Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.

Unfit mother on the loose

(280 Posts)
Appleblossom82 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:09:00

I am so angry this evening!!!

Went to a function and have been looking forward to a lovely cold glass of champagne for the last 2 weeks. Sadly it was totally ruined by my mother and other family members who were generally disapproving, tutting and told my husband he needs to keep an eye on me. To which he replied he was watching me like a hawk!!! shock

Im soooo angry, embarrassed and upset!

Im 22 weeks and have had around 1-2 units a week since week 14 (ie one small drink per week). Im confident my one drink a week wont harm my baby. If i thought it would i wouldnt drink it. Im so offended they think i would do anything to hurt my precious baby and that my oh should police me because clearly i cant be trusted.

My oh has apologised profusely and said he was trying to diffuse the situation with humour but i feel very let down by him.

I didnt even drink the stupid champagne in the end since i felt so pissed off and any joy was taken out of it.

AIBU? Anyone else dealt with similar?

LibrariesGaveUsPower Sat 27-Jun-15 23:12:49

People are arses about all sorts. I don't really understand why they stopped you having and enjoying it. Believe me, the judgment gets worse when you give birth.

I'd have been cross with DH though.

VixxFace Sat 27-Jun-15 23:14:43

You pregnant and have 1-2 units a week. Terrible.

There will be people who come and high five you for drinking small amounts during pregnancy but it's wotless.

Northernlurker Sat 27-Jun-15 23:14:57

You just have to ignore any nonsense like this. Judgey people will judge. Ignore and move on

griselda101 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:15:08

yanbu, sounds like a nightmare.

one or two units a week is fine, i used to have a small glass of wine maybe once a week, (after the three month period) and it was what i really looked forward to!

other people have no business poking their noses in but people will always judge, one irritating woman I know asked me pointedly "enjoying your wine, are you" when I was drinking my first tiny glass in weeks. bitch!

back in the day women were prescribed guiness for iron every day and had no issues!

next time ignore others or tell them politely to butt out! Or ask your partner to tell them to mind their own business. and just think, a few months down the line all this will be over and you can be back to normal(ish).

lemon101 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:16:33

Oh luv, it sounds like a momentary lapse of judgement by your man. As for your other family members - words fail me - I would be LIVID! Grrrr!

griselda101 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:25:08

ps get yourself a nice glass of champagne tomorrow and enjoy it away from the opinions and mutterings of others!

Appleblossom82 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:25:28

Thanks, i need to calm myself down. Rage! Its reassuring that others have had similar.

And yes vixx i have been having one small drink a week. Ive done a lot of reading and my understanding is that there is no evidence that could cause the baby any harm at all. With that in mind i dont see why i shouldnt have the odd glass of fizz or bottle of beer.

Runningupthathill82 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:56:23

I can't tell if you're trying to be funny or not, Vix. Wotless?!

OP - you are doing nothing wrong whatsoever. One or two units a week can not and will not harm your baby.

I would have been equally angry and embarrassed in your situation.

griselda101 Sat 27-Jun-15 23:58:22

i was trying to work out vix's post too!?

coneywonder Sun 28-Jun-15 00:18:39

Vix sounds pissed herself!!

milliemanzi Sun 28-Jun-15 00:26:11

Goodness it would've taken every power of my being not to tell them all to eff off.

curlii103 Sun 28-Jun-15 06:49:43

I words with my family at Xmas because I wanted a sip of my sisters amaretto....totally in your court obvs we wouldn't do something if we thought there was any risk!

VixxFace Sun 28-Jun-15 08:30:31

I wasn't pissed and even if i was I'm not pregnant hmm

lemon101 Sun 28-Jun-15 08:59:11

Ah, vixx isn't pissed, just poorly informed with a creative approach to spelling.

VixxFace Sun 28-Jun-15 09:09:09

wine

MissTwister Sun 28-Jun-15 09:10:47

Annoying. I had one small glass of champagne yesterday at a celebration but didn't want it in the photos in case I was judged - my friends all told me to stop being silly!

I'd forgive your husband - it sounds like just one of those things you accidentally say when flummoxed. Tell the others to go mind their own business.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Sun 28-Jun-15 09:14:44

Wotless?!

Newtobecomingamum Sun 28-Jun-15 09:18:48

Please don't be too hard on hubby.. Sounds like he was put on the spot and men come out with silly things sometimes!! He sincerely apologised after and I'm sure he's learnt his lesson.

As for your family/ friend remarks how ridiculous!! Next time I would say something like ... Excuse me! How dare you be so rude. And move away from them with your hubby. Family or not, you're a grown woman ffs and it's not like you were necking a bottle of vodka!!! Grrr families can be so bloody frustrating and annoying!!

Get hubby to make up for silly remark and take you out for a nice Sunday lunch with a glass of champers! : )

answersonapostcardplease Sun 28-Jun-15 09:20:45

I'd be furious. Grrr. Oh and judgey poster> biscuit

123Jump Sun 28-Jun-15 09:24:45

I remember being pregnant some years ago with one of the kids. Work night out. I had-wait for it-a bottle of Bud. Which I drank over 2 hours. A colleague saw it, took my hand and smacked it and said "Naughty,naughty"!
I was fuming. She bloody knew it too and had the decency to blush and stammer that it was actually fine, she knew.
Her that drank wine like a fecking fish. I've never been a big drinker.
There is always someone to tell you you're doing it all wrong when pregnant.

Appleblossom82 Sun 28-Jun-15 09:26:06

Thanks for the advice ladies. You're right. I should let it go with dh as he would never purposefully do anything to upset me. Have been speaking to him this morning but a little frostily so i will let go of the ice queen act now and try and enjoy the day :-)

Been spending more time with family since i announced my pregnancy and they are generally great and have done loads for us, which i really appreciate. However they can also be very opinionated and controlling and treat me like a child (im mid 30s) and i think being around them more and sharing everything with them has made them think they can speak to me like im a child. May need to take a bit of a step back so they dont feel they can over step the mark so much.

Appleblossom82 Sun 28-Jun-15 09:27:33

And omg 123! I bet you were flabbergasted by that!!

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat Sun 28-Jun-15 09:39:22

People will judge whatever you do so best just to ignore them & do what's best for you - there's another pregnant girl in our office who has taken the "what not to eat list" to a whole other level. I get a death stare if I drink one can of coke while she loudly announces she can't wait until the babies born as you're not supposed to have any caffeine at all while pregnant. Sometimes I just want to tell her to piss off & get a life!

ShadowFire Sun 28-Jun-15 09:42:03

It sounds like your husband didn't handle the situation very well, but that's probably because he was put on the spot with no time to think.

But I do think your family had a point. Obviously there's the world of difference between one small drink a week and a bottle of wine a night, but it's known that excessive alcohol causes damage (clearly you're not drinking excessively from your OP), and it's not known for sure how much alcohol can be safely drunk in pregnancy. Other countries have lower recommended alcohol limits in pregnancy. ITV showed a quite scary documentary about alcohol in pregnancy earlier this year. So my feeling is that it's preferable to play it safe and avoid alcohol completely while pregnant.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now