Falling apart

[Katiekins86]

I've been suffering a lot with my pregnancy, i'm 15 weeks in.

Still being sick 2-3 time a day, feeling nauseous with pains in my abdomen (achey/throbbing feelng) headaches, exhaustion, generally not sleeping well.

I've been told by the hospital my blood/urine results were abnormal and i'll be scanned every 4 weeks and i'm at higher risk of preeclampsia which a family member lost a baby and almost died herself with. I've been sick with worry from this too, even though I know I shouldn't!

On top of this my boss has really been working against me, penalising me for being pregnant and I've got to hand in a formal grievance.

I've felt it's been a bit too much over the weekend and like i'm falling apart mentally as well as physically.

I made the decision that I would go to the doctors, I explained how I was feeling to the doc and he kept going back to my work problems (they are pretty serious) and asking me pretty irrelevant question about the structure at work and then giving me advice on what action to take - I told him i'm in a union and they are helping me with that. He then commented that perhaps I would be better off if I lost my job and I should view that as an opportunity to work else where.

I felt pretty awkward. He asked me what I wanted him to do about it (the way I was feeling)! I said I felt like I probably needed some time to sort myself out and pull everything back together as I'm clearly not coping. The doc agreed and wrote me a sick note.

The sick note reads 'Stress at work' I asked the doctor about adding 'in pregnancy' to the end and he said that in his mind he believes the problem to be stress at work and was unwilling to relate it to pregnancy.

I'm now feeling even worse as if I were to hand that in they could potentially discipline me or even use it as a legitimate reason to select me for redundancy at a later date which I really would not be surprised at.

Has anyone had problems with sick notes before? Is there anything I can do short of going back to work which I really don't feel capable of at the moment?

All suggestions gratefully received

Thanks

[countessmarkyabitch]

I think you need to see a different dr, yours sounds like a bit of a twat.

[ImpatiencePersonified]

I would agree with Countess if I'm honest your doctor sounds like he morphed what you said into what he wanted to hear.

You can make an appointment with another doctor and explain when you see them that the reason you're not coping with stress is because you're pregnant and extremely hormonal (whether that be true or not).


As someone who deals with HR grievances and disciplinaries (including sickness management) regularly as part of my role I'd say your doctors played a bit of a blinder in your favour to be honest. Work cannot take into account mental health related issues when looking at disciplinary or redundancy - technically this is what stress is, and the that line on your fitness to work statement may do you the world of good at your grievance if you can simply state that your stress is directly linked to your managers behaviour.... he/she is putting both your health and your babys health at risk by acting in a way that is not appropriate.
The lovely word tribunal is something that every employer fears and one that I'm sure your union would be allllllll over should it be needed.

Don't panic, take the time off, sod what it says on teh line and go and watch Jezzy Kyle.

It'll all be fine

xx

[Katiekins86]

Thank you both for your replies, very helpful.

[hippymama1]

I have been signed off of work before and my doctor wrote "work related stress" on my initial sick note. My doctor also put on a subsequent sick note that I should be referred to occupational health for a phased return to work.

Awesome of the doctor to do this, as although I didn't realise it at the time, it meant that they couldn't penalise me and not give me a performance related bonus for that year - they had to assume my performance would have continued as per my half year appraisal (as Impatience says above) but also meant that my psycho-beast of a boss couldn't wriggle out of it either and say that it was me with the problem or that I was skiving because there were performance problems and I was worried about disciplinary etc.

Also as impatience says above, if you were penalised because of illness / pregnancy at any point in the future you could grievance / employment tribunal and your union will be able to advise you on that. I am sure it won't come to it but make a note of all of the things that have happened to date and anything that happens after you return to work too, just in case.

Take the time off to get yourself back on an even keel. Starting with a nice nap and then a cup of tea and some cake . You and your baby are far more important than work stress.

Also, if it makes you feel any better, my bitch-troll of a boss got her collar felt by HR while I was off and she had to be nice to me when I got back to work so everything was fine in the end.

Good luck with everything and feel better xx

[Skiptonlass]

Agree - you need pregnancy on that note, and NEVER resign. Never. Let them act against you, keep full notes on everything, and use the help of your Union rep.

Sorry to hear you're not having a great time. Early pregnancy can be hard enough without work making it harder.

[Katiekins86]

Thanks all. I'm still a little cloudy on the note part. Am I right in thinking its fine that it doesn't state in pregnancy as I cannot be penalised for work stress anyway? Thanks so much

[hippymama1]

I'm not an expert of course but I think either / or. You can't be penalised for being signed off work ill with stress. It's like them trying to penalise you for being signed off work with a physical illness - they can't do it. Your workplace know you are PG right? As long as they know and you can prove that they knew at the time when your boss was being a nightmare (emails, HR records, even a calendar entry of a 121 meeting where you discussed it - anything will help) I think prolly what your doctor was getting at was that the reason he is signing you off work is because work is causing the tress during work time...

[hippymama1]

Sorry - posted before finished... I think prolly what your doctor was getting at was that the reason he is signing you off work is because work is causing the tress during work time... The fact that you are pregnant is incidental as far as the signing off issue is concerned as you are stressed at work. In some ways that could help you more than putting PG on the note as they could then argue that you were stressed because of the pregnancy, not because of work. If that makes sense.

I believe that it is illegal for you to be penalised in any way for either of these reasons.

Did you note that you were PG and that you thought that was the reason for some of the behaviour of your boss?

As I say, I am not an expert, I can only comment on how it worked for me - I wasn't PG when signed off, just a bit of a basketcase ;-)

[hippymama1]

^Note in your grievance...

[Katiekins86]

Hi Hippy

Your bitch-troll of a boss might have jumped ship as that's a pretty good description!

I've still got to work on the grievance, it sort of came to a head on Friday and with the call from the hospital I really couldn't cope. I suppose on the bright side I have the week to get my head straight and try and but a coherant grievance together.

I wish I had written more things down, all the snide remarks etc. I just really have three main issues that shouldn't have happened but in reality she's been trying to push me out ever since I said I was pregnant through passing my work to someone else, making out mistakes and problems were my fault and just snide remarks like 'pregnancy melarkey'.

To be honest, I don't think anyone fully appreciates what a woman goes through until they have experienced it for themselves. I'm just looked upon as a liability.

Harumph! That was a bit of a rant, but I could go on forever

[hippymama1]

Sorry to post in a rush but didn't want to not reply when I saw your reply...

You don't have to have written it all down at the time.... Approx days are fine and include it all in your grievance...

On a comedy note you'll know if my old boss is your current boss as she has cloven hooves. And eats souls for lunch. Check out her feet for confirmation x

[Skiptonlass]

One thing that I've always found really useful is to keep all emails where I sense a situation is going a bit South. Keep everything. If you have a run in, it's useful to send a follow up email " we spoke about the missed deadlines on the project and you noted that...etc.

Good luck! My boss is a young, career driven american with zero people skills, who seems to loathe me. She has the empathy of road kill. She's come out with a number of great lines, including "work first family second" and "well, I suppose legally we have to let your team take vacation, but we don't have to be happy about it." Ive never seen cloven hooves but there's a definite whiff of brimstone.

The times I fuck up at work are when I'm covering three people's workload and working sixty plus hours a week, getting hundreds of emails a day etc. it's just not possible to do what they want.

The last time I replied to her criticism with "yes, this wasn't done. At the time I was trying to cover for three people etc" she had a fit and demanded I rescind the email and just apologise. I, of course, said no. I'm pretty sure she's got her eye on me for removal, which is why I'm so wary of informing work im knocked up.

Anyway, what's important is that you take care of yourself. Try (it's hard) to detach if you can, keep written records and get your Union rep on it. Never resign, make them force you out. And network as well. Good luck, I really feel for you.

[ImpatiencePersonified]

Soon being penalised in work for illness... They technically have to take you through a process regardless of the reasons. Every company has a different sickness absence policy but normally you need to have x amount of days and x amount of instances off before the ill health policy kicks in.
Unless you have a history of sickness then one jnstance will not evoke policy, if you do have a history, anything pregnancy related should be discounted as per employment law and given the grievance you have raised against your boss/workplace could easily account for your stress.
In all seriousness, in the company I work for, unless we'd already started the ill health policy in your past, we'd steer clear of evoking anything apart from a support plan for you.... And even then that would be to cover ourself so that if you ever tried to go to tribunal we could say we'd tried to support you.
There's a great site called Acas which will really help you understand your rights and also your employers, but from what you've said on here I wouldn't be sweating it.

[ImpatiencePersonified]

That first word should be sooooooo not soon... Ruddy autocorrect

[SueV14]

OP, we might be having the same GP. Mine is quite the same sort. I came to him stressed out with work related stuff combined with ectopic when I asked for a sick note and he told me that I won't be able to work and be a mother at the same time, and that I "not the type of woman who could handle both family and work". Some of these "docs" out there should have their licence taken away, seriously!