I had a difficult and traumatic time during and after labour with my first baby. I almost died and still feel to this day that if it wasn't for my own actions I would have, once I'd sought medical attention my mum had to insist on me being seen as I became too incoherent. It was a long road to recovery, both mentally and physically.
After a lot of deliberation, DH and I decided to have a second child. DS is now 3 so it's been a while but since I got pregnant I've got more and more worried. My situation was unusual but I just thought that since it was so serious I'd be monitored more closely and given a bit more reassurance. So far my antenatal care has been awful.
I have the same midwife as last time but she's not connected to the hospital I'll be giving birth at, she's at the midwife led unit which can't offer the medical care I fear I'll need. I saw her when I was 8 weeks pregnant and she reassured me that she'd help me get access to further care by being high dependency and for more checks to be carried out on me before I left hospital after the birth. Then she went on the sick. At my 12 week scan I was spoken to by a consultant because I was 'high dependency' and she practically laughed me out of the room and signed me off. When I rang my midwife there was no one available, I had an appointment at 16 weeks and it was a different midwife who basically said the same as the consultant, despite my obvious fear, and told me it wouldn't happen again because no one is that unlucky (!).
My next appointment was at 28 weeks - a different midwife to the last one and my original one was still on the sick. Again, not listened to and told I wouldn't be given any extra care 'just incase' but they'd probably check my temperature before I left the labour ward if I asked them. I requested to see a consultant regarding a possible c-section should the position of the baby be the same as DS1 (I feel that this was a contributing factor to what happened) and she said she couldn't refuse this but that a c-section was unlikely to be offered as there was no medical need. I'm not comforted my a c-section, it scares me, but she made me feel like I was trying to use it as a get out. I know it's a serious operation, but I am grasping at straws to try and find something which might stop things heading down the same path as last time.
I went to my GP for advice, she said that I'd only need to ring them if I thought something was wrong afterwards and they could come out to me. I'm not sure I trust them, I rang the out of hours number last time and was expected to drive 40 minutes to the hospital - it was snowing and I had a 5 day old baby, it was about midnight. They didn't offer help or an ambulance but said that if I felt I didn't want to make the journey then I could go to the GP the next day. When I rang to GP the next day there were no appointments. My mum ended up taking me to hospital where I was put In the waiting room until I passed out. That was the only time I was given any medical attention, at which point I'd been seeking it for around 15 hours. The GP I spoke to about all of this was a registra and I'm not sure she'll even be there by the time I go into labour, so don't feel that there will be anyone who knows my situation should I need to ring and request a call out. It's not something they routinely do and the out of hours number has been replaced with 111.
My next appointment is when I'm 34 weeks, currently I'm 32 weeks and despite ringing to speak to my midwife she is never available. She appears to be back off the sick but the receptionist told me that last time and she wasn't there. Obviously I'm planning on bringing all of this up with her when I see her but I don't think that she'll actually be there. I feel so powerless and that I'm heading into another difficult and dangerous birth situation without any extra care or reassurance. I have no idea what to do to make myself feel reassured, I know that most situations can't be avoided but since I told every midwife that visited me at home in the days after DS's birth that I didn't feel right and told by all of them that there was nothing wrong, I'm sure that something can be done and written in my notes. I asked for some antibiotics to be prescribed for immediately afterwards and was told no, I also asked to be kept in for longer and was told that it wouldn't be possible unless I presented as ill straight away.
I just want them to check my blood and urine for infection before I leave, or something to give me peace of mind. So far I just feel like they have me down as some sort of paranoid wreck (which to be fair, I probably sound like). I feel like they're not listening yet I know other people who have gone in, demanded a c-section because of a difficult time in a previous labour and it's been granted. I'm not sure what it is about my situation that makes the medical profession so dismissive of it. And my midwife is supposed to be the one person I can speak to, yet she's never there.
Does anyone have any advice about who I turn to next or what I can do? Sorry this is so long!
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Pregnancy
Antenatal care makes me feel 'dismissed'
BlinkAndMiss · 20/04/2015 01:51
I don't have any advice for you really, but wanted to send you a supportive hug 
. Sounds like you have had an awful time, and it's terrible that you can't find anyone to take your concerns seriously. The issue is not how likely this is to happen again, but how worried you feel about it - the worry needs to be taken seriously. Is it too late to find a doula or someone like that who has lots of experience of childbirth and hospitals and can familiarize herself with your situation and advocate for you during the birth and afterwards? Having as much support as you are able to get would seem really important. I would also keep bothering the midwives and the GP.
Very best of luck with finding someone who is competent to listen to your concerns, and with managing to stay sane through the rest of your pregnancy and afterwards.
I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
I agree with what MrsAnxiety and others have said about writing to the supervisor of midwives at your hospital and to the hospital patient liaison service (PALS). Don't rely on a midwife who is never there. Start making some waves and then they will listen to you. It's sad that you're in the position where you need to, but don't leave it any longer.
An after births service may be a good way in, too.
When you write, it might be a good idea to set out clearly what you want the outcome to be. So something like "Given my previous experience, outlined above, I would like to agree with you in writing that that the following will be part of my care in this pregnancy".
Then list the things that would reassure you. You might also want to make clear that you are happy to meet with a senior midwife or other appropriate care provider to discuss everything. The important thing is for you to get something "on record" that your hospital will need to respond to.
Fingers crossed for a better experience for you .
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