Fed up of being told I am fat!!

[natjayne213]

Sorry for the rant but I am slowly getting wound up with family members calling me fatty and suggesting I go on a diet. I am pregnant.. with my first I gained very little weight and barely showed. But with the second I am showing and have gained weight due mainly only being able to stomach certain foods.

I've previously suffered from an eating disorder when I was younger and now this is really knocking my confidence..

Anyone else having the same? X

[BingBunnyIsAKnob]

I totally get you! I have an 8 month old and I'm now 6 weeks pregnant again.

I have bulimia and was really skinny before I caught pregnant with my first, I obviously couldn't be sick when I was pregnant because i wouldn't harm my baby so I gained 4 stone, not because I was eating too much just because my body wasn't used to keeping the food in obviously couldn't tell me that and family used to say "look how big you are" "when ur pregnant is the only time I can call you fatty and it be ok" etc... But it's not ok! It makes you feel rubbish and it's horrible!

I lost all the weight after the baby was born but am now 6 weeks preg so am dreading putting it all back on again

Just try to tell them how it makes you feel, maybe they don't realise as it's just a joke to them, but I agree it's not nice!

[laurenlhthompson]

Hi Nat

I know how you feel. If you put on a few pounds while not pregnant people wouldn't dare comment on your weight, I'm not sure why it suddenly becomes ok after.

I let people call me fatty as a joke for a few weeks until I flipped out and shouted at them all. It's best to tell the it upsets you before you start getting really angry and upset.

Also remember you're not fat you're carrying a baby. X

[Skiptonlass]

It is highly insensitive of your family members to do this to you. It's bad enough having jibes about your weight when are pregnant but I'm just aghast that someone would EVER make jibes about someone's weight when they know they've had an eating disorder.

You're going to have to grasp the nettle and say something like, "I would prefer you don't mention my weight. I'm pregnant and eating healthily. Your comments are hurtful."

If they come back with the usual ' oh I'm only joking' crap you need to follow up with 'it doesn't matter if you're joking or not. You wouldn't say that to your boss, don't say it to me. I'm not discussing it further, please don't do it again.'

It blows my mind that we become public property when pregnant. The ONLY things you should say are "ooh you look lovely/ how's it going/ I like that frock" etc.

People are so bloody rude.

[Hippymama1]

natjayne you poor thing - I know exactly what that feels like and it drives me MAD!

I'm 31 weeks pregnant now and have lost all patience with rudeness from family and friends and have started being rude back about their appearance or just telling them off for their rudeness and being very clear on how much their remarks upset me.

They usually back pedal like mad as soon as you call them on their behaviour. Any "you can't take a joke" type comments and I just explain that if everyone was making fun of them for 9 months they may also struggle to see the funny side too.

You don't have to put up with this, particularly from people who are supposed to care about you. If they can't say anything nice then they shouldn't say anything at all.

I'm sure you look fantastic btw.

[natjayne213]

Thank you :) nice to know I am not the only one.

I have explained how it hurts but it seems to go in one ear and out of the other one.

Xx

[Skiptonlass]

Repeat repeat repeat.

And if that doesn't work, put on your sweetest smile and insult right back.

I'm looking fat? Thank you, what a lovely thing to say. Your hair is looking particularly lank and greasy today

I'm chubby...? Well that's so nice of you. Have you brushed your teeth today?

I'm a bit of a porker? Thanks so much. Is that smell you or did you step in something?

And when they look insulted, you explain that's exactly what they've been doing to you.

[lauraa4]

Don't worry your not the only one :) I find it's normally from people that aren't particularly an oil painting themselves . I just say 'well I'm pregnant, what's your excuse for the beer gut'? Tends to make me feel better and is quite funny watching their face!

[Hippymama1]

^ This!

I have also found asking the men in my family when their babies are due is particularly effective seeing as most of them could benefit from a couple of hours on the treadmill and don't have growing a new human being as a reason...

[feerouge]

I love the "i'm pregnant, what's your excuse?". I think some people are just a bit slow in the brain, and it's strange how a lot of relatives seem to just adopt a specific behaviour when you are pregnant - same goes for the jokes, they are repeating what they have heard of, or seen on tv, not thinking about the person they are talking to and putting themselves in her shoes.

Maybe a simple "now stop being rude" or "i'd appreciate if you could keep this kind of comment to yourself in the future" while staying calm might work.

I find that if you just say you don't like it and want them to stop saying this, in a simple and straightforward way, most people stop. If they do it again, just remind them calmly you do not want to hear this. If they carry on you can point out that their attitude is rude and you'd rather they stop talking to you altogether if they cannot understand simple requests :D

[aletea]

Throat punch them and call them cunts.

[Bogal]

Nat I sympathise - my mum and dad have taken to making fat jokes and saying things like 'my god you're huge!' since I started showing - they think it's hilarious whereas I do not No idea why it suddenly becomes okay to call someone fat when they get pg!
Tell them it's insensitive and to keep their ugly thoughts to themselves, or if that doesn't work try to take the moral high ground and ignore (easier said than done admittedly!)

[Emerald33]

This is horrible behaviour - for some reason you become fair game when you're pregnant!

Agree with repeating the message until it goes through their heads. If they care about you they will get it (eventually).

Or, you can do what I did to someone at work.

Annoying person: You've got a bit chubby haven't you!
Me: Well in a year's time when I've had my baby hopefully I'll have lost a bit of weight. What's your plan for not becoming less of a twat during that period?

[RoseyThePony]

I read an article a while back basically advising pregnant women to 'smile and deal with it' to almost every possible issue. Comments about weight, strangers touching your bump (HOW is that okay??) and even questions about feeding choices.

I don't think anyone should have to ignore something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Be polite but firm, but if you have to tell them again feel free to get shouty.

How would you behave if you weren't expecting? How would you react if they said that to your sister / best friend? Do the same thing! Being pregnant doesn't change who you are, you shouldn't have to change how you react!

[KatoPotato]

Gads seriously nat I've had nothing but verbal diarrhoea from certain people at my work (on maternity leave now thank feck)

I've honestly got nothing but a big bump but still I've had horrendous pass-remarkable comments from some old crones staff

Including a visual impression of me that can only be likened to a gorilla impression, being told I'm waddling (I was only 20weeks) and the best:

'Oh what a shame, you lost all that weight.. Now look at you!'

Ignore!!

[rosedavo]

Tell people to f**k off and blame it on hormones :). In seriousness ignore and just carry on - you can worry bout weight loss after baby and only if you want to/need to for health, next time someone says something just calmly say please give it a rest