't offered us a penny.. I wouldn't take it if it was just a weekend I was having them.. never ever have done. But she has a job, good money & just did a bit of cash in hand work... so she has extra.. surely if I hadn't of had her children she would have taken them to these places.. etc, but she can't even offer a fiver towards any of it. But I don't dare ask. I'm not like that!

Obviously I sound like a total bitch right now, but a little help?!

OP posts:

Report

Whatabout · 02/08/2015 18:19

I think you should have put rules in place when you offered with regard to expenses. Money for her may be much tighter than you know and she may have just been very grateful that you're having them.

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:23

Money really isn't that tight for her. Her & her new boyfriend have been going out pretty much every night. Cinema, meals,clubbing etc.. none of those things are relatively cheap. I know she's grateful for me having them, but I'm not one to ever ask for anything in return.

OP posts:

AngieBolen · 02/08/2015 18:31

You need to ask.

There is no point ranting about it to strangers, and feeling cross towards your sister without asking for money to cover expenses.

The thing is you can't really afford to entertain someone elses children. Even if you wanted to have them just for your enjoyment, you can't afford it, and need to speak to your sister, or not have them.

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:35

If you saw, we can afford it.. as have plenty left after bills. But saving massively for this baby, as don't want to be caught out. But I guess it's hard to explain to 'stranger's what it's really like. Never mind! !!

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 02/08/2015 18:36

OP be honest and tell your sister you can't afford to feed and house her children anylonger unless she financially contributes. Be firm

TravellingToad · 02/08/2015 18:37

She's not a mind reader. You need to ask. She's your sister not a stranger. Just open your mouth.

sarkymare · 02/08/2015 18:39

I too would be annoyed that she hasn't even offered a contribution to you looking after the children for 3 weeks. BUT I don't think you can really be too annoyed if you haven't asked for a contribution either.

I

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:42

I have made subtle hints as don't want to pee her off.. but she just actually replied to;
I Will have to ask for they're crealy passes, as can't afford to fork out £68 For A Day Out. She replied with "take them when dh gets paid ".. (will still be the same situation then) I said then, well won't really make much difference, still don't have £68 to spend.. and her reply was "LOL!".. I Just can't see eye to eye with her, when she doesn't seem to care about anyone else.

OP posts:

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:43

Sarkymare - my mom has suggested she gave us something & she said no.. not entirely sure what mum said, but we haven't been given anything. .

OP posts:

chickenfuckingpox · 02/08/2015 18:50

sorry? you told her you couldnt afford it she said your DH could pay when he got paid and when you said you still couldnt afford it she laughed? did i read that right?

next time she goes out pack her stuff up tell her there has been a gas leak and she needs to book a hotel for the rest of her stay you're off to a mates house

ImperialBlether · 02/08/2015 18:51

She should be giving you money for their food and for their expenses. I would tell her unless she does that, you can't have them.

You do realise you're going to find out she's had herself some time off with her new man while you're minding her children, don't you?

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:54

Chickenfuckingpix - You read it right. TOLD me & my dh to take them when he gets paid next. & she said LOL, When I said we still wouldn't be able to afford it!!
Lol - she doesn't live with me, she moved her new boyfriend in after a week of knowing him (into the home of her children too...)

OP posts:

sarkymare · 02/08/2015 18:55

Oh i see. It sounds like she's just taking the piss then. I would perhaps ask her outright and if she refused then this 3 week babysitting stint would be the last favour I ever did for her.

Are you looking after the children over night too?

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:55

ImperialBleather - if I find out she HAS been taking time off to be with "HIM" .. I'll be so so mad!

OP posts:

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 18:56

Sarkymare - Yes, they're here over night too. I already think it'll be the last favour.

OP posts:

MarchLikeAnAnt · 02/08/2015 18:58

Just ask her, I very very very very very very rarely look after my dsis children without getting expenses money from her.

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 19:00

I've NEVER asked her for money, but she always asks me for money if I ask for a lift about 5 miles down the road. .

OP posts:

Nonnainglese · 02/08/2015 19:01

Are the children already with you? And did you offer to have them or was it ds's idea - and she's getting 6 child-free weeks for no outlay. I bet she's not sitting at home twiddling her thumbs while you're child sitting, plenty of money freed up!

Personally I'd say I have been told to rest by the GP and can't look after the children as of now. What does your do think about this?

mrstothemr · 02/08/2015 19:02

I think you might need to explain to her that you won't be able to go unless she can pay. Not sure there's much else you can do this time round

For sure I'd avoid offering again without rules in place, but she's really not helping relations. Tbh I might also prepare for her blaming you for anything the children want to do but don't down to the money thing.

Might even be worth talking to the children and saying we can do x but if we do we can't do y, I don't think there's anything wrong with being straight like that. Your time with them is still the focus as the special thing.

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 19:13

They're here tomorrow.. Nonnainglese well, she was sort of hinting, massively. . Putting on a sob story " I won't earn any money if I'm off.. and I couldn't say no!! I know for a fact she goes out & has fun with her oh! My oh is SO mad about it, as he works bloody log hours to earn what he can, and she sees it ad a free ride!!

mrstothemr -
I'm just trying to work out how to say it, & I know the reply will be "I don't have any money to give you" when she clearly does, as she has NO children for 6 weeks, no meals to buy etc.. oh I am prepared for being made out to be horrible!! But the whole family know what she's like. . (Horrible I know,but the truth)

I've explained to the children that we can't do ALOT as we haven't got a lot of pennies.. and they're good as gold about it bless them! I would just LOVE to take them out for one day . But it shouldn't be my responsibility to pay for them all the time?!

They're lucky I love them so much!!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 02/08/2015 19:34

They are lucky, but I'd make this the last time you have them for such a long period of time in future.

She's sounds very irresponsible, bringing a man into the house after only knowing him for a week and he sounds awful for even thinking of moving in.

bestguess23 · 02/08/2015 19:37

Don't be passive aggressive about it, just tell her and ask her for contributions towards the activities. You're doing her a favour after all.

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sjd114 · 02/08/2015 19:57

update - I sent her this: Hiya. Erm, don't really know how to say this, but me & Ben have been talking, and we are more than happy to have the kids, but we need a little help. We are going to struggle with food for them for the week. And obviously we want to take them out places as it's not fair them being stuck in every day whilst they're here.. but cannot afford to take them anywhere really. I'm not asking for a lot, just some to help cover the costs. We never never normally ask for a penny.. but 3 weeks is a long time to feed/bath/wash clothes etc.. xx

And her reply was:
I don't have a lot of money, but I will be able to throw you a tenner.

Then I confronted her on the cash in hand work she did - & she denied it. When I know for a fact she did it.

OP posts:

sjd114 · 02/08/2015 19:58

The last bit sounded very ungrateful, I am grateful she's giving me anything!

OP posts:

onefootinthebed · 02/08/2015 20:01

I was in this situation by my own fault when I was redundant and trying to save every penny to stay off aslong as possible. I didn't ask for money either.

The second week my dh was away on a trip and because it had cost me £10 extra in electricity for just one week and almost double on food for 3growing boys. I went and stayed at my sisters house (she is abit like your sis me me me) I didnt tidy up or cook their evening meals, I was saving her and her dh £100 a day. The 3rd and 4th week she gave me £200 we had picnics, pizza, cinema days out galore. It made my point.

I never send my ds anywhere without food.

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