Depressed Partner

[writerwrites]

Sorry for the low subject - I'm a bit lost.

I'm seven months pregnant and my partner is really depressed. It's work related, or at least concerns about it seem to trigger big mood slumps and anxiety attacks. He shuts down a lot and won't talk to anyone apart from me about it.

I've had quite a difficult pregnancy - morning sickness the whole way through, and my own work is very busy and stressful. I'm not sleeping much and whenever he's down my first response is to cry (I know this isn't helpful, I just can't seem to stop it). This is our first baby and I'm worried that the stress and anxiety is having an impact on the baby.

I've asked him to go to his GP and to think about therapy but he puts it off.

I suppose I wondered if anyone else had been through this? He is excited about the baby and tries hard to be supportive, but I'm worried this will continue after the baby's born and don't know what to do.

[mum2benicole]

My partner had the same sort of thing and it turned out that he was more worried about how things would change when baby came. Works stressful enough, adding a baby to the situation makes more but if you talk to another and let eachouther no how your feeling helps. I cried loads with baby1 im 4 months with baby2 it will get better but takes time.
Change is a big thing but do it together makes it a lot less powerfulof a feeling. I dont no if that helps but good luck to you both xx

[writerwrites]

mum2benicole - thank you so much. Helps a huge amount just to know someone else has been through it and come out the other side.
Thank you lots and lots of luck with baby 2 Xx

[dayspringjubilee]

I think some dads do get subconsciously nervous/stressed about the new baby even if they really really want one - my husband has wanted a child for years but at the same time, actually expecting (imminently!) does add to his stress. And it's not surprising, I'm sure it will be a huge lifestyle change! He has a high-pressure job and things are all building up at the moment and on top of that he worries about me and the baby - even though I've had a really easy pregnancy! I think it's hard when there's other stuff going on in your family and your pregnancy ends up not being just a time of anticipation and being pampered - and I really wish DH had more of a chance just to unwind and look forward to Flipper coming. But it just works out that I look after him when he's down and he looks after me when I'm tired - that's the way it's always been and we'll still look after each other that way once the baby is here

[Peaceloveandbiscuits]

It can be hard for some dads; they can feel detached and left out, simply because everyone's focus is on you and what's in your tummy. It's tricky to deal with when you're feeling horrendous and are in pain/being sick/whatever. Is he involved in antenatal appointments?
My DH suffers with SAD and the dark evenings have really affected him, along with his subconscious anxieties about the baby and his need to "provide" for the family. I think getting advice or help from his GP would be a very good idea, because this is unlikely to go away on it's own. Alternatively, I'm sure your midwife will have come across this many, many times and will have further advice for you.

Good luck. I hope he feels better soon.

[Cullercoats88]

I think this is exceptionally common, my partner, who is prone to anxiety attacks anyway, has been having them a lot recently. I have had a wonderful pregnancy but I think he piles pressure on himself to constantly make sure I'm ok, that we are 'provided' for and that everything about our home life is as easy and happy as possible, however all this worry about it being perfect is of course having opposite affect on him.
I would like other posters suggest lots of communication, evenings out together, cinema is our favourite pass time ATM.
Try get him to docs, my OH keeps putting this off so it isn't easy, but that will help. Also can you arrange a boys evening out? My OH has a great group of friends and they go to watch football together and to the pub, which again helps ease the anxiety.
It's hard time for men, even though they are excited for baby, they also get really concerned, it must be so strange for them to watch the ladies they love experience pregnancy, even when it's a good pregnancy!!
Best of luck x

[writerwrites]

Thank you all so much for the advice and for telling your stories - really means a lot. Feeling much more hopeful than I did a few days ago, so thank you! X