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Getting pregnant in late 30s(95 Posts)
I am just feeling really 'down' having read an article in today's Independant about how the idea that today's women are leaving it later to have children, and thus having the best of a career and then babies, is all a myth as a large proportion of those who leave it till their late 30s and early 40s never ever get pregnant despite trying just about eveything. The article seems to be based on a book - Baby Hunger or some such title - that is about to come out.
As I'm 38 and desperately trying to conceive - and have been for 8 months ( dd is 15 months) this has really got me down - especially as I had 3 miscarriages before dd so know I am not ''Ms Fertile'' to start with....
Anyone out there got any ''getting pregnant late on'' stories to cheer me up and counter this article??? PLEASE!!!
My friend also had 2 miscarrages in her late 30s but went on to have a truly lovely daughter when she was 38 with no complications at all. I thought that once you had 3 miscarrages you can have tests to try and find out what caused them, which may be worth considering. BUT just wanted to say of course it is possible to have children after miscarrages when in your late 30s. Good luck, I'm sure it will happen.
It is a fact that 70% of 40 year-olds who are trying to get pregnant will get pregnant within a year - and the 30% who don't include many women who were always infertile. The fact that you already have a child indicates you and yoru husband are not in that category, so the odds are definitely on your side. And 38-year-olds are more fertile than 40 year olds. If you are worried, go and see your GP who may be able to offer a treatment to help with ovulation.
I too am totally fed up with scare stories in the papers. The vast majority are full of mistakes, skewed statistics and stuff that's just plain wrong. I personally know someone who has just had twins at 45 - no fertility treatment, in fact, a complete shock!
Bayleaf, I'm in a similar position to you and just starting the investigations for secondary infertility, at almost 39. I didn't see this particular article but it is clear that the book author's agent is placing articles designed to send women running to the bookshops. Similar stuff has appeared in other broadsheets in the past week. Deep breath! Chuck the paper out! This book is not about us! I know three women who got pregnant at 37 plus in the last six months. We will get there too.
I had my last baby at 42, so you've a few years on me, yet! Good luck!
I had my second baby at 41 - I got pregnant without really trying, though dh and I were aware of my fertile days and acted accordingly!
Luckily, my pregnancy was just as trouble-free as my first one, five years previously. Before that I had had one miscarriage.
During my second pregnancy, as well as working full time, I ran a market stall most saturdays, and some sundays. This involved lots of loading and long hours outside. I talked to the doctor a lot about this, to be sure I was not putting too much strain on myself. My husband helped with the heavy stuff and when he wasn't around, I made the loads smaller and lighter, (but more of them, unfortunately!) to take into account my special state. I ran a stall up to three weeks before my due date. I also painted every room in our house single-handed so we could sell it.
Looking back I don't know how I did it, but I went on to have a good labour and a healthy baby.
bayleaf, I conceived at 36 and 41 (plus 2 earlier ones), mostly by, like tigermoth, being very aware of fertile days (in fact my fertile days made their presence felt more strongly as I got older, funnily enough).
Mind you my mother had an accidental late baby and so did her sister so it could be a family thing. How is your family for late conceptions?
Firstly sorry about Independant for Independent - spelling was never my strong point! And secondly thanks for the postive stories - just what I needed to hear...
To answer a couple of points - my 3rd miscarriage was caused by an amnio test so was sort of 'different'' to the other 2 which the consultant said ( I did get to see one despite not having the 3 'unexplained' miscarriages)were most probably just the old ''bad luck'' ( they were both very early)but that I could be borderline polycystic ( I had an irregular cycle before taking homeopathic drops which sorted it out straight away)and he was going to do tests to be sure when I fell pregnant with dd and it was all cancelled.
Since I've been trying this time I've been using every tip that the tcoyf site can offer ( the site linked to the Toni Weschler book - if after reading that you don't know when your fertile days are you never will!!)and as my luteal phases ( ov to period) was short (10-12days) had been to the GP and asked for clomid as this seemed to be the standard 'cure' for this problem.
This month is my 3rd and last month on clomid so I've booked an appointment for this week to talk to him again about any other tests/treatments available - and I've also booked an appointment with my acupuncture/homeopathy/chinese medicine practioner for May if I'm not pregnant this cycle to see if there is anything else she can do - so hopefully no stone is being left unturned!
Dear Bayleaf - I conceived my first baby at 38 - it only took a month too,so it is possible. I did use an ovulation test and worked things out carefully to have the best chance. Really hope things work out for you- lots of luck !
Bayleaf, thanks for the reference to the Weschler book and website. I had not heard of these before and from what I have seen on Amazon they look incredibly useful. I am also going to send the details to a friend, not on mumsnet, who is about to start (private, expensive) IVF before I think the doctors treating her have covered every option.
You're welcome Marina! It's nice to have someone in the same 'boat' - even if it's not a very pleasant boat to be in! I've found the tcoyf site a mine of information - it's a bit bewildering as it has SO many hits - but whatever your ttc problem, someone on there has advice - I wish I'd been aware of it when I ws trying for dd! I've also looked at webwomb.com.
And babystart.co.uk sell very cheap ov test kits and preg tests.
Fingers crossed for us both...
Bayleaf - what are the homeopathic drops? sorry if you've referred to this elsewhere
Bayleaf, just to offer some more support, I had ds at 35 and dd at 37, both were conceived relatively quickly (I do know how lucky I am). Close friend had 3 miscarriages and had her 2 children at 37 and 40. Good to remember that statistics in the lump don't prove anything about your particular case which is of course what matters here. Journalists unfortunately have to fill space in their papers but increasingly eg The Observer seems to be writing drivel that just alarms those of us trying to be good parents. Best thing is to follow Marina's advice and put the paper in the bin. My top conception tip is to look at what you eat - try giving up alcohol and caffeine (you may have done already of course) - sounds grim I know but you will feel better.
Backing up Clary's advice, I recommend a charity called Foresight (www.foresight-preconception.org.uk) who promote preconceptual care and have amazing success with recurrrent miscarriages and infertility. I followed their programme after just 1 miscarriage to try and avoid the problem and I felt better as well as conceiving 2 healthy kids. Mainly involves diet, checking toxins and vitamin and mineral status - but I thought you may be interested as you were seeing a number of complementary therapists. Good luck.
Thanks once again Tipp and Clary - Unfortunately for me I gave up coffee and alcohol some time ago- apart from a very occasional small lapse! - and have already been in touch with Foresight. As I dye my hair ( and am not about to go grey however much I want another child!!!) I can't do the foresight hair testing but I am TRYING(!) to follow their basic principles ( with a mixed amount of sucess - I tend to have a dip each month on finding I'm not pregnant again!) and I'm taking the Zita West vitamin supplements - which are basically the same as the foresight ones.
But do please keep making suggestions anyone else out there - the only reason I'm doing everyhing that I am is advice from other people over the internet and I'm just SO grateful.
I'm 37 and have finally got pregnant after 7 months of trying. I don't know if it's just a coincidence but the month I conceived, I used one of those very expensive ovulation sticks. Did the trick though! Best of luck,
Tipp, do you mind my asking how much Foresight charge? Unlike Bayleaf I don't dye my hair yet but the hints from my mother are coming thick and fast about "not letting myself go"..., so now may be the time.
And Bayleaf, thanks for more tips - it is such a relief to find other people who can talk about these things without feeling guilty about their own complete family or feeling sorry for you (which I know is kindly meant).
I am off to John Bell & Croyden (chemists in Wigmore St, London W1 and one of the only over the counter stockists of ZW apparently) to get some Zita West as I think it is jolly refreshing to find a supplier who also does vits for men.
Whilst I think about it I've also just taken delivery of some progesterone cream ( www.progesterone.co.uk) which I heard about also on tcoyf - altho of course being an americain site they can all buy it over the counter for a lot less!
I'm also lucky Marina as a close friend has also been trying for 18 months - had all the tests - all come back fine - so she and I swap tips - and she has far more time to 'surf' having no children to look after!
Marina - I am not sure exactly but it varies depending on the results of the tests. You can join for about £20 and the Hair tests are about £30 each - important to have both partners tested as toxins and deficient nutrients may affect the sperm as well - even if he has got the all clear from the doctors. Also, helps to encourage them to feel involved! Then the supplements recommended could be from £20 per month up (just a guess) as I forget what mine was. I'd imagine the average is about £30per month. Alot cheaper than IVF and natural and as a charity everything is just to cover costs. Also, if you join they have a very interesting newsletter every quarter (I still get it) with loads of facts, news clippings, etc. and letters from grateful parents. Try the website and get the info - you don't have to commit anything.
Regarding ovulation kits -I was thinking this morning about something I read when I was expecting (by Professor Winston in his Getting Pregnant book - I think). Apparently the kits don't actually tell you that you are ovulating,they simply signal the presence of the hormone which triggers ovulation (luteinizing hormone,I think)- he said it was like making a phone call,only there has to be someone there to answer the call -
Bayleaf - just to add more support...I got pregnant with my first at 37 and second at 39 - both in the first month of trying (dp felt a bit cheated!) and sailed through both pregnancies, working up to a couple of weeks before birth (part-time with the second). After much deliberation, we decided to try for another late last summer (I'm now 42) - and after 3 months of trying vaguely around fertile times (too exhausted now to go in for the blanket bombing approach!!) I got pregnant, but then miscarried at 7 weeks. I found this a lot more upsetting than I had anticpated - somehow I had thought myself immune to all the statistics of rates of miscarriage and age (all on another thread). Anyway, 3 months on - I'm pregnant again - and all seems to be going well - still v early days - and I am aware now that there's a long way to go yet...but so far so good. Just trying to get to square the thrilling idea that this is what we both really want ...with the practical side that makes us think that this is total madness! ....to be continued no doubt...
Anyway - just keep trying and ignore all statistics!!! And good luck!
For a bit of encouragement you could read the article about fertility in this month's Glamour, or click on People.com - a US site - with a big feature about celebs and other women having babies over 40.
Dear Maras, I'm so very pleased to hear your news, I know you had an awful time of it last year. Take care and keep us posted. xxx
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