I am pregnant and miserable and I don't know what to do.
I nearly left my husband before Christmas due to him visiting professional dominatrixes over the last 10 years.
Didn't think I could get pregnant - was thinking about IVF. Been trying for 6 years.
I am now 23 weeks pregnant - this should be such a happy time and its not.
My business is failing, I am trying to wind it up- but been very difficult - I have no motivation, serious back pain issues which stop me from doing a lot and it breaks my heart that it has gone to ruin and I am in serious financial difficulty, looking at putting the business into receivership. The business was due to be sold but for various reasons it has fallen through and now dwindled to best part of nothing so I will be in lots of debt rather than having a little nest egg.
I also owe the Vat man a couple of K and haven't been able to pay it. Started just ignoring letters.
Meant to be going to work with my husband full time - in a job that depresses me.
All my friends and family are so excited about my pregnancy I just feel dreadful about the whole thing. I can not get excited. I wanted this for so many years and now its here, I am not happy, this makes me feel even worse.
I felt so dreadful for the first 16/17 weeks with morning sickness. Luckily I was working for husband - if I had a proper job I would of been sacked for being quite as rubbish as I was.
I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it because I am so embarrassed by my husband's behaviour, didn't want friends or family finding out, picking sides, judging etc.
The whole world thinks we have an amazing marriage and the couple of friends I have hinted to about there being a problem have been so surprised, but I haven't wanted to explain any further as I don't want them judging me or him.
He is a good man, I used to think one of the best and he has promised me it has stopped and I believe him - just about.
But I am now paranoid, checking his diary and emails to see if there is any further contact - there isn't.
As I get bigger and feel less and less sexy, my feet have swollen up to troll proportions - it worries me.
I am paralyzed with - well I don't know what. Each day seems to drag but I achieve almost nothing. The baby will be going in a drawer at this rate. Until my business is gone there is no spare room, no space for the baby.
I have not got anything ready for him arriving. Don't even really want to.
I wanted to bring my baby into a financially stable, loving world where he was wanted and treasured and all there is now in uncertainty.
i just thought it would be good to say all of this - I haven't said any of it to anyone, I need to deal with my business and preparing for the baby just don't know how or where to start. Just thought it might help to write this stuff down.
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6 replies
littlechicken79 · 27/05/2015 16:51
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