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Unsure of support help

(9 Posts)
newmama91 Tue 16-Jun-15 00:49:17

I'm now 14 weeks pregnant and went for my first scan last week. I thought I was 12 weeks then but turns out I was a tad further on.

The baby's dad knows about the pregnancy and know he's the father but I just recently found out he's blocked my number. I still have his.

I'm still in two minds as to what to do after the baby is born. I'm not sure whether I should ask CSA to get involved or whether I should just leave it and go it alone (financially I might be able to do it, but I will need income support).

There is a huge part of me that does not want to accept anything from him. This is mainly down to the fact that the baby was not planned.

I still feel a bit scared but a lot more calmer now.

Has anyone else been through this?

2015isgoingtobeBIG Tue 16-Jun-15 02:20:04

Not been through it myself but my one thought on reading your post was "what is the best thing for your child in th futur?" How do you know he has blocked your number? Are you able to reach him any other way? Finances aside, when your child is older and asks you about their dad, you will want to be able to say you tried everything possible to get him involved in their life. Being a dad is mor than just bunging money at a child so I'd see if you can speak to him in person about what kind of a role he would like to play in this child's life - and be prepared to ask him again once the child is here. If you can show you did everything to include him and he still wanted nothing to do with th child then that is his loss and your child can't say you didn't try.

newmama91 Tue 16-Jun-15 22:49:13

Basically when I call him it just keeps ringing it doesn't go through to voicemail. Usually with his phone it would. With iPhones when you block someone it keeps ringing but the other end won't receive it. Same with messages it would appear they've sent but the other end won't get it. My friend told me this.

ARV1981 Wed 17-Jun-15 08:50:36

What a horrible situation to be in. Could you write to him? If no response then I would get csa involved: it takes two to make a baby! I agree that babies need more than just financial support from their father (I had an amazing relationship with my late father) but if he's unwilling or unable to provide that then the least he can do is support you financially.

newmama91 Thu 18-Jun-15 21:15:31

Unfortunately I don't have his home address. He's in the armed forces and I know where he's based but I don't know his ID number or anything.

ARV1981 Fri 19-Jun-15 07:11:51

Could you write via his base? Surely his name should be enough? I don't know how this works, so forgive me if I'm completely wrong.

Or, what about his friends/family? Could you contact them at all? (Though I wouldn't tell them why you need to contact him, just say you do).

Good luck. Xxx

newmama91 Fri 19-Jun-15 20:14:48

To be honest I don't think I'm going to get a reply from him regardless of whether I contact him. I've got a feeling if CSE contact him he's not going to have a choice but to respond. I don't know his family or friends because we never got that far.

Shootingstar2289 Fri 19-Jun-15 20:18:53

The financial help from your ex through the Csa would be very beneficial for you BUT it's your choice. If you don't contact the CSA, at least you can say you've done it all yourself and feel very proud smile

My mother never claimed Csa from my mother after they spilt in her pregnancy. I'm in my twenties now and never had a penny!

ARV1981 Sat 20-Jun-15 16:49:08

Could you call him on another phone? He hasn't blocked every number. Just a thought.

I would try to contact him, to give him the opportunity to have a relationship with the baby, but if he's not interested then get csa involved. I think it's appalling that men get away with making babies and not supporting them. Course you can do it without him, it's possible and many many mums have done a wonderful job bringing up their babies without financial support of the father, but that doesn't mean they should.

Good luck with it all, I hope he does the right thing in the end. Xxx

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